So I am divorced.

[SemperFi00]

hi mahhhty, just catching up on your situation. Isn't the NewEng weather fantastic lately........

for what it's worth (and I am certainly no expert - only just beginning to have to work through things like parenting schedules) your last response sounds very appropriate and respectfully detached.

Stay strong!

[mahhhty]

Thanks Semper! I took your advice. I definitely need to figure out how to better communicate with her.

My response:

I am motivated to do what is right for the children, spend time with them and make memories. I am assuming as we did not agree that the original schedule stands.

The closet is packed. Please let me know when you will be picking up the bags.

[mahhhty]

I just read Squiggy's thread. Today must be the day of troubled interaction with WAW day.

It felt easy to provide a recommendation to Squiggy but very difficult to do it in my situation. That's the hard part I suppose. I feel strong that my changes are good, but I need to spend a lot more time working on how to interact and detach.

I welcome any pointers, books or data...

[lost18]

It's always easy to give advice when you are not part of the equation.

Don't have much to offer as far as pointers, especially on the detachment, and I've read lots about it, just can't seem to apply it. Here is a link that I found somewhere that may be helpful.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/#JUMP4

[mahhhty]

Met the WAW at my first parent teacher conference for my D4.

Overall the conference went fine.

I pulled in right behind STBX. The first thing she says to me is "Hi. Did you sell the Jeep?" I said no it's in the shop. We go inside and wait for our turn. My STBX went to this preschool as well, and had the same teacher. While waiting, she tells me a story about how her mom asked her if she's worried about the conference. She said no because D4 is like her and they love her there. This theme repeated itself a few times. I realize that she had put herself up on a pedestal at least for the moment. All of D4's behaviors were linked to my STBX, this was slightly annoying to me, it felt a little more about talking about her rather than talking about our D4. Perhaps it was reliving "Glory Days." I'm not sure. It just seemed odd to me.

I really wanted to ask the teacher "Since W moved out, November, have you seen any kind of difference in D4's schooling?" But I didn't. I couldn't muster it, and they only had good things to say about her so I let it slide.

I looked good, felt good, smelled good (wink wink), was cordial, kept things short, as well as light, and left immediately after we walked out the door. She actually walked to the loaner and I had to redirect her.

More importantly, my D4 is doing wonderfully. I am so very proud of her and her brother! They really are the best of me.

[Squiggy]

Sorry it got so long to get back to you, man. Trust me, I completely understand what you mean by so easy to give advice, but it being so hard to do it on your own. Remember, I'm a therapist by profession and look at the mistakes I've made in my sitch! Once you mix up all the feelings into your thought process, things go out the window.

I love the positive outlook you while at the conference. No matter what WAW was doing, you were there for your D4 and supported her. You did great! Today must've been the day of positive interactions

Btw, I drive a Wrangler, fellow Jeep brother!

[mahhhty]

Squiggly, I love my Jeep. Always have. It has 177K right now and still going strong (most days).

Reading the qualities we wrote about each other and about ourselves in the marriage box, is like seeing a night and day comparison of ourselves from past to present day.

I've been angry and upset the last couple days. Thinking more about the many assumptions, decisions and actions that lead down this road. Last night's parent teacher conference and this upcoming weekend will be a great distraction as I have the kids until Monday. I am going to try my best to make it action packed.

[mahhhty]

She picked up the clothes tonight. It was interesting. She brought two candy apples for the kids for Valentine's Day. I offered that she could stop by tomorrow to give the treats to the kids in person tomorrow if she wanted. She said maybe, and then identified that she was going to try to make croissants from scratch and also recreate "The Newman" it is a speciality pizza that we used to get when we lived in CT.

I tried to validate as much as possible, and I asked no questions.

My daughter started crying while the STBX was here, so I had to attend to my daughter and the STBX texted me and left before I came back down.

[lost18]

Just checking in, not much advice just support. Also want to say that I think it's great you're so involved with your kiddos! Especially with them being so young, reading the stories on here many dads (mom's too to be fair) don't spend much time with their kids at all. You're a great dad!

[mahhhty]

Thanks Lost! I appreciate that. I was withdrawn while I was on business travel, going from a hectic work environment to home was difficult for me. Taking the business travel out of the mix, and realizing what is really important has made a big impact one me.