I know exactly what you're doing; you're cranking up Metallica so loud that you're shattering the windows. (And please, none of that Metallica country music nonsense.)
haha, something like that! I did get a little home studio set up, and am currently learning the software. That's a great escape, because I need razor-sharp focus.
And looking back a few months-a year, I had gotten away from music, whether it was playing, or really just listening to it. I've definitely turned that around and feel really good about having done so.
so its been about a week 1/2 since NC. My FIL stopped by to pickup a desk in my garage for Step-S at school (FIL have property close to campus, so stores stuff up there).
I noticed that night that he dropped off the box of stuff W didn't want. On Saturday, Step-S stopped by before work, and before he was about to leave I noticed he was gathering up stuff for W. I asked and he said "I'm grabbing some stuff for mom". I told him that I didn't want him involved in this at all and that mom can come get the stuff herself. I was really pleasant about it. He was fine with it, but man, does it irk me.
Am I out of line here? He pretty much lives with her right now (before he goes back up to school), but I explictly told her not to involve him, and she does anyway. I get that it's easier to have him help because he is here anyway, but it goes against a simple request of mine.
lil bit of an update. . .W has been gone a few weeks now. I've been doing a great job (I think) of detaching. I'm not initiating any communication, and I am not affected by any of her actions. Actually, I'm not even sure what she has been up to, and right now, I do not care.
She asked if she could take the dogs to her famiy's property for the holiday. Its in the country and one of my dogs hates fireworks, so sure, no prob. She came to pick them up. It was a short meeting, I could tell she wasn't super comfortable. She took them and had her dad drop them off.
W texts me yesterday asking if I want to go out to dinner. I agreed. I'm preparing for bad news (such as she is moving forward with the divorce and wants to give me a heads up), but I'm not over thinking anything as well. Could just be a temp check. I'm just assuming she wants to meet with no good news, and anything else will be a bonus. Either way, I'm staying on my track as I'm not affected by her actions.
So she canceled dinner. I honestly figured that would happen. She wants to talk about moving forward with the divorce and didn't think going out to dinner was the best way to do it. She said it makes her sick to her stomach, she can't eat, started smoking more. She said she is lonely as well. I really don't see what getting a divorce will solve for her, but so far have been in agreement. I was quite pleasant on the phone, even told her I'm enjoying my single life.
She wants to go out to dinner on Sunday, not to talk divorce. I know I can only work on myself, but I can't shake the thought that divorce is a mistake. How do I bring that up to her though?
If she wants to, I can't stop her, but she asked me a couple times over our conversation what I thought about things. I was vague, and reiterated that I would sign anything she presented me.
She also asked if I was dating anybody. Seriously? I'm literally still married and you've been moved out for a month. I wouldn't answer, saying that it wasn't her business. But further thru the conversation, she got the idea that I was focusing on myself and that didn't involve anyone at the moment. She was adamate that she wasn't dating anyone, not that care too much right now.
I just keep reminding myself to have patience with all this.
She also asked if I was dating anybody. Seriously? I'm literally still married and you've been moved out for a month.
DigIt,
I suspect she may be projecting. When I think about some of the things my STBXW said, it totally baffled me at the time, but now I realize that she'd been thinking about that very thing so she evidently thought I was thinking along the same lines. For example, I opened a brokerage account to do some futures trading. It was all out in the open; I wasn't secretive about, but she got upset because her name wasn't on the account. I didn't open the account as a joint account because I just wanted to do some trading and it never crossed my mind to make it a joint account. I added her to the account (she never used the account), but I didn't understand why it was such a big deal to her until a few months later when she secretly opened a personal checking account. She'd already been thinking about opening her own account and transferring money.
I know this involves mind reading and speculation, but your wife may have been thinking about dating, and because she's been thinking about dating, then surely you must be thinking the same thing.
Again, I could be wrong, but evidently projection is common among wayward souses.
She also asked if I was dating anybody. Seriously? I'm literally still married and you've been moved out for a month.
DigIt,
I suspect she may be projecting. When I think about some of the things my STBXW said, it totally baffled me at the time, but now I realize that she'd been thinking about that very thing so she evidently thought I was thinking along the same lines. For example, I opened a brokerage account to do some futures trading. It was all out in the open; I wasn't secretive about, but she got upset because her name wasn't on the account. I didn't open the account as a joint account because I just wanted to do some trading and it never crossed my mind to make it a joint account. I added her to the account (she never used the account), but I didn't understand why it was such a big deal to her until a few months later when she secretly opened a personal checking account. She'd already been thinking about opening her own account and transferring money.
I know this involves mind reading and speculation, but your wife may have been thinking about dating, and because she's been thinking about dating, then surely you must be thinking the same thing.
Again, I could be wrong, but evidently projection is common among wayward souses.
Could be. She's very attractive, so I know it would be very easy for her to get into that. She seems to be having similar feelings that I was when we first split (loss of appetite, lonely, etc.) It appears she is starting to look within herself, which I'm glad for. But if she is already thinking about dating, jeez, I feel real bad for whoever that is.
She also asked what I thought about our current situation. Honestly, I think she is mixed up and is making a terrible mistake. But I told her simply that "I'm working on myself and haven't really thought about it"
If we get together this weekend, should I let her know that I think she's making a mistake, or would that be too pursuing of me? Mind you, I'm not asking her to work on us or get back together, those are my honest feelings on the situation.
