It got really bad in sept 2018 when my wife's drinking got out of control. I wont get into it but some crazy stuff happened, endangering my kids. It was awful. Since then she has got her life together,stopped drinking, admitted to being with OM(her boss) but apparently only "dating" since spring 2018 but In know they've had an EA since nov 16 and probably PA a while after. I dont expect to ever get the truth from her.
Anyway, we're divorced now, 4 weeks. She served the papers and Its all amicable, shared custody etc
My girls are happy, , just awkward going between two houses(or 3 including OM's) but thats all.
I make zero contact with ex wife unless I need to. I dont recognize her, I dont know even know she is and I cant remember the good times we ever shared. I never look at pics and threw away anything she gave me or reminded me of her. All the wedding stuff too. I'm over her but not the lies and deceit. Damn, its been a rough few years.
I still blame myself occasionally as I could have done more for her but if she had just stopped drinking, maybe did some MC, if she stopped banging her boss (lol) and if she had actually realized her part to blame in all this and show remorse instead of having to be right all the time we could have maybe saved it.
What annoys me too is the way people look at me now. Moms and people at school and others. They all see W like she's amazing and look at me as a turd. Probably thinking what did I possibly to do to her to make her divorce me? Obviously an affair or physical abuse. Its upsetting , I'm just hoping karma will prevail.
Anyway, she's a good mom, stopped drinking and just better in general. Still a self righteous pain in the a** though, ha. I dont like OM but in fairness he seems to be good for her and she's much more stable for the girls and thats all I care about.
Everyone here on the forum really helped me. Made me see the truth even though I was in denial. Thank you so much. I should have come on here and helped others but I could barely handle my own pain.
Last question for y'all.
So, she's probably buying a house soon with OM or at least renting togetherr. She's going to stop renting her apartment.where the girls stay. I havent seen OM for 3 years at least , and I was with my W then..He's always hidden out of the picture but now I'm going to have to see him when I call to their house.
So, how will I deal with this? I go between being all Zen, shaking his hand to really telling him what I think of him and how his actions(and my wife's) affected my kids. I've played the higher ground so far.
ANy advice? Thanks!
M-45 W-32 D-10 D-8 Together 11 years Married 6 years Separated 6/2017 ILYBINILWY 11/2016 (also nov 2011) EA 11/16 PA Same time?? NC, detachment started 12/11/17 D aug 2019
Havent seen OM for 3 years.. but now I'm going to have to see him when I call to their house. ANy advice?
Yes, don't call on their house. I've been divorced from my ex-wife for almost 10 years. I think I saw her new partner once as a shadowy silhouette in her car. Not sure she's ever seen my new partner. You can use school, daycare, and extra-curricular activities for custody changes--e.g., one of you drops them off, the other picks them up. Then you see each other only if and when you want to.
My partner hasn't seen or talked to her ex-husband in over a year. She has e-mailed him.
Man. Whats with drinking and bosses. Same with my exww. Now divorced. But OM is still married and lives in another state. Good riddance to narcissism.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Still not too sure exactly how I'll handle the inevitable interactions but I guess I'll only know that when I have to go there. I could completely ignore them but this is life and holding onto anger is too much work. I want to be strong for my daughters and also not give OM or ex the satisfaction of how this has affected me.
I'll be just Fonzie cool, I guess.
M-45 W-32 D-10 D-8 Together 11 years Married 6 years Separated 6/2017 ILYBINILWY 11/2016 (also nov 2011) EA 11/16 PA Same time?? NC, detachment started 12/11/17 D aug 2019
Just donīt give a sh!t. Live your life. You donīt need to contact them. Contact your W or your girls...
Glad to see where you are standing now Morbo. Keep moving forward. Enjoy your life and your girls. Trust yourself, respect yourself. You are the one who fought for your M. Stand proud there!
Morbo if you can't avoid going over there and have to interact with him then just be brief and courteous. You certainly don't have to be his buddy. If dropping off or picking up then don't go inside, just wait on the porch. That's how I was with OM the few times we crossed paths. I don't blame him or harbor ill will, but at the same time he was a contributing factor in the demise of my marriage so I don't particularly want to be chummy with him either.
