I'm feeling pretty good these days. Except when it comes to practical stuff. Money is starting to worry me. Not right now, for down the line. If my ONE job idea doesn't work out, I have NO clue what I'm going to to.
I had a great session with my therapist yesterday. She said I should pat my own back, I'm making so much progress. I mentioned when H had started to say something about worrying he was letting down D and I quickly changed to the subject to avoid a fight, that he was baiting me. I don't think he did it consciously, but it was nice that she validated how I handled it.
She recommend Headspace for me, an app for meditation. I'm on day 2, but I really really like it.
Once again, anyone else have experience with a WS whose LL is physical Touch? Long distance specifically.
Ancaire, in regards to my PMA (hahah, first I accidentally typed PMS), it's somewhat a conscious choice. I used to sometimes kill time by reading celebrity gossip online, that stuff can be pretty snarky, so I decided to stop. I cleared my browser history, so it wouldn't pop up (also smart to do if your spouse ever uses your comp, you don't want them to find this forum) I unsubscribed from all the newsletters I receive. Most of them I would just delete anyways, but sometimes they would tempt me with sales etc, which would just annoy me. I try to be very aware of what I put out there, is what I get back. Does that make sense? I have a lot of things I don't like about myself, so in order to change that I need to first observe it, then I can change. My end goal is to not have things happen to me, but for me to make things happen.
I know it is hard because of the long distance. Mine moved to another state the first time around. I remember thinking how impossible the whole thing was. Here I was in Pennsylvania. I could be doing great, or I could be doing horrid, how would he know? My PMA could be through the roof or in the gutter. It did not matter. He was sitting in Maryland next to his pregnant girlfriend.
Like your H, mine needs physical touch, and that was completely out of the question for me.
I know it is impossible, but since you can't control it, for now ignore the physical touch LL. Do you only respond on ONE LL? Yes, you have your favorite, but the others will produce a response from you as well. So concentrate on what you can control.
I see you are worried that your ONE job idea might not work out. Can you brainstorm some more job ideas? If you can, throws some more pots on the burner so if one does not work, you wont starve.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
He just emailed he wants to talk tomorrow night for a bit. Just about what's going to happen in the near future, finances, apartments, our D, christmas etc. These are the things that knock me off my feet. Makes everything seem so real etc. I hate it. I don't want to talk about money. It scares me. Can't explain why. I'm at his mercy.
Ok. First, you're not back at square one...it just feels that way. Deep breaths, Gmum. You've come so far, don't get all upset because of a talk. Do you have any ideas about what is going to happen in the near future? Write them down. Prepare for the conversation as much as you can. Meditate.
G - how about asking him to correspond through email only? that way you can digest it on your own time.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
You are a strong independent woman, why do such things knock you off course?
Is it fear of the unknown or what you don't understand?
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I guess it's partly fear of the unknown. And not knowing how I'm going to be able to work and take care of our D. And making ENOUGH money.
Our standard of living had gone up a bit when we moved less than a year ago. Now it's back to living in an older miserable apartment where I have to schlep laundry up and down the stairs. Living on a very tight budget without a lot of wiggle room. Never being able to fully relax, because I'll always have an unpaid bill to worry about or feel guilty I'm not being a present or good enough mom to our D.
And he can scoop in and be the fun dad, who always brings a gift and gives her treats.
I know I'm not a victim, but I didn't sign up for this $h!t!!!!
If it isn't real yet, don't allow it to be so in your mind, change your mental picture.
You are a very smart woman who can either put her mind to work out solutions for herself, or accept sh1t that comes along, which sounds more attractive to you?
Since being on this forum you have grown immensely and now is the time to reap the benefits of that growth, you aren't the same person you once were, so be the person you've become.
You are bound to have some fear, those who are courageous act in spite of fear and you are courageous. Make a life for you and your D that you desire by having a mental picture of what you want, not what you don't want.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
