own a buz 20: confused within the confusion

[makingmagic]

sure, OK .. its what I write... and I have taken responsibility.. which is WHY I always re-iterate what I write, especially with Bond. It comes across as me repeating and not listening to advice, and I know this about myself.... I admit, I do have a difficult time explaining myself.... sorry.

[MrBond]

"WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! You guys TOTALLY misread that!! .... again, MISREAD ..... Misinterpreted Again!... "

"I really feel that if you could see my life, hear my words ... you would understand me better. There is so much misinterpretation in messages"

You have a problem of not accepting responsibility. Have you ever thought that since there are so many people who seemed to have "taken your message the wrong way", that maybe you are the one with the problem with communicating? How about working on that rather than saying WE are misreading you.

"AND AGAIN.... PLEEASE everyone.... I know I p!ss many of you off...this is not my intent. but, I really feel that if you could see my life, hear my words ... you would understand me better."

O brother. We ALL hear your words. You're just not hearing yourself.

"There is so much misinterpretation in messages... I hate it... for example: Gabby, I was genuinely asking with soft tone "are you sure?, because I thought there were rules/guidelines/script that I could be following"

When you capitalize something like "EXPERIENCED" (I thought that there were DB guidelines on how to react to this stuff? or at least EXPERIENCED members who could share???)

It appears as if you are devaluing GM's opinion.

"... and somehow MrBond took it the complete wrong way... and then it spiraled. ... and it insulted everyone! F-me!!"

Oh so now you're blaming me. You have a terrible way of not taking responsibility. In fact, nobody read what I wrote as being insulting. They read what YOU wrote. So now I'm your scapegoat like you blame your H for things. I think I'm getting a clearer picture of how he was being treated.

[makingmagic]

t2? how would you have written to Gabby to ask her if she is sure that there wasn't something "out there", as in rules, guidelines, experiences that I could follow?... I thought I was saying it with sincerely and honesty.... it got blown out of proportion.

[makingmagic]

I AM RESPONSIBLE!...forgive me.

[MrBond]

"I AM RESPONSIBLE!...forgive me."

Lip service. What you don't realize is that you've had this problem for awhile and when you get called out on it, you apologize, but continue to do it.

Any changes you make have to be practiced on a consistent basis in order to become habit and an actual part of who you are. And being 'sorry' for something is meaningless if you keep doing it without understanding why. It's like M. You don't want your spouse to just say 'I'm sorry' for something you don't like but then they keep doing it. Then it makes it sound like they're not listening to you.

WAYYY back when, I recommended that when you speak to your H, after he talks, you repeat back what you said to him to show you were listening and 'understand'. You should do that here.

[makingmagic]

he gets mad when I do that. He feels like I didnt hear him the first time.

Feel free to call it lipservice... I know whats in my heart and I am sorry. I do try to work on this.. continually. Which is how the term "pitbull/dog with a bone" comes into effect. I continually try to explain myself without success, and it gets misinterpreted.

So, I understand you want me to repeat back what I received so that it shows I am listening and understand....got it.

[KenF]

magic,
in my sitch, i realized i myself could not forgive her PA. as torn as i was with wanting her back (which i explained earlier) i also realized any reconciliation would ultimately fail because i would never truly forgive and forget. i would never be able to get past it. without any doubt, i would have become the WAS.

now, to be very clear, this is me. other people have been able do that level of work, they are stronger than i am, or have a different disposition, or they love their SO more than i did.

but now YOU must decide that if you reconcile, are you willing to put in the amount of effort necessary to truly forgive him?

otherwise, it wont be long until we're here giving him advice.

[TSquared2]

t2? how would you have written to Gabby to ask her if she is sure that there wasn't something "out there", as in rules, guidelines, experiences that I could follow?... I thought I was saying it with sincerely and honesty.... it got blown out of proportion.

No. I'm not giving you a fish.

Here is what you wrote, think about it, rewrite it several ways, have your friend or IC or someone read your re-writes, take their feedback, and re-write it again, until you "get it":

"are you sure GM? I thought that there were DB guidelines on how to react to this stuff? or at least EXPERIENCED members who could share???"

[makingmagic]

Ken...thank you for sharing what must be so raw for you. Very hurtful. I am not sure what my response will be... I am still going through feeling it.... that, and he hasn't asked for reconcilliation. Yesterday & today, he has been very communicative with his calls/texts/whereabouts in business.

T2 ~ I expressed my apology and took responsibility... I am done with that. I prefer to be happy than right. I'm letting that go.

[heartbroken5]

Whoa I really needed to this one @ adinva.. this is my sitch.. I am the person you describe here holding to ever word and not dealing with the reality of it. I'm going to print this and read it every day!