Heather, you have some very exciting and new things ahead. You are going to be even more wonderful than you are today. But I get the shock of feeling sadness you thought was long over.
You posted a few back, something about the realization of "giving up the dream" since you're leaving all you've known for years. It is a dream that didn't turn out as you originally wanted. I'm sure Smokey didn't want to be where he is now either, but who cares right now. Your feelings of pain and sadness are a testament to your deep love for your family, and your old H, and all you gave to them. It's no surprise to me that through this transition, many of those feelings of loss will resurface for a short time.
I'm dreading the closing on our house in the next weeks for the same reason. Signing those papers will feel like a D for me. Not sure how I'll get through it and be able to DB while sitting across the table from the person who ripped our dreams from us.
It can be overwhelming, the changes. I'm deep in a sea of change, too. It's not what we wanted. But it's probably going to be better than we imagined.
God loves us both and He is watching out for us. Letting go of the past is hard, but freeing too.
Scared and excited Sad and full of HOPE for the Future Weary but full of Energy to REBUILD Grieving what was lost...but can't wait to see what's ahead Afraid of the future...but full of FAITH that we've been taken care of so far...
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Yesterday is history Tomorrow is a mystery and Today is a gift...that's why it's call present
Live each day as it comes with open arms and embrace what the world has to offer.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
that's a fabulous quote - thank you so much for sharing it!!
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Thank you Job. Focus on today...I HAVE A JOB!!!! A possible new house...two healthy kids...and I'm feeling better in my own skin than I EVER, EVER HAVE!!!
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I need to check in...We are in NY looking for a place to live. So, we had this one lead on a farmhouse that needed work, but was in our price range. We were anxious to see the place and get the whole "where to live" thing settled. Bottom Line: It was a dump. D.U.M.P. Really discouraging. So, we drove around and looked for some other properties. NOTHING.
There was one property I had seen online, but written off because it was too pricey. Anyway, I noticed they lowered the rent and called to see it. WE LOVE IT. LOVE IT.
Even D12 who absolutely doesn't want to move...She LOVES IT. It has everything we want...The WHOLE she-bang. So, I was honest with the realtor and told him my credit situation and he said it was not problem as long as I have a letter from my new employer. Then, I asked if the owners would take a bit lower in rent.
We were on a high...we found our place to live, it's perfect...then, the realtor calls and says the owners refuse to go any lower...$1,550 per month in rent. Ugh. My buzz was killed. The realtor started asking specific questions about what I can expect in child support, alimony, etc...Well...thanks Smokey, nothing is settled...sooooooooooo....
Meanwhile, D12 is over-the-moon excited about this house and I'm seeing this spark in her that I haven't seen in, literally, years. She is excited for life and excited about her own room and excited about this and that and MOVING.
So, now, I'm thinking...how do I make this happen? How do come up with another $7,000 per year in order to make this do-able...comfortably without killing myself.
I can ask D20 to contribute, but I don't want to ask her to contribute more than $300 or so per month. And, I don't want to depend on her income.
I need something that will bring in a little extra cash each month...$600 per month...to be exact.
I want this for my kids...so badly.
Last edited by LoisB; 09/08/1401:06 AM.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Nice to hear you report back here! Glad to read that you've found a house that you all like....however it is twice what you're currently paying. It is going to be a belt-tightening time for everyone.
I would suggest that you call a family meeting with your DDs and lay it all out to them. Then inform your D20 that since she's an adult, you expect her to pay $300 a month in rent and on time which will entail her getting a job in town. No budging on this.
Also you need to inform them of the situation with Smokey and the finances being in limbo. They NEED and MUST understand the whole financial picture.
Back in my high school years, my mother would call a 'family meeting' (very, very infrequently) if she's cross about something (one sister skipping school too often or not holding up on her part with her schoolwork) or some matter that needed to be brought to our attention. We all knew who was in charge and we NEVER ever talked back at her. Not in our DNA.
Can you be that Mom for your DDs? You cannot waffle or cave in to D20. This is the time when the rubber hits the road from here and on.
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