Ok - I thought I would start a new thread with a more positive vibe - in the great words of the poetess Emily Dickinson (a muse of mine).....
KML - that was a very good question that you have just posted. I never thought about it that way - challenging - I would need to think about that carefully/ All I can say as a first port of call is that I didn't do anything consciously - ie I didn't obviously choose him to go through this pain. It was also not a case of me ignoring his past - rather - believing his words that it would never happen to ME.
Havent posted for a couple of days - a combination of feeling like I needed some quiet, with my own thoughts and the fact that none of my best friends (who knew WAPP well - we stayed in her house many a time) has come over to visit D and i from Ireland....she is here until late tonight. She is like a sister to em and a second mother to D. I havent seen bf since last year but we have spoken on the phone quite a bit. She took one look at me and said that I looked like a shell of the person she had seen - she said that my body looked and moved as if I am in total shock and that I look like I have been put through a liquidiser. She has been really wonderful since arriving here on Friday - she has given me time to talk - spent time with D etc. I have inly shed a small tear - although yesterday I found very hard. We went into the city centre here and I walked around in a daze - a complete daze - feeling like I was going to throw up....She made a few interesting comments (knowing both of us really well) - - This is NOT anything to do with me - this is his stuff - He is a man who is more than likely depressed and running from his feelings - especially about me - He is probably a man who cant hold down long term relationship - He has probably done such a good job of switching off that at this stage he wouldn't be thinking about myself of D - he would be fully living his new life (until the reality/truth hits him) - She has made a bet with me that within 2 months he would be in contact (probably email first) again - and that OW and him will last for probably 8-9 months.. My bf is a very shrewd woman (a solicitor by trade/ she has seen A LOT)....it was interesting hearing what she had to say... I have been in contact with WAPs brother, I am very close to. They are somewhat estranged (brother thinks WAP has serious issues etc) and I had a few emails back and forth with him late Thursday, early Friday. WAPs brother was spending yesterday with WAPs sister and her new boyfriend - I am sure he will have information but at this stage I do not want to know. If I do email him in the next few days am not going to mention his time with their sister, or WAP in general. For my own self protection.
I have been reading the Bible a lot and Broken Heart on Hold - I am starting to understand the meaning of letting go and letting God. My bf (who is also quite religious) was talking to me yesterday about letting go and putting your trust in God. She was saying that faith is, by its very nature, trusting in something you cant see, that doesn't appear obvious etc. She was also very clear that many thinks in life are NOT as they seem. As I wrote to WAPs brother late Thursday - I have to have faith that the best outcome will happen for me and D - whatever that is. If WAP is meant to be in our life in the future then I have to trust that he will be in some way that is healthy and mutual.
2 weeks and 2 days since ANY form of contact with WAP (even email) and 6 weeks since BD. Is this unusual for the early days of BD/Replay? My impression is that there is usually more cycling.... Could anyone forward me a thread re the OW and her role in all of this (if there is one...) How have all of you coped with periods of No Contact? Trying to make small but positive steps for myself and D x
Your friend has given you the same advice that we have. It't all about him and his issues and that you had absolutely nothing to do w/them. Turn the matter over to God and allow him to work on him.
You may not hear from him again for many weeks, even months. Some just disappear for long periods of time. It's nothing to worry about. They are just out there doing their own thing and the euphoria of a new adventure has their focus right now. You don't see cycling until further along the path, if he's in MLC.
I don't recall a thread on the ow that we have ever posted here. We speak of her as being nothing more than a Band-Aid and usually she has issues herself. They enjoy each other's company and she is most likely a f@ck buddy to him. The feelings of love are not he same, i.e., it's more like friends/companions. Somewhat like friends w/benefits. Mlcers are looking for something new and exciting and usually very different from us. Eventually the newness will wear off and the old routine will come into play.
We all have learned to cope w/the lack of contact by focusing on the day-to-day activities, getting involved in projects and hobbies and if there are children...you focus on them. The first few months will be the hardest, but if you can look to each hour versus day, you'll be okay. Find things to keep you busy, hook up w/old friends and I always encourage people to make a list of the things you've put on the back burner as well as new things and get started checking them off the list.
Keep in mind, this is a very long trip and there are no guarantees that he'll want to reconcile w/you. You need to act as if he may never return and move forward w/your life. Life is far too short to sit around waiting for him. Life is waiting to embrace you, so open yourself up to new adventures and if, and when, he contacts you, you'll be in a better place, a place that you will feel much like your old self and who knows...maybe in an even happier place. Please don't put your life on hold for him. Live your life to the fullest.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
