One day in the future, if I am allowed, I will do this with the woman I will be loving: "About twenty years ago, a close friend and I drove to southern Virginia to attend a retreat led by Vietnamese Zen teacher Thich Nhat Hanh. At the closing ceremony, he asked us to choose a partner—I turned to face my friend—and bow to each other. He then instructed us to hug our partner while taking three conscious and full in-breaths and out-breaths. With the first breath, he said to reflect: “I’m going to die”; with the second, “You’re going to die”; and with the third, “And we have just these precious moments.” After slowly releasing our embrace, my friend and I looked at each other through our tears. Thich Nhat Hanh had, in a beautiful way, turned us toward the refuge of truth."
From "True Refuge", by Tara Brach.
Me43 W39 M 12y,T 15y S09,S07 Bomb Jun14 Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15 Share bed Mar/May15 Reconcile Jun15 Aug15 W sais D will happen D told to kids Sept15 W moved out with kids 01 October15
Ripe, thank you, what a beautiful experience that would be. I am a fan of Thich Nhat Hanh, what a beautiful soul. I just read this by him:
“impermanence teaches us to respect and value every moment and all the precious things around us and inside of us. When we practice mindfulness of impermanence, we become fresher and more loving”.
My posts on death were about understanding the impermanence of life. When one realizes that the only constant in life is change, it makes every moment that much better. Peace
Mu...just wanted to stop in and say hello. I have not been posting as much on here lately but still try to follow the stories of many of the wonderful people I met on these boards. Can I just say I count you among these, and am truly inspired by your kind, gentle nature and honesty and integrity as a man. Please know, no matter how dark the night is, there is happiness on the other side and you will get there. In the meanwhile, you have the love and support of a great many friends here and we are all rooting for you.
Thank you for your kind words. I am at peace with my situation. Some days are harder then others but the flip side of that is also true, so the universe is in balance. Be well and come visit anytime, your always welcome.
I am glad you have found peace in your situation and from your posts we have learned a lot about your thoughts and reflections.That is great as it is our thinking that determines both our actions and our attitude.
A while back you listed the traits you want to change.How are you doing with that? What actions are you taking for that.
Are you standing up to your W? Don't let her disrespect you. Make a conscious decision to ACT whenever she disrespects you.
How are your interactions in the house? What are you doing to further improve them? I am not only referring to with W. Get off this forum when you are with your kids and do something together.
As you are well aware it is our actions that determine our results.Just a gentle reminder.
You don't need to reply to this.It is just to get you thinking and hopefully DOing.
Happy thoughts.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
I truly miss you Jelly. I am uncomfortable with how I responded to your suggestion last week. I could not have taken any other path then the one I chose but in doing so I feel like I let you down and rejected you. To do the right thing is difficult when the right choice goes against one's wants and desires. While writing this I realize I am now grasping at the attachment I feel from our friendship and a sense of loss from how my actions affected our friendship. My actions have caused change.
"No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man" - Heraclitus
roiste, I am slowing making changes to my behavior. I speak out when I perceive injustice instead of allowing my silence to support the wrong side of a position. I am trying to advocate when I witness suffering. These events are happening for the most part at work. My eyes are open to the suffering going on around me. Through this journey of self discovery I have become able to sense others pain and empathize with them.
At home there are no issues to stand up for, my wife leads a separate life from mine. She does not talk to me, she chose to cleave herself from the life we have built. She is a ghost. I am with my kids much more and my time on this site is way down. I have evolved to trying to be in my kids life whenever possible, being present in their lives. This opportunity is only available to me now and I will not squander it.
dday, I miss you. It would be nice if you lived near by, I would enjoy your company. I am mounting the four door panels on my grow box today. My daughter is helping me. It's a double win, my daughter's company and my project's evolution. Maybe the grow box is a metaphor for my own personal growth. Please stop bye your presence has great value to me.
Peace, Jelly, roiste, dday and all of my other dear friends
Glad to hear you are spending time with your daughter today. My kids have been invaluable in my recovery. Not only do I do things to better myself, but it also shows to my children that you can go through the worst and still come out on the other side....different but ok, often better than before.
You are a kind, sensitive man. Your input into our threads are always welcome. Do be careful on being too empathetic. You can not take on everyone's suffering around you. Acknowledge what you can and then let it go. Feeling and sensing other's pain and emotions around you can be overwhelming and exhausting. Do some research on blocking for Empaths. I'm speaking from experience. I do much better now that I don't always take on other's emotions and feelings.
Take care and have yourself a fabulous day!
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
I will take your post to mean that you would prefer that I don't post to you anymore. I will respect your wish. I do wish you your every hearts desire particularly for the reconciliation of your marriage.
