My divorce has been final for a month now and I just found out that my 2nd XH is with a new person. I feel gutted after no contact of over a week from him and feeling better I am having a setback. I emailed him to say that I was done and I don't want him in my life at all. I know that it was a moot point as we don't have contact but he wanted to be friends which I can't do. This has been a hard road for me and I realized that I need to fix myself and get through this pain and process to be in a better place. We don't have any kids together and I am relearning the better way to be a mom to my kids. I am also making amends with my estranged sisters and reaching out to family. I have lost a few friends but have gained or kept a few that are helping me. I worry that I will stay stuck and of feeling the pain. I guess how do you know when it's getting better?
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
Well I am selling my motorcycle gear and jewelry my 2nd XH gave me as I don't have use for it anymore and I think not having those things around will help me let go. I thought I didn't have any more hope for a reconciliation and was letting go but to be honest, if I had then I wouldn't have felt so hurt by learning of him dating. My mom comforted me yesterday and it was so nice to have my mom hold me and stay with me. I'm a little disappointed that I'm not further in the healing process but it is going to take time and I will just have to be patient which I am not. Trying to take it day by day and going to visit my family in Colorado for the weekend
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
CS, Welcome to the Surviving board and at first... it truly is surviving.
I'm not sure if you posted a thread on the newcomers section but just by looking at signature.. holy crap - did everything happen super fast.
6 months is nothing in this game. Give yourself time to grieve. Give yourself some grace.
You are super emotional right now and rightfully so. The best advice given to me was to initiate a 24-48 hr rule. I would get so angry that I wanted to write xw an email with my thoughts or retaliate to something stupid she did... I found that if I waited a few days - I would cool off and be able to handle the situation in a calmer way. One that was true to my character and who I wanted to be.
Because things will continue to hurt. It's just unfortunately part of it... But you get decide who you want to be now. How you want to handle the situations that arise.
Start there. Consider this a new chapter in your life.. and think about what you would like it to say.
((( )))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Yes everything happened within that time and was in denial about my 2nd XH wanting to keep a connection going but I listened to his words instead of my gut which hurt me more and put my healing back quite a bit. I'm mad at myself for doing that really! I didn't DB like I should have and I caused my pain . Well I don't want to be stuck grieving because I think I should be done with all the crying and emotional turmoil. I'm determined to survive and persevere in fact be better than ever!
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
Yeah I do realize that....I did email my 2nd XH that I didn't want to be friends or involved in any capacity other than the bills. He emailed me back and asked "Why the change in personality?" I just replied No change in my personality, things change. I'm doing what's best for me. I want to be civil just not be involved in an I want to be civil just not be involved or talk at all other than the bills." He figured out that I know about his new person in his life and expects me to be okay being friends? Wow I deserve more than that
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
It's also hilarious that he said that he was going to ask me for a ride home but not anymore since we aren't being civil or friends. Umm okay pick him up from his trip with his new girlfriend? I'm amazed by his incredible stupidity and lack of reality. My friend told me she thinks that he wanted it all and he thought he could have me whenever he wanted. Yeah I like and love myself too much for that
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
I'm not sure if it is anger but definitely don't want to be his friend or in his life. It would be like settling for any crumbs from him just to be in his life. To be honest I let him kiss me like a week before he posted pictures of him and his girlfriend and I am angry about that. I know I'm worthy of a good man and waiting for a relationship when I am healed from this divorce. I don't like that it will take time but just setting that boundary felt empowering and awesome!
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
By being "friends" it just makes them feel less guilty. If it doesn't work for you then you've done the right thing. Let's face it, I've never had a friend fool around on me! Wow, you must be so upset that he didn't ask for that ride from you lol.
