Nothing new today. I forgot somethings from yesterday's interaction that I only remembered today. W told me she got me some things for Father's Day and asked if there was anything else I would like to go with the things she has. I just said no thanks but wow she is just killing me with kindness at the moment, she is testing my resolve to stick with what I have been doing.
I don't plan on changing my approach any time soon as it seems to be getting some results. Will keep contact minimal and avoid doing any "family" things.
Hope everyone is doing well. Stay strong.
Last edited by Cadet; 08/14/1604:21 AM. Reason: Link
ME- 31 W-25 T-5 M-3 D2 ILYBNILWY and moved out - FEB16 W seeing someone else - JUL16
I would not change your approach if you have seen progress in what you are doing. She just said in my situation the minimal contact would seem appropriate. I think every situation is different. Surfer made a goo point "IMO In terms of NC. I agree this is tricky. I think it's about focusing on sufficiently little contact for them to miss you. I think the point here, in part, is to halt the bad interactions through NC and detach lovingly. Detaching and much less contact allows you to cool off the emotions, not stop loving, cool off. It's not necessarily total NC it's just leave it for a while" Continue to detach, focus on yourself and go with what works and if it's not working change what you are doing. Stay strong!!!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
albac - lots of traffic here. Surfer already illustarted the point I was going to make. I know you get it albac, but when I look at our threads and the number of "views" vs actual "posts" I am cognizant of the fact that many people come here and just read w/out us even knowing they stopped in. SO I am joining Hawker and giving Surfer's post another push. NC could mean no contact as in zero communication, but for most people it means you do not contact your spouse. They contact you, you get to chose at what level and for how long and while once contacted do the 180's. That is my interpretation and that is what I do.
Buxom wrote,"My WH and OW have fought because she saw pics of him and me together on a mini break in June, just prior to BD. I have every confidence that the r can implode without interference. We end up looking good and no drama by comparison!"
You are correct my LBS female friend. It will implode on its own. I do wish to note something though for the men. I think the effects on the OW from what LBS does will be different than w/ OM. Yes, men get jealous and they will either wonder what is wrong w/ them, or get aggressive/angry, or they will make a plan to turn things around on the woman they want. Men are not jealous of the other man directly - men are jealous of the OM being in a positive situation w/ the woman they want. But women tend to be directly jealous of the other women. One of a woman's most respected treasure is her dignity. They have no issues dumping on another woman's dignity, but their own should be defended always. So, the OW seeing pictures of a WH being happy w/ his W will make the OW call to question her role w/ that man and make her question her rep. This comes out as passive aggressive or directly aggressive action on the man. Unless the man is weak and can be controlled, seeds of his A being no better if not worse than his M and he may eventually choose the shared history and loving reasons of the M over the A.
W/ the LBS male, the WW's OM will most likely not get jealous of her H b/c she chose the A for emotional reasons. She engages and re-enforces those emotions around her OM and b/c the OM does not know the WW on a deep level, he is inclined to believe what he receives. Women all know what makes men jealous; sometimes they will do things on purpose to men to pulse check their R or they will make certain to avoid letting a man see behaviors that could make him jealous. For most men, seeing a picture of their 'girl' w/ another guy will make them pissed off at the guy, not direct jealousy of his 'girl'. Also, the WW is still sleeping w/ the OM and for a man, R sex w/ a woman always tells the man things are good in his R at least for now and resets any questions he had about how good or bad things are as well as boosts his ego/confidence. Lastly and again, women want to protect their reputation. Which helps explain why the WW in an A will not tell the world about it, only to those BFF's who will support such and action. It is also why professionals recommend the LBS not exposing the A to friends/family or confronting the OM publicly - b/c this will shatter the WW's reputation and if you ever want her back, destroying her reputation will be the worst way to approach getting her to come home. No man ever suffered a stained reputation from an A for very long, women however are called to question their entire lives for one.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
I think you are spot on. I am not jealous or angry of OM because he does not know my W yet and I believe what ever it is they have will die on its own in short time, however what I don't know is if that will bring her my way and she realizes the loss or she moves to someone else and tries again.
ME- 31 W-25 T-5 M-3 D2 ILYBNILWY and moved out - FEB16 W seeing someone else - JUL16
I'm not sure. I have swings when my mind is not occupied I start overthinking everything and missing my W.
I can't see the end to this story and i don't know what will happen. Day by day I am getting better I think and accepting the situation but I can see how some people are pushed to D for the sake of sanity. This feeling of HOPE from the crumbs my W gives me are just like a form of torture.
It is so hard to detach and move forward with my own life when there is still hope for a R with W. I really struggle to deal with how much I want her.
I think I hide my true feelings well from W and that's why she is trying to have so much contact because I appear as if I am doing fine and moving on but the truth is much different.
One day at a time for me.
ME- 31 W-25 T-5 M-3 D2 ILYBNILWY and moved out - FEB16 W seeing someone else - JUL16
I don't think keeping it up will be a problem I am becoming use for he fact my W is done. As I mentioned in another thread it's just dawned on me that my W walked out in 1 day with no A and then 6 months later started seeing someone and told me about. She hasn't been hiding anything and she hasn't been mean or even angry.
I think my W just simply wasn't ready to be married. Yes I can see cracks appearing and she tells me she is struggling but I don't think that is going to help me. I could be way off but I don't think I am unfortunately.
Anyone everything is subject to change I will keep up what I am doing maybe even step it up I have nothing to lose because I've already lost.
ME- 31 W-25 T-5 M-3 D2 ILYBNILWY and moved out - FEB16 W seeing someone else - JUL16
