Quote: I would like to ask the WAW's how they found thier corner pieces.
since I was never actually a real waw I don't know if I'm qualified to answer..but being a woman who probably would have left eventually if things didn't change I might have some ideas...
it may be difficult to look at a m simply using one puzzle...becuase there are many dynamics involved once the m turns into a business r (financial) or a family (co-parents)
but if I had to (well actually I did because I didn't have to let h come home) choose a few corners they may be...
health...if each partner stays monogomous it is proven that married persons are healthier than single (I would imagine for me that would go further than just std's, even during seperation I got a taste of the single life...bars..dancing...drinking...smoking...not that I don't still do those things but they are done with less frequency than would be if I chose to stay single)
financial...the earnings of two are better to live on than the earnings of one...(that may more apply to h than I as I am currently not working so if I didn't allow him home he'd be paying for us and himself but in being home there is more in the pot for all four of us)
family...yes it is possible to have family with divorce but it is a hell of a lot easier for that to happen if mom and dad can manage to stick together...now that doesn't mean stay if your misserable but truly understand why it is you are misserable and is it really all the op before you decide they are too unbearable to raise a family with.
companionship...yes it is possible to regain that friendship that was once there...after all we didn't marry just for the party.
love...well this one's a difficult one to express...there are many different ideas on what love is...ie...I was given the old "I love you, I'm not in love with you" well honestly to me it wasn't so devistating to hear that as I wasn't "in love" with h either...how could I be?? I did realize that I loved him though...loved him enough to want him to be happy...when h finally came around...one of the things most striking to me was that he said...the kids and I were always in his thoughts...we came first even before himself...knowing that I would always be a part of him and therefore he couldn't be with another (even though he was in love with her) great consolation?? not really but then again yes it is nice to know.
everyone will have their own corners...it would be uncomfortable for you to build your m based on the corners that someone else chooses...someone may think that one of my corners being "family" is a gaff...while to another it would be huge as important.
hope that helps some or at least gets the ball rolling for others thoughts.
mind you...once you've got your corners in your mind you will have to remind yourself of them often as these are the rational reasons for staying married...the things you work for and toward...
but since most often we are not naturally rational beings a whole lot of emotions get thrown in there forcing you to remind yourself what youre doing this all for...
in other words..it's important to keep in mind that even those cute little old couples you see walking down the street still holding hands after 50 years together...on more than one occassion throughout their marriage said to themselves...why am I doing this?? that is when you go back to your corners and remind yourself of the benefits of marriage.
Quote: what do you think about picking your corners and turning them into goals???
i mean, for me...
great idea...
since you haven't listed your corners yet I'll use some of the examples I gave..
there's a start...
why not list what you think your corners would be and try setting them up into goals.
LL family- spend one day each week as a family doing something together...
spend at least 10 min each night as a family (could just be a tickle fest if the kids are young enough..
share parenting so that neither parent feels like they are the only one doing it all
companionship- date night!!! if sitters are a problem then reserve on night each week for an in house date and try to get out as a couple at least once a month (hell just running erands together works for me)
love- hmmmmm I dunno how to work toward that one but I would imagine that if the "in love" feeling is what your after that may come along when working toward improving companionship...
financial- typically one partner handles the finances wich can leave the other feeling controlled or strained. it needent be that way...one party can be responsible for the paperwork but finances should be discussed.
have a plan a goal...something to work toward above just paying the bills..a vacation fund...a new deck fund...a remodeling fund etc.
Charcoal, Could Mat Charcoal Daughter Son Be considered corners? I guess mine would be Our shared history children God (faith) ????Future. love? Hope? I don't know but this is a great idea for a thread.... Kim
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