The DSM-IV-TR defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder as �an all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and present in various contexts,� such as family life and work.
1. Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g., exaggerates accomplishments, talents, skills, contacts, and personality traits to the point of lying, demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements);
2. Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalled brilliance (the cerebral narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion;
3. Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions);
4. Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation � or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious (Narcissistic Supply);
5. Feels entitled. Demands automatic and full compliance with his or her unreasonable expectations for special and favorable priority treatment;
6. Is �interpersonally exploitative�, i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends;
7. Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with, acknowledge, or accept the feelings, needs, preferences, priorities, and choices of others;
8. Constantly envious of others and seeks to hurt or destroy the objects of his or her frustration. Suffers from persecutory (paranoid) delusions as he or she believes that they feel the same about him or her and are likely to act similarly;
9. Behaves arrogantly and haughtily. Feels superior, omnipotent, omniscient, invincible, immune, �above the law�, and omnipresent (magical thinking). Rages when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted by people he or she considers inferior to him or her and unworthy (http://samvak.tripod.com).
Of those characteristics I can see H having/displaying all of them to some degree with the exception of 7 and 8
I see these traits in him from the beginning but they weren't negative. If that makes any sense. It was like he had a mild expression of all of those traits. Several of my friends and colleges have used the term to describe him. I had never really thought about it because he was SO outgoing and charming and everybody loved him - including me!
Uh-oh. Was he a charmer? Is it possible you were blinded by him?
Let me put it this way. Narcissists always come first, always. Was he able to put your needs and the needs of your children ahead of his? If so, you're looking at MLC.
On the other hand, it's possible for people to possess narcissistic traits without being full-blown narcissists. They do have the potential to "give in" and become narcissists.
The answer to this question lies in his personality and ability to put others before himself over the years. If it was a sudden change, probably not. If it's gradually been building over time - you may have a bigger problem.
Oh yes he was/is a charmer. Always makes people feel great about themselves. He will tell you what you want to hear. Different person- different version of the same story (no matter what the story is) It seems like he always struggled to me and the kids first. He wanted to do what he wanted to do. I remember one Halloween when it was just the first two boys. One was just 6 months old but the other was two. Son was so excited for his "first" Halloween. We waited on the porch for daddy to come home and take him trick or treating (cause I was going to put the baby to bed) we waited and waited all dressed up - H was out for drinks after work. Finally a neighbor offered to watch the baby so I could take 2 yr old son around. It was soooooo sad. There are stories like that throughout the years.
Jpeg - this isn't potentially not good news. What are you doing? What made you decide to research this direction?
I don't want to alarm you. The research you're doing is alarming enough! It could still be MLC - especially with the tantrums. Do his current actions seem very immature, like a teenagers?
I met with a friend yesterday and she suggested I look it up. Also a colleague at work also described H that way. And yes - he is acting like a teenager
But...what are we doing? Why a label, other than the one he already has? WAH...he's gone for now, Jpeg. I don't think it matters why, the fact is he's gone. I know you don't want to - but the only thing you can really do, the only thing you should do, is focus on yourself. Move forward without him.
Hopefully, one day he'll do his own version of a V-8 commercial - knock himself in the head, and say "What am I doing?" But until that day comes, you are treading water. Wouldn't you rather make some progress?
You realize I do understand where you're coming from. You just want H to come back...but he won't for a while, if ever. My dear friend, let's look at what life looks like if you're living for you. What are your goals? Where do you want to be? What places do you want to visit?
The hope is that one day, H will wake up and run to catch up with you as you continue your own journey. You can't, for your own peace of mind, stand in one spot and observe his actions. It's hurting you so very badly. Let's dream for you...Jpeg, the most awesome, faithful, loyal friend and wife ever created! She deserves really great things in life...let's make that happen.
What do you think you need to do to start moving forward? Even if it's just an inch?
