She also asked what I thought about our current situation. Honestly, I think she is mixed up and is making a terrible mistake. But I told her simply that "I'm working on myself and haven't really thought about it"
I think that was a really good response.
Originally Posted By: DigIt
If we get together this weekend, should I let her know that I think she's making a mistake, or would that be too pursuing of me? Mind you, I'm not asking her to work on us or get back together, those are my honest feelings on the situation.
I don't know if it'd be too pursuing, but my inclination is to listen and validate. I guess the issue I have is that from your perspective you see it as making a mistake; she may be thinking that this is the path to a blissful and fulfilling life. I think it'd be better to allow her to come to the conclusion that it's a mistake.
Hopefully someone more experienced will respond; I'm not a DB guru by any stretch.
She also asked what I thought about our current situation. Honestly, I think she is mixed up and is making a terrible mistake. But I told her simply that "I'm working on myself and haven't really thought about it"
I think that was a really good response.
Originally Posted By: DigIt
If we get together this weekend, should I let her know that I think she's making a mistake, or would that be too pursuing of me? Mind you, I'm not asking her to work on us or get back together, those are my honest feelings on the situation.
I don't know if it'd be too pursuing, but my inclination is to listen and validate. I guess the issue I have is that from your perspective you see it as making a mistake; she may be thinking that this is the path to a blissful and fulfilling life. I think it'd be better to allow her to come to the conclusion that it's a mistake.
Hopefully someone more experienced will respond; I'm not a DB guru by any stretch.
No, that's good advice and I appreciate it. Maybe I shouldn't word it as a mistake, as that isn't very validating. Idk, I'll have to think about how I can be honest without being confrontational.
Also, I should note, I'm initiating zero contact. I'm just responding to when she texts/calls. Other than her contacting me, I'm completely dark.
Maybe I shouldn't word it as a mistake, as that isn't very validating. Idk, I'll have to think about how I can be honest without being confrontational.
I agree. Most people appreciate honesty (when presented properly) even if there's a philosophical disagreement. I realize a raging WW may not appreciate honesty, but if she's raging I'm fairly certain you won't be discussing it anyway.
Maybe I shouldn't word it as a mistake, as that isn't very validating. Idk, I'll have to think about how I can be honest without being confrontational.
I agree. Most people appreciate honesty (when presented properly) even if there's a philosophical disagreement. I realize a raging WW may not appreciate honesty, but if she's raging I'm fairly certain you won't be discussing it anyway.
I won't even entertain any arguments/negativity right now. There's no raging at all from any side, she seems very lonely and sad, actually. But still wants to continue with it apparently. It almost seems as though she wants me to try and stop it, which is what my gut is telling me. Idk man, it [censored].
I've started IC, not sure if I mentioned that, but the counselor recommended that I let her know my thoughts on the whole situation. Being that codependency has been one of my problems with MR, laying down and taking whatever she throws at me, really is just more of the same. W and I are scheduled to meet this Sunday. We'll see how that goes.
I've started IC, not sure if I mentioned that, but the counselor recommended that I let her know my thoughts on the whole situation. Being that codependency has been one of my problems with MR, laying down and taking whatever she throws at me, really is just more of the same. W and I are scheduled to meet this Sunday. We'll see how that goes.
That wasn't entirely clear, I meant my counselor recommended that I let my wife know how I really feel about everything instead of merrily going along with a D.
God, I wish you could edit posts on this forum :^P
So had dinner with W yesterday. Overall, went pretty well. We didn't talk R stuff at all. I was gonna bring it up, but it just didn't seem right, so I opted to just keep it light. We laughed and had a good time. She said we should do it again soon. Baby steps
Just stopping by here. Nothing really to update, I'm continuing working on myself. W is hanging out with her single friends, which shouldn't really suprise me. I want to care about that, but I just don't. So I'm really beginning to think I'm successfully detaching. She texts me every couple days, and I respond, but my head just isn't with it in regards to my MR.
