I have been trying LRT for 2 months but no result. I don't think I'm doing it right. I'm setting goal for myself but I don't have the courage to set goals for my relationship. H checked a long time ago and in DB there is a passage which says that there are some times where it is too late to save M. Unfortunately I think I'm one of them.
Hi Rouky, what specific things are you doing for LRT? I re read that chapter last night with the passage in that says there are some times where it is too late to save M. I think that is my situation too. It breaks my heart, but when I look back on our M since his Mum died, H has treat me differently for a lot longer than since the BD in September. I think he checked out a long time ago too. I'm really trying hard not to give up hope though, because I don't want this. I don't want to be a single Mum and I don't want my children to be in a broken family. I will hold on until I receive a decree absolute I think, but I don't know. I suppose it depends what baby steps (if any) there are along the way.
I understand how you feel about seeing all these families together. It hurts.
Hang in there. You have been able to do it once, you have more knowledge now to do it a 2nd time :-)
I wish that were true Rouky, but I think H is less confused and more sure of himself that it is what he wants this time. Last time I think he'd just lost himself for a while and did question himself if it was the right thing to do. He was also talking to someone who encouraged him to give it another go. He is determined he is not wrong this time and that it divorce is his only option. I feel like such a fool, because when the BD in September I should have gone straight into DR mode and instead I did ALL the wrong things despite knowing DR techniques. What a fool! I listened to other people who told me they wouldn't stand for it and I should tell him to go if he didn't love me, and look where that got me. He left and never wants to come back. I feel so guilty that I have done this to my children, H gave me a chance to show him we could be different as he was undecided and instead of grabbing that chance and running with it I destroyed any chance we ever had. I will regret it forever.
For my LRT I don't communicate with him (no texts messages, no phone calls, not initiating conversation).
When he comes round I go out with my dog or carry on with household chores!
I can't see any baby step from WH! Before OW was back on the scene he would share things about his work, but now he is living with her. He has completely shut himself to me!
I don't know what to do, how I can still have feelings for him after what he did!
Oh Rouky, I'm sorry you're not seeing any baby steps, it is so hard.
You still have feelings because you took your vows seriously and you truly love your H. Also I think when we go through this whole DR thing we can see how much better things could be with our Hs if they would only give the M half a chance, and that keeps us holding on and hoping.
S11 has said to me today that he wants to remind H about something that H said on holiday in August about me. S wants to remind him so that he will rethink what he's doing and come home (S's own words). Not sure what to do. Should I just let S say it or should I try to stee?r him away from saying it
He's a kid. Let him say what he wants to when you're not around. Its what kids do. Even the adult ones. H may think you put him up to it and it may come back on you, but will that matter? H will think what he thinks, regardless. Just continue to DB as much as you can. I, once again, was weak last night and probably caused a backwards step in my own DBing, but it also caused another moment of enlightenment. Sometimes little whoopsies, little emotional moments do that. Like hurt little ones being honest in expressing their feelings to the ones they love. Just make sure you are not there looking like you are coaching him.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
He's a kid. Let him say what he wants to when you're not around. Its what kids do. Even the adult ones. H may think you put him up to it and it may come back on you, but will that matter? H will think what he thinks, regardless. Just continue to DB as much as you can. I, once again, was weak last night and probably caused a backwards step in my own DBing, but it also caused another moment of enlightenment. Sometimes little whoopsies, little emotional moments do that. Like hurt little ones being honest in expressing their feelings to the ones they love. Just make sure you are not there looking like you are coaching him.
Hi Ciluzen, thanks! It's good to hear from you, been feeling very lonely and low today. That's exactly what I thought too, that H will think I've put him up to it. But, as you say, does it matter? I suppose not. H did not contact us at all yesterday and then today he text to say he didn't come round yesterday because he fell asleep when he got in from work. Then he has asked if the kids would like to go out for breakfast in the morning. Guess that means he's not coming round tonight either. It is so hard when he doesn't come round. It makes me wonder what he's doing. Wonder if he's got someone else. I text back that I'd asked the kids and they would like to go for breakfast. H text back that I can come too if I want. Not sure whether to go or not. Feels like it was a forced after thought on his part rather than one of my goals of him actually inviting me because he wants to see me. What did you do that you think caused a backwards step?
I think today has been one of my worst days since H left. I have not been able to get motivated beyond basic functions like making meals for S & D and myself. I have cried on and off all day and nothing I do takes away the pain. I miss H so much. Miss even just hearing his key in the door coming home from work (he works shifts so often came in while we're all in bed). I don't see how there can be an end to this loneliness. How do you get a life when you have no spare money and 2 children to look after?
I know I've asked a lot of questions on here today. If anyone could suggest any answers I'd be so grateful. Feel like I'm drowning over here.
Still don't know whether to join H and kids tomorrow when he takes them out for breakfast.
Hi inpain. I'm very new to this, so I don't have much in the way of advice or answers. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for your situation, and you're not alone.
Personally, I would skip the breakfast. Might be best to let the kids have some time with Dad, and work on detaching.
Me: 37, W: 35 S14, S11, S8, D6 M: 15 years EA: 09/2014 Ring off: Spring 2015 Current status: still together, but separate beds.
