Just signed up for a meditation class this weekend. Hoping it will curve my anxiety. And will get my a-- to the gym this weekend also. One more thing, the weekened, I will try to finish at least one book that I started but embarrassing could not complete.
Yes, I do want to see colors like Cadet said. So I am building my own strengths and will be happy doing things on my own. I do want to be with my H but I know now we can't go on this way. I want us to be happy but will not put any expectations on anything.
The happier I am, the greater my chance of saving my marriage.
Me 44; H 48 no kids together; H has D24, D19 M 14; T 18 DB 12/21/14 living together (for now)
Just signed up for a meditation class this weekend. Hoping it will curve my anxiety. And will get my a-- to the gym this weekend also. One more thing, the weekened, I will try to finish at least one book that I started but embarrassing could not complete.
Yes, I do want to see colors like Cadet said. So I am building my own strengths and will be happy doing things on my own. I do want to be with my H but I know now we can't go on this way. I want us to be happy but will not put any expectations on anything.
The happier I am, the greater my chance of saving my marriage.
OK, I have been looking for activities for myself. Trying to come up what would make me happy or excited. It was hard because I couldn't come up with anything for a while. I love reading but that's really not enough for 180.
So just a few minutes ago, I just figured out what I really like to do and will make me happy. I must admit I'm such a nerd but I really want to go back to school to get another degree. That will make me so happy. I am very excited now and have to stop myself from waking up my H to tell him this. I was a good student and enjoyed writing, reading and getting good grades. I remember going to check out my grades after having my pupils dilated at the eye doctor and could not really read the grade posted.
I was in school for about 10 years straight but stopped. One of the reasons was because of my H. I felt strange to have more degrees but he had none. Now he got his associate degree, I think it is time for me to go back to school. With or without him, I guess.
I am excited now and even checked out some schools already. Now I won't be faking happiness when I talk to him later. I can picture him being happy for me too.
Me 44; H 48 no kids together; H has D24, D19 M 14; T 18 DB 12/21/14 living together (for now)
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
Confusion and roller coaster continue. OK, I snooped again. I don't know if my H is having A or not. I don't know if I really want to know for sure. I see he is looking at hotels, restaurants on the computer. All of which we had been to and places I expressed that I wanted to go. My 1st thought (and most logical) is that he is taking someone and is in a R with someone. But what bothers me is why theses places that we went. Can't he go somewhere else? We are talking about Manhattan where there are other places to look at. Or is he playing with me? Meaning just to get me riled up.
I did not tell him what I found but asked if he is with someone else. He denied, of course.
Me 44; H 48 no kids together; H has D24, D19 M 14; T 18 DB 12/21/14 living together (for now)
Confusion and roller coaster continue. OK, I snooped again. I don't know if my H is having A or not. I don't know if I really want to know for sure. I see he is looking at hotels, restaurants on the computer. All of which we had been to and places I expressed that I wanted to go. My 1st thought (and most logical) is that he is taking someone and is in a R with someone. But what bothers me is why theses places that we went. Can't he go somewhere else? We are talking about Manhattan where there are other places to look at. Or is he playing with me? Meaning just to get me riled up.
I did not tell him what I found but asked if he is with someone else. He denied, of course.
Because many times those places were happy times and he is trying to re-create those time in his head.
It is not easy to understand and best might be, not to try, just accept that he is more than likely having an affair, whether it is real or not.
Just signed up for a meditation class this weekend. Hoping it will curve my anxiety. And will get my a-- to the gym this weekend also. One more thing, the weekened, I will try to finish at least one book that I started but embarrassing could not complete.
Yes, I do want to see colors like Cadet said. So I am building my own strengths and will be happy doing things on my own. I do want to be with my H but I know now we can't go on this way. I want us to be happy but will not put any expectations on anything.
The happier I am, the greater my chance of saving my marriage.
This is where I'm at trying to enjoy being happy without my W living at home, it's very hard for me right now because we did everything together. Even this morning I just took my younger kids to school and because we work in hospitals shift work we get days off together and normally I take them to school, get us coffee and come home and we hang out for awhile together in the mornings. The GAL things is something that I need to do and hopefully it helps you become more happy also as this rough time goes on.
M42 W41 D17 Step-D17 S10 S8 Married 11, Together 14 Separated 1 Month, W living at her parents Bomb: 1/16/2015 "I don't feel close to you, I feel distant."
You are absolutely right. I have been digging up those good memories from him. Like, I asked where he proposed to me or if he remembered the so and so hotel that we went. May be that triggered something in him.
This morning he bought me breakfast and warmed up my car for me before I went to work.
On the other hand,I do accept that there is most likely someone else in the picture. I am sure how I will react if I know for sure. But again I was the affair so what can I say ?
Last edited by June315; 02/20/1504:42 PM.
Me 44; H 48 no kids together; H has D24, D19 M 14; T 18 DB 12/21/14 living together (for now)
This is where I'm at trying to enjoy being happy without my W living at home, it's very hard for me right now because we did everything together. Even this morning I just took my younger kids to school and because we work in hospitals shift work we get days off together and normally I take them to school, get us coffee and come home and we hang out for awhile together in the mornings. The GAL things is something that I need to do and hopefully it helps you become more happy also as this rough time goes on. [/quote]
I feel that even if I don't really feel happy, I need to fake it around my H. The other day I came home from a tough day at work. he was home in bed, I had to force myself a big smile and not rant about work.
Me 44; H 48 no kids together; H has D24, D19 M 14; T 18 DB 12/21/14 living together (for now)
