I am going out. I'm going to the gym when ever she decides to come home. I've gone out couple time since this all started. It's hard for me to get out when she's always working. Like the gym today. I would like to go around 6 but instead I'll have to wait till she gets home between 6 and 8:30 depending on meeting or if she stops off for a drink with friends. Little selfish. Her gym days she never has to wait. Sitter watching S tomorrow. She's going out with her friends and me mine. I don't think me going out trying to move on bothers her. If it does W hides it well.
I am going out. I'm going to the gym when ever she decides to come home. I've gone out couple time since this all started. It's hard for me to get out when she's always working. Like the gym today. I would like to go around 6 but instead I'll have to wait till she gets home between 6 and 8:30 depending on meeting or if she stops off for a drink with friends. Little selfish. Her gym days she never has to wait. Sitter watching S tomorrow. She's going out with her friends and me mine. I don't think me going out trying to move on bothers her. If it does W hides it well.
I think you should take her advice about going to the gym and then going to pick the kids up, rather than waiting on her to get home to go. In my opinion, you need to prepare yourself that regardless of how the sitch ends, you will be ready for whatever. If you get D, then you will need to find time to go to the gym.
I was thinking you could do something like the following... 1.) Go workout after work, 2.) Pick Up Kids, 3.) Go out and do something fun when your W gets home tonight when you ask her to keep the kids for a bit, 4.) Profit
I know it is difficult (it was for me too) to not focus all of our actions on our children. It is good to be a loving and caring parent, but it is also good for you to be able to make yourself happy. It sounds like you are getting more and more hurt by the fact your W seems to be doing whatever she wants while she knows that you will take care of the kids and the home.
Again, switch it up on her. I'm not sure anything of the above will actually work, but I'm just throwing around some ideas you could potentially use. Hope something I have written her may be useful in your sitch. Good luck
M: 6 years, together 11 M: 31 W: 30 D 2, S 4 BD 3/26/15 (EA with OM)
How much space should I give? Saturday went out all day with the guys, letting her spend time with kids. She told me Sunday she still feels smothered. We barely talk, email and text are nothing unless about kids. When she comes home I usually leave room to give space. How much more space can I give living under same roof with kids? I do mess up on occasion and try to start conversation. Trying to stop that. Can you detach to much?
How much space should I give? Saturday went out all day with the guys, letting her spend time with kids. She told me Sunday she still feels smothered. We barely talk, email and text are nothing unless about kids. When she comes home I usually leave room to give space. How much more space can I give living under same roof with kids? I do mess up on occasion and try to start conversation. Trying to stop that. Can you detach to much?
Hi mobile.
I forgot, have you read Sandi's 37 Rules? I think they would help give you guidance as to how much space to give your W.
Hang tough, you can do this!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Detaching is hard and i have a hard time staying detached, especially living under the same roof. Here are some more tips on detaching........ --DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Well said, Nick. And thanks for adding the detachment thread for mobile.
I forgot to do that.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Take the D filing with a grain of salt. Mine did the same thing. She filed without telling me. Well, actually she said she wanted to talk about it, so that evening we talked about filing D or just separating. She basically let me talk for 15-20 minutes about why I thought we should try a trial separation first. Then she quietly went into another bedroom and that was the last she ever slept in the MB. Turns out she had already filed before our talk. She just wanted to hear what I had to say anyways. For what its worth, she never served me.
Divorce can take a long time so ignore the fact she filed until you get served, then give it to your L and let him/her know you are not in any rush.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
