3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Shining, you did great. Now you probably need to wait and see what your h does next. He will need time to process this. Whatever he does, just keep on as you have been doing. It clearly works for you.
Congrats Shining! You handled that so very well! I've read some other places about how, if you want to get the WAS back, you should "date". Not go out and fool around or get heavily involved, but spend time with other people of the opposite sex. I couldn't do that as my values just wouldn't allow me to do that. Something about them thinking that maybe they can lose you after all. I always discounted this but here just the thought that you might have been dating and he does this. Hope it opened his eyes to what he has!
As I drove to work today, I was savoring the hug moment. Our hearts were both pounding so fast....
I also reminded myself he will likely pull back for a while, as you said, b, and to not get discouraged. This is what he needs. A wonderful hug is still no guarantee. But it was enough to give me the hope I needed to sustain myself another chunk of time, and ease some of my pain.
Prayers answered.
M44, H44, both M before M4 yrs, T6 BD 7/13 ILYB something isn't right with me H att suicide 2/14 S 4/14 OW disc 5/14 D final 4/15
Welp, already heard from H today! More testing waters I believe.
He texted: The house is officially pulled off the market from (realtor). My phone is ringing off the hook with realtors wanting to list the house. I don't know how they all got my personal cell number. Also sorry about the hug if it got carried away
I just went with his mood, hmmmm, idk. That's weird about your cell number. No worries about the hug on my end. I enjoyed it and was equally carried away.
Then dropped that issue, and went to more business talk. This is a consistent comfort zone for H.
My number must be public somewhere. I don't like that tho
Me: I wonder if the original listing agreement is available to realtors? Just trying to think where they got it... I'm guessing there is software that alerts sales teams when a house is pulled but not sold.
Ok, here I winced because I realized after I sent that it was probably too much...
H: They know it was pulled and not sold. But... My number ?
Me: Yeah that would weird me out for sure
Just tried to end it by validating his feeling.
Journaling mostly. I love the input and advice everyone here has so generously offered. Even if it isn't something I use in my sitch, the different perspectives are so helpful in deciding what to do, good, bad, right or wrong.
That's all for now...I have a job to find!!!
Heigh ho, heigh ho......!!!
M44, H44, both M before M4 yrs, T6 BD 7/13 ILYB something isn't right with me H att suicide 2/14 S 4/14 OW disc 5/14 D final 4/15
Yep, try to remember that is truly what DB is about. Finding what works for YOU. Hopefully the spouse comes back along with that, but it really is all about YOU. And understanding and compassion of course
Try to be wary of expectations, yeah? You may have noticed in Raine's posts how things were up and down, back and forth etc. Think long term and don't get discouraged by the "tests" that come.
You're a smart cookie, Shining.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
The tests are INDEED coming. In fact, tomorrow. I have some big time preparing to do.
H sent many texts to me today. Sweet ones....flirty ones. Testing waters for sure. Saying how great it was to see me yesterday. (We don't have kids together, so no other reason than business to see each other).
I preface the rest of this with the fact that while I am so grateful to have the slightest glimmer of hope today, I know from experience how quickly things can turn ugly. This day, as all the others, stands on it's own. He's not even close to being out of replay, and I have read enough to know this. But I am grateful for the fact that we have progressed this much.
So, yesterday was our major "hug" event....(can't believe I'm this thankful just to hug my husband) H told me today that when we hugged, his heart was beating so fast, and he hoped I couldn't tell how nervous he was. He said I still "do it for him"...and he struggles to keep cool every time he sees me. That yesterday was especially hard and he didn't want to leave (the restaurant). He said it was all he could do not to kiss me. Then he said, "you still have the power". Strange comment I thought.... He feels I have power? I asked why he didn't kiss me then. He said we both pulled back from the hug at the same time. And he didn't think I would want to anyway. Then he said, "you know me and rejection lol". He said "you looked and felt great and I wanted you. I miss how you feel" (It was just a hug. I promise. I guess I'm that good at hugging? Who knew!)
I said I missed the same things. I pretty much mirrored what he said when appropriate. Kept the same level, at least. The next thing I texted was an oldie but goodie. I was testing, too. After all he was willing to spill, I wanted to see how far was too far. I said, "I want you." H texted back "really?" I said "you seem surprised?" H said "yes"
THEN....
He said he wants to see me again. He said he wants to kiss me. I said "maybe we should make that happen?" (that was my way of not-asking-but-still-asking, since I'm trying not to pursue) He said, "can we?" (Talk about he inability to decide or be vulnerable to rejection.... )
So here's what's funny to me. It probably shouldn't be funny. Perhaps ironic. Idk.
H wanted to see me so bad.....but where? His house (MY house too) has ow stuff there. My apartment with kids, not a good place to talk. Restaurant again? He wants to kiss me and doubt he would in restaurant. He wants me alone. He probably wants more, but I'm confident in my ability to keep that boundary, and he's still fearful enough not to push. He wants me to come over to the house, but was afraid to ask. When I initially found out about OW back in May, I completely went crazy about her stuff in my house. I had every right! Well, I can be right, or I can be married. Old me would be angry and not able to "set another foot in that house after OW blahblahblah....!!!" But that won't get me anywhere. It's also not important anymore. After learning about MLC, my whole perspective changed. This was major growth for me. I was very territorial. I have let that go. There are more important things now. My ego was out of this a long time ago.
So, H wants to see me, but can't today .... (Guessing ow plans, ow stuff there, etc). His excuse was he is working on he house tonight for new realtor to take pics tomorrow morning. (House has been on market 3 weeks. If it's not ready now....). Asked if I have plans after work tomorrow. I was busy tonight after work with S15 anyway, so I was fine with tomorrow.
He told me his upper back has been tight, and he was going in for a massage (never did this pre-MLC, and certain ow going too) at 7:00 this evening, but he would like to call me after that around 8:30 and is that ok? He also made a comment "if I was going to be home after 8:30" (ummmm, it's a work night.). He hinted that he still thinks I must be busy or "if I'm not with someone" as if I'm dating.
Note to self: H requires SOOOOO much reassurance. Even more now than pre-MLC. I'm guessing if I'm ever in the position to watch/help him come out of the tunnel, he will be one hot-needy-mess. This is quite the dance we have going.
I find it interesting....the thought of him (in my imagination) scurrying around to hide her things or make her take them with her for my visit tomorrow. Telling her some excuse why she can't come over tomorrow night will go over like a lead balloon! And I doubt she's spending the night if H wants to call ME.
OOOOOHHHHH, HOW THE TURNTABLES HAVE........TURNED. -Steve Care//, the office.
I am becoming the OW to the OW.
Just another part of this process. I'll be back at the bottom of the ride again, I'm bracing for that. But smiling today.
M44, H44, both M before M4 yrs, T6 BD 7/13 ILYB something isn't right with me H att suicide 2/14 S 4/14 OW disc 5/14 D final 4/15
I haven't posted to you before but been reading your thread and I am so excited for you and this great interaction you had. I know how hard the touch and go roller coaster can be, I've been on it for awhile too. I certainly think I can learn some things by watching how you handle your interactions.
Cheering you on!!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
. 