Didn't notice I was at 100 already so it's time to start a new thread. I'm not really sure how to link old thread here. Those that have helped me so far know the story. Those that haven't it's titles WaW and trying to repair.
I'm not sure what I am going to do here. W is I assume still pissed about me talking to her friend pre DB. And it's not that I'm scared of her being angry or care that she's mad. It's her choice to be upset by it. What is bothering me is when she comes to me looking to fight about it. I am going to use all I have learned here in the last week and try to keep cool. I know if she approaches me with it I am going to start by saying. I understand your angry about me talking to your friend, is anything I say about it to you really going to change how you feel about any of this? Also I want to add. When I was talking to your family and friend I was looking for something to help me with you. It was out of fear and anger. I still get scared. I still get upset sometimes and I'm working to get past that. For the last week I am happier than I have been in almost 3 months because my focus has shifted from what I can do for you to what I can be for my children and myself.
At that point if she still wants to fight is where I walk away and say. I am not going to argue with you. If you want to discuss this without anger later let me know.
Last edited by Cadet; 01/09/1602:18 AM. Reason: Link
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I realized tonight that although I am making progress dbing. I have only been doing it a short time and still worry about what S thinks of me. I hate that she is angry with me and I let it affect me.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Also I want to add. When I was talking to your family and friend I was looking for something to help me with you. It was out of fear and anger. I still get scared. I still get upset sometimes and I'm working to get past that. For the last week I am happier than I have been in almost 3 months because my focus has shifted from what I can do for you to what I can be for my children and myself.
Tyler, that would be great if your wife still wanted to be with you, but she doesn't. It makes you sound like you're coming from a place of weakness and just trying to do whatever you can to make her happy. That will not make you attractive to her. And, the last part of your statement tells her what you're doing, you can't point it out, she has to see it and figure it out for herself or she will think you're just doing it to get he back, then will stop.
Might be better to just say something like....
It sounds like you're feeling hurt and upset that I talked to ___. I didn't realize that it would make you feel that way. I'm sorry if that hurt you.
.....just validate, apologize and move on. Don't keep rehashing it. And don't appear weak or clingy to her, it will not help you
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Feel like today any DB progress I made is gone. Like I expected she was angry with me and we ended up not fighting but talking. I don't remember all of the specifics anymore as it was late
Today I woke up with much less happiness that I had and part of it was because though some days I had to fake it to make it. She saw right through it at let me know.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
W told me today that she sees the changes I have implemented and are attempting. That they are positive changes. I didn't ask her. She came to me and told me this. I thanked her and smiled. I know I should t believe anything she says and have no expectations. Even if she was lying it was a nice thing to hear. I know she is still leaving in a week. And has no plans on reconciling that I know of. Day by day. Step by step this is about being happy for me and my children. That is my focus
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Good for her to notice, but she needs to not notice just the change for a week or two.
She will realize her sitch when you keep going. And you know what, you'll continue to see the positive changes change you, your attitude, and how you can handle life.
You want her to want to be with you.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
Thanks trumpet. Love the Penguins reference. Made me smile Cause I love that line. Going today to get some new clothes. It's been at least a year or more since I bothered. And it seems like it's all too big for me now. And has been for awhile. Long before sitch. So I'm going attempt this with my little guys. Which is a 180 for me as well and I need to learn to do this kind of stuff with kids in tow. I think the biggest change so far may not be me GAL. It's my mind always thinking of what I can do to GAL. I can't do all things but I am doing a heck of a lot more than I did even 2 weeks ago
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I like to THINK. Sounds like you do, too. Even if I do one thing different, your brain will be uncomfortable for a bit, but then you'll realize that one step gives you the power to take many more.
Take the step.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
Today I took S3 and S 11m clothes shopping with me. Before DB I would have done it differently as I would have probably just sat at home and done nothing like watch tv or something. Don't even know anymore. Lol Also it's been years since I went clothes shopping. So I loaded up the boys and we hit 4-5 different stores. It was a challenge trying on thins with the littlest guy. But it was something I wanted to see if I could handle. And of course I could. I got to take them out to McDonald's which is a treat for them. Not so much me as I'm trying to be healthier. And played in the play ground there. They were awesome and it was a lot of fun. 4 straight hours of thinking of them and myself. It was a great change
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
