I was a regular on this site a few years ago. The wife and I had separated back in January of 2013 but reconciled in June of 2013. Well here we are again. The last few weeks felt really familiar to what happened last time around so I wasn't shocked. This time around she says that she wanted to separate and reset everything. I told her I understood why she felt that way and I didn't beg or please like last time. I learned a lot from last time on how not to act. lol We are still seeing a marriage counselor every few weeks and went and saw him this afternoon. She and I decided to live in separate rooms for the time being and we are going to start seeing the MC every week for the next 8 weeks The last time around she was upset because I was a terrible father, wasn't providing and wasn't there for her. This time around its just the latter. Me verbally abusing her for no need, not trusting her still, and not supporting her on what she wants to do
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Sorry to see you back. This is my second time back as well. Sounds like you are better prepared to deal this time around. Good for you. It ain't over till its over, as they say. Keep up the good work and take comfort in the wonderful and supportive people that are on this forum.
I'd be tempted to do a major 180 and just quit the M counseling. Tell her that if she's committed to being in a M where she remains loyal and faithful and committed for better or worse until death do you part, you're willing to do what you can to be a good partner. But if she's going to be perpetually critical and controlling by hanging D over your head, you won't accept that in your life. Then I'd tell her either she moves back into the same bedroom and promises never to use separation again, or I'd say the next time she brings it up I'd file for D and never look back.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Unfortunately I don't think demanding her for us to be in the same bedroom at this time is the right move. One of her complaints is me being controlling. She also said last night that everything I say all the time sounds like accusations. Like asking who she is texting, where she has been, etc I admit the hardest thing since we have reconciled is me trusting her unconditionally. I know the 3 things I need to work on and those are trust, accepting her for who she is and supporting her 100 percent If I can do those things we should be fine. She even mentioned a couple times yesterday about "us" moving. Looking at homes so her dad can have a bedroom on first floor when he visits(he's in a wheelchair). I agree we shouldn't be throwing out D word or separation and Lord knows I was the worst about it. Its got to stop though. She hasn't been wearing her weeding ring for about a month now and that bothers me. I don't know how to bring that up without being "controlling' at the moment. She is going to a music festival with an old girlfriend this weekend who I don't think is my biggest ally. This weekend is going to definitely give me anxiety because I worry when you combine where we are at with alcohol and an old friend like that it could lead to something bad. I know I cant control that and only control what I can, but it gets me stressed when I think about it
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
