2015 was a year I had a lot of anger. I have worked through most of it—still some here and there. It was a signal I needed to do more work on myself. So I have been. I have instituted the Miracle Morning as a morning routine for myself including meditation, affirmations, visualizations, exercise, reading and journaling. I love it! It is an investment in myself.
I start the new year out today, January 1, with a freshly signed real estate contract in my hand—a harbinger of good to come this year.
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H and I are working things out little by little. He and I have identified his life time periods of change:
H as a late teen/early 20’s H as a working professional (meets and marries me) H as a family man (2 kids) H in MLC, marital separation (cycles back to teens) H now (he told me yesterday he is now all 3 of those people—he is fully integrated)
So now life is getting used to this new person I am married to—kind of familiar—kind of unfamiliar. And pouring time and energy into myself. And parenting my two boys by teaching them to make decisions and prepare them for life on their own (ages 22 and 16).
H & I have taken a few dancing lessons together at a studio. That is going pretty well.
We also took a romantic three day weekend at a cabin in October. Same town and same Columbus Day weekend as we went to 4 years ago in 2011 when he was just about to embark fully into "replay" phase and had just told me ILYBINILWY. This year, 2015, it was an incredibly loving and close time for the two of us.
These last two years, H had grown his hair several inches long—told me this week he will be cutting half of it off.
He bought a sailboat two months ago and is preparing all this winter for sailing this summer. There is a local boat club on a large lake he has applied to. He has made it clear it is OUR boat and OUR club. He wants to take me on a sailboat vacation in the Caribbean in 2017.
He thinks nothing of dropping money on any entertainment with me—expensive dinners, shows, etc. He sent me a certificate for a massage for Christmas among other gifts.
He sometimes acts more of a teenager, and then other times the professional or the family man.
He got trashed at a party we went to together mid-December—worst I have ever seen him, but then he hardly drank a drop for two weeks and skipped another party where he knew there would be a lot of alcohol. Instead, he took me and S16 and family friend to tour some Christmas lights in a park.
At Halloween, he and I dressed up as Jeannie and Major Nelson and went to a crowded party. I was talking to a man probably not longer than 5 minutes and H shows up and puts his arm around me and says “Now is time for my best Caddyshack line —What are you doing talking to my best girl?” or something along those lines.
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I have lots of romance, no financial worries, but I do have a husband who is in many ways very different from whom I married.
I have a very good relationship with both of my boys. They seem to have let their guard down a lot with H and seem to enjoy spending time with him again.
I asked myself the other day if I was happy. I was pulling into our garage. And I thought—being with H feels like home. Yes, it is very different. Yes we have been through so much. But we have been together a long time and treat each other very well—and—he just feels like home to me.
Happy, happy new year—take courage and hope in your life! Wishing you all the very best 2016 !!!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Some wake up and are the same and others wake up and continue to keep some of their habits that they've picked up during their journey. Your h sounds like the latter type.
I'm glad things are slowly working out for you. It takes a lot of time to release that anger and also to rediscover the people that you both have become. Just remember...it's a new marriage and you both changed during the time of his crisis.
I'm very happy for you. You worked very hard to get to where you are today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
RH, it's so nice to hear from you, thanks for the update.
I'm happy you and H are getting on well. Like you, I too feel like I am at home with my W. It's hard to imagine wanting to be anywhere else, and it's obvious she feels the same way, so I figure it's up to us to work out the little details. It sounds like thais is exactly what you guys are doing.
Dance lessons and a romantic cabin weekend? I'm envious!
I tried growing my hair longer but it didn't work out... too bushy and curly so I cut it off... but hey, it was worth a try!
I'm wishing you and your Major Nelson a very happy new year!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
