W texted me tonight 3 times ..no questions were asked so I did not respond ...tomorrow I am doing what I want to do ...will be interesting to see how she reacts to me not carrying on with my morning routine ...i am out with friends now and it's after 2am ..i have never come home after her in all the years we have been married ..i hope she has money for the babysitter ...lol
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
Good stuff. Be happy. GAL. I know nkw fhst not doing the soo er caused morr.lroblems in my M.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Well I got in at 230 am and could see that W armed the house alarm for night time at 210 am ...so I got in just after she went to bed ...so I go to our masterbedroom where she sleeps and tip toe into the closet and hang my shirt up, then go to the masterbedroom bathroom, I mean all my stuff is still in that closet and bathroom, and quietly brush my teeth and take a p. As I'm leaving the room to go to "my bed" ..W head pops up and she says you have no empathy couldn't you have gone pee downstairs ...i just walked out ...no point explaining that when I was downstairs that i didnt need to go ...nor mention the thousand times that she has always come home after me and made so much noise ...i just don't understand her moods these days ..ever since she filed she's on edge and critical of me for any minor thing I do that she doesn't like. Well I'm not letting it get to me anymore ...I'm enjoying my morning now with the kids while W still in bed. Have a good day everyone.
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
Great move on staying out if that's what made YOU happy last night. A "cherry on top" would have been to just come home and go to bed.
Looking from the outside of your situation, you came into the master bedroom and wanted her head to pop up...at least some part of you did. its early in your situation, try to stop "....looking over your shoulder to see if she's there..." (trust me I am only now getting better at this...but I svcked at it in the beginning). Just do things if you wanted to.
Ask yourself, "did I really want to stay out until 230?" If you say yes...great. if you find that you were doing it so W would notice...that's not what you're looking for. Do stuff b/c you want to. not b/c she'll see it Enjoy the day !
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
You have been slipping with using the renter guideline. Like when you were texting her the other night. You really push her away with that kind of behavior.
If she was a renter, you would not have your clothes in her room, and you certainly would not use her bathroom. If I had been your WAW, I would have thought you wanted me to hear you, so that I'd know when you got home.
Don't you think if you are going to sleep in another room, it is time to get your things out of the room she is in? Then there will be no reason to enter.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well the bathroom is connected to the masterbedroom ...i dont care if she knows when I got home. So she is the one who filed but I have to leave the masterbedroom and now not use that bathroom ..move my stuff into the tiny kids bathroom with no shower and tiny room I'm sleeping in ..The room is 10 by 10 and masterbedroom is 25 13 with a walk in closet and master bath ...if I must do this to make things potentially work out I will ...
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
Thanks Paul ...yes I wanted to stay out and I had a great time ...lots of nice ladies to talk too I was really hoping she wouldn't have noticed me coming in ..i didnt want to hear a word from her ...usually she passes out with minutes of hitting the pillow
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
Sandi thanks for the advice btw. The renter guideline is tough ...i mean W grabs a shower and when she's done she let me know so I can shower ..she's half naked and I'm naked too as we're getting ready ...wouldn't be that with a renter. Maybe I need to lock bathroom door, undress in there and bring my clothes I'm going to put on into the bathroom too so after my shower I can dress in bathroom too ...
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
It won't make or break the M at this point. You don't have to do anything that is uncomfortable for you.
I was simply trying to point these things out from the WAW's POV. I know you don't care she knows what time you got home. You missed my point. To her, it probably looked like you were being too obvious about "wanting" her to know you were out later than she was. And, if you were secretly wanting to draw attention to it, then you shot yourself in the foot.
IMO, a couple should not be parading around naked in front of each other when she wants to D you. I believe it is one of those familiarities that a MR has the "privilege" of sharing. But once a third party has come between the couple, that priviledge should end. It is an unspoken message you make loud and clear. But that's just me.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks Sandi ...on another note I haven't ML/no SL with W in 6 weeks ...that's after 20+ years of "doing it" a couple times a week ...and having her parade around naked doesn't help ...i guess i should tell her we need to quit it ..not like its leading to anything else anyway ...It's tough dealing without a SL ...don't know how you all do it ..lol...
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
Enjoy the day !