Still moving in a new direction

[mleigh4]

Hey Bttrfly, I too would choose building a new marriage over being single at 46. I'm trying, really digging for patience...thank you for the spew apron! I love the color ((hugs))

GOOD NEWS. H says he will do counseling with me. He gave me times that work for him . I will schedule an appt and hope he follows through. This could be a game changer for us.....

I am surprised, I expected him to avoid it, then I could say, I'm done! But there he goes, throwing another curve ball. I think this all threw me into my funk because I really thought we were making progress. I thought we got through that phase, and then there it was, snowball after snowball of bash and spew on my mothering. I know, fueled by MIL, possibly projection, but it still hurts.

So I walked with dog this morning, pointing out the sunrise, the birds singing, the beautiful flowers blooming to myself. Time to shake this off. I am taking a MLC vacation until we start our therapy! That should stir up some fun emotions, I'm a little nervous.

Yesterday was S bday. I picked him up after school, we went and got frozen yogurt for my office. H came over after with a small Mine craft cake. We then all went together to see Kung Fu Panda, H invited me. It was a nice time. I still feel on guard, and I politely listened while H talked about how he is a counselor to his guys at work and told me the story of one guy having problems with depression and took a month off. He was talking and talking, I had to push him to avoid being late for the movie, we just made it.

I feel fatigued! This weekend is going to be about pampering me. It should be a perfect rainy weekend to do so. Happy Friday!

[2Times2Many]

I have to echo BF and bttrfly's thoughts. I sometimes find myself doing the same thing. Not rewriting history, but focusing way too much on the negative stuff.

I found myself reaching, sometimes going way back, for things h had done or not done and using those to fuel my anger and resentment toward him, as well as reasons to do whatever I wanted or treat him however I wanted. Thankfully, I realized I was doing pretty much the same thing he had done (only on a much smaller scale). I still catch myself doing that from time to time, but have made an effort to stop my train of thought and make sure my thoughts aren't distorted by the current sitch. I want to at least try to think as clearly as I possibly can in the midst of this tornado.

I so wish I had a magic wand to wave and make your MIL issues go away. It's hard enough to deal with a MLCer and protect yourself and your child without having to do battle with his family at the same time.

[2Times2Many]

M, just read your latest post. I'm so glad h is has agreed to the counseling and I hope he does follow through. It's a small step, but one in the right direction.

You are definitely due for a little pampering! Enjoy the dickens out of it!

[HaWho]

Mleigh - wow! Very impressed that your h agreed. Maybe you should run late and accidentally send him the MLC expert in the room next to the family counselor. LOL!

[job]

I'm glad your h has agreed to go to counseling...but...let's see if he actually goes and yes, truly listening to what his exchanged between all parties and doesn't filter out only what he wants to hear. Gosh, I so hope that things will finally settle down on the co-parenting if he's open and willing to work w/you. I sure hope granny stays out of the picture when it comes to the parenting.

Try to enjoy your weekend. Get some much needed rest.

[bttrfly]

baby steps in the right direction sweetie. Yes, I thought that color would look good on you - You wear the spew apron with style! {{{hugs}}}

Now just focus on you for the weekend.

As for the session, zero expectations ...

xoxooxox

[mleigh4]

Thanks for the soft 2x4 guys. I have been dwelling on bad times, in lieu of H spew. I hate how he can still bring me into this dark place. I am waking back up, thanks to the push.

H TM me last night, a reminder to have S contact his parents to thank them for his birthday gifts. My first thought was, they are your parents, he can do that when he is with you tomorrow. I did not answer his TM and went about my night.

This morning, I re-read your posts to me, and read Irish post about having good memories with W, when it hit me, what am I doing? I always have S thank people, I am just having a pissy fit of anger towards them. I have worked through much of my anger with H, but now it seems to have latched onto his parents. It doesn't feel good and not like the person I want to be.

I had S call his grandparents this morning. I figured they would not answer, seeing my number! Lol. MIL didn't, but FIL did and made a point to tell S to tell me he said hi. I knew I did the right thing.

Dropped off S to H today. H was going to pick up S, then got tied up in a yelling match with Amazon for not properly shipping S gift in time. He ordered S gift one day before his birthday, but is ticked at Amazon for messing up the shipping....

I see a pattern with H here recently in the last month......fought with his company for not reimbursing him for expenses quick enough, fought with airline over missed flight, fought with me, fought with Bask in Robbins over cake he ordered for S not looking good enough, and fought with Amazon today over late shipping. He is on an anger roll and clearly not seeing any part he has in it.

Anyway, I was light and bright at drop off. I didn't want to drop off S with a grump, so I did my best to cheer H up. Lots of smiles and laughs. I have enjoyed my day and evening watching movies and being really lazy!

Thanks again for helping me to see a trap I fall into! I wish you all a good weekend

[HaWho]

Yep - sounds like he's looking for places to project his anger! I see the same sort of thing in my h. He is stumbling around, makes a lot of errors and then blames it on others.

Ordering a gift 1 day in advance and then blaming Amazon? Does he think Santa is going to drop it in the chimney while the reindeers chomp on a few carrots? Those poor customer service people!!!

The fact that your h asked you to have your son call your in-laws made me think he wanted you all to make peace.

[Butterc]

Anyway, I was light and bright at drop off. I didn't want to drop off S with a grump, so I did my best to cheer H up. Lots of smiles and laughs. I have enjoyed my day and evening watching movies and being really lazy

Mleigh, I'm impressed with how you're handling things. You show an example to your s (& us) of how to be a classy lady. S will grow up to be a respectful person. And you'll never be a mommy dearest.

I'm taking notes and hope to stay classy too

[2Times2Many]

I know exactly what you mean about getting in arguments with others. I've seen h do it over and over again, almost in an entitled, "How dare you treat me like this!" manner. There have been times I wanted to crawl under a rock and pretend I didn't know him.

Obviously, the "it's all about me" attitude extends beyond us. I often wonder if they treat their new friends or OP in the same manner?

Kudos to you for being able to keep smiling and take it in stride.