the wife still insisted it is over and never really tried. She has found an apartment and is moving this saturday. I am going to refinance the house into my name only and assume the mortgage. My lawyer said he could have a separation agreement ready this week. Will also be putting in the official filing for divorce. as long as there is no contest, there is a 90 day mandatory waiting period here in PA and since I have common friends of the lawyer, he is going to do everything for a flat fee of $750.
friends and family know that I was crushed through the past several months and are asking if I"m sure I want to file immediately. The wife still says that's what she wants so I'm not going to oppose anymore. Even if she comes to me in a few months and says she feels it was a mistake and wants to work things out, I would have extreme issues with trust. What would keep her from doing the same thing in a couple years?
as of now, she has agreed to be civil and work everything out between us without being nasty. we are assuming our own share of what little debt we have. I'm assuming a little extra as "buy out" of equity in our home. we both feel that the responsibility of our daughter is 50/50 so as such , it will be a 50/50 custody arrangement in the decree. as for support.... we are planning on working out expenses for my daughter without going through the system. unfortunately, in PA it doesn't matter even if you have it in writing to agree on a set amount, it can always be modified by the state through court according to the guidelines amount.
although I didn't want to give up, I pretty much had no choice. the more I tried, the more it hurt. I feel it is easier knowing that I don't have to try anymore. she knows that I still love her but it does NOT work when it's one sided.
Hope to get things done in a timely manner and move on while remaining civil for our daughter's sake.
unfortunately, I don't think I will ever open my heart completely again.
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
attorney will have papers ready for me friday and I will have her sign them. she is moving saturday. even though I'm sure it will be emotional for me, I told her I will be there to help move. she said I didn't have to be, but I feel I need to make sure some things don't get taken.
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
she moved out saturday morning. her parents came to take my daughte rfor the weekend as they do once in a while. I actually was doing pretty good. I helped take a few boxes of books to her dad's car that she was donating for a book sale. evidently she hasn't told him everything about what she wants a divorce. he said "I'm really am sad about this. I hope she comes to her senses soon!" I informed him that I've been trying for the past 6 months and she feels divorce is our only option. he said he knows I've been trying and it really bothers him that she is doing this. again he said that he is very sad ...then he started crying and hugged me. he told me that I am welcome at their house (out of town) anytime, the camp cottage any time, and to make sure I keep in touch because they still love me. he asked to make sure that our daughter does not get put in the middle of anything. I reassured him that i have no intentions of doing ANYTHING that would degrade or harm my daughter. he simply said " I know you wouldn't". it was very sad and I started crying a bit.... but on the other hand it made me feel better knowing that they were still rooting for me and feel the same as I do.
she had her one co-worker/friend helping. the one that she has been hanging out with for the past year..... she is one of the main ones that help convince my wife that it is "OK" to leave me because she has doubts. it was hard for me to not be an A$$ to that girl because I know some of the things she said to my wife and some of the things she helped her "get away with"
anyways......... it is what it is. she moved, i have the separation agreement signed. now I need to go refinance the house into just my name. I will also be getting divorce papers for my wife to sign.
ugh. that's going to be the hard part of letting completely go. she insists that is what she wants. and at this point..... it's probably for the best. even if she eventually had a change of heart, it would take a LONG time for me to be able to trust her with my heart again.
I have plenty to keep me busy with all the projects around the house.
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
Lostluv - It sounds like you've done well on such a difficult day. It's your choice now, but know that this move, the divorce and the rebuilding of trust are common steps in successful sitches.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Monday I turned in the separation agreement to my attorney along with my wife's new address and SS#. they are supposed to file divorce on Wednesday, December 17, 2014.
still bothers me deep down, but I know I will eventually be ok. My daughter is doing great so far (even though it's only been a couple days) with the move. That is a HUGE relief so far!!! I'm sure it will be weird when she starts getting homesick. I feel pretty lonely, but I have been keeping busy with getting ready to repaint a couple bedrooms, move my room, cleaning out old stuff and rearranging things how I want them. have been hitting the gym in the basement pretty good as well.
I went over to my stbxw apartment and played with my daughter or about an hour. Tomorrow I will be picking her up from the babysitter (around 3-4 pm) and the stbxw will pick her up at my place at 7 pm.
I'm curious how my daughter will feel about being back "home" but then having to go "home" to mommy's house.
all in all....it [censored].
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
picked my daughter up from daycare today (around 3:30 pm and had her until 7 pm. she is doing well. she was upstairs and said "oh no, my bed is gone!!" then she went to our old bedroom and said "so is yours daddy! we gotta find them!" I reminded her that the beds were at mommy's house now.
when I put her in the car to go to mom's house, i have her a kiss and told her bye and I love her. she pointed to the front seat and said "daddy, c'mon...sit down, let's go home?" I played it off as her being silly but it actually hurt that she wasn't staying home with me. I have to be strong for her.
the wife looked pretty tired and seemed a bit irritable.... I asked if she was ok and she said she had a long day. I asked if she meant a long day at work, she then told me about everything that was going wrong all day long and stressed how tired she was. meanwhile she needed me to secure the care seat TIGHT because she had to take it out to move a table with her car. I happily did it for her.
Her father and I play a scrabble game online (words with friends) and he asked how I was doing , I told him ok given the situation and I know I will be fine in the end. He said he was still so confused about the whole situation and stressed his concern for our daughter. I tried not to give too many details because it's HER father, but just reiterated that I do not agree with the entire situation and I do not like her co-worker / friend that has been "helping" her over the past several months.
In my eyes, That girl definitely was an outside influence that helped my wife convince herself that she should take ANY little mistake I make/made and blow it up and throw it in my face to justify her actions.
is what it is....as long as my daughter is ok she is all that matters
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
holiday's were pretty crappy around here. I had my daughter on Christmas eve day and the night before and I had her on new years eve and part of new years day.
my daughter seems to be adjusting well, but I still feel bad because I know it is a bit confusing for her.
Yesterday I served my stbx with the final divorce papers. all she has to do is sign them and we have the manditory 90 day waiting period....then she is free like she wanted to be.
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
final divorce papers were signed as of 1/1/2015 I gave her what she wanted for new years..... to be single. Just have to wait the mandatory 90 days and it's done.
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
she is all that matters