Walk away wife and my journey

[ATPeace]

I do understand that I need to detach W is already making plans each Saturday night last week it was a club this week same girl friend but out to a party friends 60 th

Got to think about things I can do to take my mind off it

I realise this is a journey that she has to take I hope I am strong enough and that we come out at the end together

Coexisting in the same house is hard but we do get along I just keep wanting to push boundaries and I know this cannot happen

[ATPeace]

I have hqs a really difficult evening

My emotions are all over the place

I really am struggling to cope with this

She knows just how much I am hurting I broke down in front of her this evening but she does not show any compassion or feelings

I know I have to find the strength but how does one stay strong knowing that the possibility of her coming back from this is very low

Thanks for listening

Gary

[Fogg]

I know I have to find the strength but how does one stay strong knowing that the possibility of her coming back from this is very low

I understand those feelings, I still struggle alot. You stay strong even knowing she may never come back because there is no other option to get through this. You have to accept time will heal the wound even if you cant see it now. It may take an incredible amount of time but the pain will pass. The only possibility to get her back is to stay strong and keep going, to trust that no matter what you will be OK. You might not feel it, I still don't all the time, but have to trust it.

I hate it also, but what else is there to do except let this consume and destroy us. Were in the shittiest of circumstances and its just how it is.

[CaliGuy]

I know I have to find the strength but how does one stay strong knowing that the possibility of her coming back from this is very low
Gary

Thats just it isn't it?

Let me ask you this, do you think your strength comes from her???, or is it in fact something inside you that you feel you have lost?

I am guessing you once felt strong, before you met your W ... and guess what ... THAT'S what attracted her to you in the first place ... not the 'weak' person you feel you are right now, the one who is a shell of a man you once were.

Thats where the DB process focuses on YOU and not her, you GAL, you detach, you 180 .... basically you rebuild the you that was lost.

Time to get to work, just like the gym, start with the small weights and build up .... let her and what she is doing go for now, its taking what energy you do have left, you need that for yourself in order to become who you were meant to be.

[ATPeace]

Ok so it feels like I have just gone back to square one

I come home having been out for a drive I spoke to the Samaritans because I was feeling very low

I walk into the house and she asks what was the matter I say nothing and she say clearly there was something wrong we then have a full on chat AGAIN about me wanting one thing and she wanting something else

She tells me that she has firmly made her mind up and that she will not get back together with me ...she made her mind up and she is not going to change it she knows I want us to get back together but she made it totally clear that she sees herself as a single woman and does want to be responsible for another adult

We talk I cry sob break down and tell her it would be easier if I hated her as I could move on easier......she cries and says why would I say that ....I say I said it would be easier if I hated you ...meaning I could walk away easier.....I did not say I hate you

She cannot even see that her mindset is what is different now she could not see that 6 months ago her feelings were very different and in a further 6 months they may be different again .

So just how much dose this mean I have set my self back

Sorry for letting myself down and sorry for letting my helpers supporters down

[ATPeace]

So we have separated but what should that look like
Ok we no longer have sex
We sleep in separate beds
She says that my needs no longer come before her needs
All the intamacy has gone

We are both theese for the kids

Today I think I am doing way too much for her

Went with her to purchase sofabed

I helped her carry and set up a big sofa bed and carry it into her room

Sometimes it just feels like everything is good we are getting on so well

I so need to get going with moving on if she is so sure that things cannot change then perhaps it really is time to move on....I know I do not want to but cannot see a way to be back its her other than in th relationship that we have now as two separated people living together in the same house with no intermacy for ever

thanks and sorry for screwing things up

[ATPeace]

Caliguy thank you

[shnswms]

It is just a hiccup. You are still early on in this race. Of course, she hasn't changed her feelings so soon. If she goes out Saturday, you make plans on Friday, depending on your childcare situation. You work on the being the best dad you can be. You are allowed to have some moments of weakness! I know I have. Now that you know where she stands, does it make it easier for you to detach? You cannot bring up the relationship again. She may move out. You have to accept that as a future possibility and prepare your mind for it. Have you looked into talking to a counselor for yourself? I am on some anti-anxiety medication that has helped me cope.

[ATPeace]

Does it make it any easier to detach I do not think so I still love her and having her detach from me is so painful

She said she just has not got those feelings for any longer

Her words ...you still are not listening to me .....we are over you have to move on

She says that she does love me but not in that way she loves me like a friend

I said 6 months ago you did love me and you could tell me you loved me now you don't love me and feel different where might you be in a further 6 months and she said I will not change my mind is made up.

I want to cohabit as I feel this is best for the kids but she said how can it be best for the kids seeing their parents screwed up

I am pretty sure She will still cohabit as for how long I really do not know

I do not want to downscale to a smaller property in a crap area the kids will miss out .

We talked some more she said she is not looking for someone else she just does not want to rely on anyone else

She said she is not looking too D as she really does not want another man in her live and whilst we are M she has no intention on cheating or being unfaithful.

She said we have a new kind of relationship but it will be one without intamacy one where I have to let her go out and do the things that she wants to do clubbing and going out with her friends we can still do things as a family she will sleep in her room downstairs and I will stay in the main bedroom

I do not have any ideas how long she wil do this for our youngest child is 2 and our oldest is nearly 17

She knows I will be arround to do things for our children and be arround to babysit if she wants to go out I guess if I make things difficult then she will sell the house

My oldest daughter is old enough to babysit if I was not arround to do so

She will not go and talk to anyone about this

[ATPeace]

I realise a lot of what I have said above I had already said and that I am covering old ground I see that I have to listen I will re look back through this thread for the help given previously

I am not ready to give up i still believe that there is a chance I am still wearing my wedding ring she says you are just torturing your self