I feel so very unconnected from my WW now. I have moved the bed downstairs but ended up moving it back. I do not talk to her at all anymore. She is living her life and I am living mine. I spend time with the girls and she goes to meetings. She was a part of this political campaign to get her friend elected (he lost) We have not talked about that and I know she was deeply hurt by that. (Her plan was for him to win and her to divorce me in November). She is now setting her sights to run for another position herself in March. Time will tell but I know she was hurt to see her efforts fail.
I try to keep busy, I lost 52 lbs since last year so I have made an effort to find new clothes that fit. I got some dress shirts altered and I went out to a club last Friday night (my friend is the dj so no worries I was hanging with him and spinning music like the old days) I did invite her to go she declined.
Tonight I will go to group counseling and work on NMMNG.
I still have a huge problem saying no to her, I really want her to come back to our marriage.
She said she has noticed a change but a huge part of her says don't trust it this is all a trick.
I said no one is playing games here, there is way too much at stake.
She will be a little less active since the campaign is over which hopefully means more presence around the house for the family. I have plenty of projects around the house to keep my busy so no worries there.
I don't know what it will take for your brain to get the message that what you are doing does not work. Your thought process about her and the MR is way off the reality scale.
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I still have a huge problem saying no to her, I really want her to come back to our marriage.
Do you understand that is why the woman can't stand you? B/c you are weak and won't tell her no? B/c you cave to her and won't stick by your own decisions when they aren't what she wants? To women, that shouts weakness. She has zero respect for you! Why do you think that is? It's b/c you won't stand up and be the man who dares tell her what he thinks about her nastiness. Women want a man who is stronger than she is, and you are not showing your W strength.
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She said she has noticed a change but a huge part of her says don't trust it this is all a trick.
First of all, I suspect the only reason she even said she noticed is b/c you asked, as a part of your bargaining tactics.
Secondly, how dare she tell you she doesn't trust you!! She is the cheater here, and she's saying she thinks it is all a trick? Very typical of a wayward wife, did you know that?
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She will be a little less active since the campaign is over which hopefully means more presence around the house for the family. I have plenty of projects around the house to keep my busy so no worries there.
Like I said, I don't know what it will take to open your eyes. It doesn't matter if she's there a 100% of the time! She doesn't like you. She can't stand to be around you! She keeps secrets and won't even tell you where she is or what she's doing. Get real.
I don't know how to teach you to be a man. I can just tell you that this isn't the way you successfully deal with a wayward woman. She isn't going to just come around or things just simply smooth over and work itself out. Abiding under the same roof does not make a MR. Nothing changes until the people change. There is no love in her heart. She is completely closed off from you. You cannot approach this issue by telling yourself you just need to show her more love. No, you need to show more backbone.
Why do you desire to stay with a person who feels that way about you and treats you so disrespectfully?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
