Great stuff Matt! Glad to hear you're doing so well and congrats on your engagement! Your story is a great example of how a DB success story doesn't always have to mean reconciling.
I have no idea what drove me to post again today, but figure I should give some kind of update. I guess it's a holiday weekend so work is kinda slow...so, here I am!
It's been over two years since XW moved out now. In some sense, it's crazy how long ago it seems, and in another sense, there are still times where I can remember specific sights, sounds, or feels from that time so vividly. I wonder if anyone here remembers my story as I was only posting for a few months before my ex found this site and my posts and requested strongly that I have it all taken down. Regardless of the outcome, I believe that I learned a lot about love and relationships during the time I was posting here.
As a quick recap of my sitch, I had BD in March, separated in April, she moved out in June, told me about the boyfriend in July, and we were divorced by November. She married the other man last spring and Ive been dating my current girlfriend for about a year and a half now. Thinking back, it's all been a crazy whirlwind, but I appreciate how life has continued to settle down over the last 12-18 months to get to a point where everything is more or less in a routine now.
Ive kept a good bit of my GAL activities and maintained the boundaries that I set for myself as best as I could. It's interesting when I look around and see just how different my life is now than just 2 years ago. I have my family and one friend couple who Ive been friends with almost 20 years; aside from that, everyone else in my life is totally new either through GAL or my GF's 'network'. The furniture and paint in my house is almost all completely redone since the end of the marriage; it's like I got picked up and put into a new life!
My kids have handled life better than even I could have expected. It's got to be tough on them having several sets of rules and expectations, but they are great kids and theyve really transitioned into having multiple households great. I still get that "relay race handoff" feel every time I pick them up from school on switch day, but it's become more regular over time. Them being used to the schedule of who is where on what day and keeping it fairly consistent has really been good for them.
We do all kinds of fun things with them, and honestly, I think they like my GF more than they like me; she is all about spoiling them with parties and play dates and the like. I thought I was doing a good job when it was just me, but she really takes things up a few notches over anything I could have done.
My relationship with GF still feels strong. On occasion, I can still sense when I am reverting back to old relationship habits: being cheap about things that dont require frugality, being lazy about silly things, diminishing her accomplishments, and so on, but now, I am much more aware of those things and I can course correct myself. Most of the other things Ive mentioned before have continued to stick and I feel proud about that. I still have things I want to improve about myself and how I behave within the relationship, and I know I need to do a better job of concretely identifying those and setting personal goals for them.
Anyway, thats enough for now, I suppose. I hope everyone is doing as well as can be expected.
How did you XW "call you out" on what you were posting? She basically just said she saw what you wrote? And then gave you a hard time about it?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
How did you XW "call you out" on what you were posting? She basically just said she saw what you wrote? And then gave you a hard time about it?
i was a new LURKER at that time... i believe she showed up at court with all of his postings printed out--in a stack... and handed them over to him... i was a wayward wife at the time, coming back to my family... i felt awful for him... so happy for him now!
How did you XW "call you out" on what you were posting? She basically just said she saw what you wrote? And then gave you a hard time about it?
i was a new LURKER at that time... i believe she showed up at court with all of his postings printed out--in a stack... and handed them over to him... i was a wayward wife at the time, coming back to my family... i felt awful for him... so happy for him now!
Close. She brought all 400+ pages of my threads printed out to hand to me after signing the separation agreement at the lawyers office. Then came here to post a 'farewell' message. She was (justifiably) upset to read some of what I had said here as I was pretty open about my feelings and leaned heavily for support of the board.
She brought all 400+ pages of my threads printed out to hand to me after signing the separation agreement at the lawyers office. Then came here to post a farewell message. She was (justifiably) upset to read some of what I had said here as I was pretty open about my feelings and leaned heavily for support of the board.
She sounds like my ex - who has a username here but never posted.
