I stood in front of a judge today, to present the signed mediation agreement and request a date for the D decree to be signed by the judge and filed with the court. It was a small room with only me, my L, and the judge. The judge and my L asked me a series of questions. They asked if I believed the M could be repaired if we attended MC, and I said no. A date was set for next week.
At the end, the judge said, "Mr. Holding, your D is granted".
I wasn't expecting that.
I walked to my car afterwards. I noticed I wasn't upset. I had a song stuck in my head from earlier that morning. I drove to work and worked a normal day.
Maybe I'm in shock or it hasn't hit me yet, but I'm not feeling much.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
Maybe I'm in shock or it hasn't hit me yet, but I'm not feeling much.
IMHO, I would not burn too much energy wondering on this. Feelings come and go. By the time many of us reach the final D, we have either done the work and are strong enough to stand straight...or jaded by the process and force all feelings down. Or perhaps a million places in between.
In my journey wise mentors and friends encouraged me to let the feelings come as they come...do not push them down...simply let them flow as they flow.
I recieved my notice in the mail...it was just another day...an end to a chapter in my story...not good or bad...
The waves came in small bunches over time afterwards. I learned to embrace them.
A big man hug to ya my friend.
Enjoy the calm. You have earned it at this point.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
H....you fought the good fight, now it is time to rest. You felt exactly as you should have yesterday, as H should have felt, as the feelings are yours. I am sure you will experience some emotions from time to time try to process them and keep moving.
Just remember this is just a chapter in the long story of your life. It takes two to make a MR work and in the end this is just as much if not more about her than it is you. Don't forget that.
Peace and happiness to you and your boys H (and one big BRO hug)!
H..... Our stories were almost line for line on the same path, I've learned a bunch reading all your posts and the responses from everyone on how to handle my sitch. In the end you fought for your family and that is commendable. As my IC reiterates every time I see her I am mourning the death of my marriage, it is perfectly OK to feel sadness for what has happened. So, take the time to feel the loss, continue what you are doing with your GAL and take care of your boys and yourself! Better days are ahead!!!
Hang in there, H. You did the best you could with what you have for your M, you're doing the best you can for your kids, and you've managed to survive something people just plain should not ever have to go through.
Holding, I was a little down at the hearing and for the drive home afterwards. Went to lunch with my mom after I got home, and from that point forward I haven't been down, it's like a weight was lifted. I guess I knew as long as I was M I had a responsibility to be willing to "try" and fix things, but once D, I really truly have just focused on me with a new lease on life.
I hope you feel the same.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
