Woody's Rise

[woody112]

I haven’t posted here in a little while, but I visit daily to read and learn as much as I can from the people here. I’ve been hesitant to update my sitch because I know people would caution me to be careful. So, I’ve been doing the careful thing on my own.

My W was very hard on me between Thanksgiving and Christmas, but something has changed inside of me and I no longer feel the need to get defensive. I still get frustrated, but I refuse to throw up those walls that I’ve hidden behind for so long. She did a lot of venting… and I did a lot of listening (I use to be the worst listener on the planet). Just when I thought things were going backwards she says to me “You really do like me, don’t you? I’ve been so hard on you lately, but you’re still here being a good friend to me.” Things have really improved since she said that.

So, Positive changes in Me:

• I cleaned up my potty mouth. I never realized how a simple change like this could affect my whole self. The ugly words are replaced by kind words, which oddly enough carried over to good behaviors replacing bad ones. Seriously, this has had a huge impact on how others view me as well as how I feel about myself.
• I’m done making excuses.
• I’m done pretending to be someone I’m not.
• I’ve stopped being the guy that asks his W how he can help. My eyes are open and I am fully engaged. No more Mr. Passive.
• I’m learning how to be the leader of my family. I never knew how much she has wanted to be able to lean on me. This has been a huge focus for me.
• I am also bent on making sure my children break the cycle of dysfunction that has plagued my family.
• I am working on a plan to become a better Husband, Father, and Friend.

Positive changes in the M:

• W hasn’t gone out with GFs in over a month.
• W has gone out on several “dates” with me.
• W sits with me at church.
• W referred to me as her “husband” on several occasions.
• We hug and touch each other freely. W does complain that I don’t kiss her enough, which is kind of a good thing.
• ML a couple of times. We need to work on this…
• The children are getting to see mom and dad be affectionate toward each other. Our younger ones may not have ever seen this before. I can’t even describe how this has affected them and the general mood of the household.
• W told me to get a passport just in case she wins her company’s trip incentive.
• W calls me several times a day. As to not go back to my old habit of not showing her I care about her (by not calling her), I occasionally text her that emoticon that looks like it’s whistling.
• More than anything we are acting like a true partnership for the first time in our M.

Life has been very good.

[melissag]

Haha, Gabby, I am glad I am not the only one who thought that!

Woody, this sounds fantastic. It really does. I think you are doing a great job, and seeing great results. Good for you. Keep it up and let us know how it goes!!

[KdogGS]

Awesome thread title. That is all.

[woody112]

W initiated talk this weekend regarding her rings. She said they would not go back on her finger in their current state. She hinted at maybe a new setting for the diamond, and a new wedding band with 2 dates (Old & New Wedding dates). I suggested, if all goes well of course, we exchange vows 180 days from our current aniversary. She liked the idea of 180ing the date, and she asked how I came up with such a clever idea...

[NTX_Dad]

woody - how's it going?

[woody112]

Things have been moving along nicely the past few weeks. We have been thoroughly enjoying each others company.

For the past couple days I feel like I've had a dark cloud following me- I don't know why. I kinda feel like the old me is trying to creep into my head. She's noticed too, which has put her back on her guard. She sees it in my face, my tone, my demeanor. She thinks I'm spiraling backward. I think I'm just having a "bad" couple of days. I just wish there was something I could do to snap me out of this.

[completelylost]

Woody you can! You are what you say you are. You are in control of your thoughts, emotions, happiness and life!

“So what is the difference between “power thinking” and “positive” thinking? The distinction is slight but profound. To me, people use positive thinking to pretend that everything is rosy, when they really believe that it’s not. With power thinking, we understand that everything is neutral, that nothing has meaning except for the meaning we give it, and that we are going to make up a story and give something it’s meaning.” – T Harv Eker

[labug]

Self care, GAL, hang in there.

[Mach1]

For the past couple days I feel like I've had a dark cloud following me- I don't know why. I kinda feel like the old me is trying to creep into my head. She's noticed too, which has put her back on her guard. She sees it in my face, my tone, my demeanor. She thinks I'm spiraling backward. I think I'm just having a "bad" couple of days. I just wish there was something I could do to snap me out of this.

Have you had a "cloud" around you ???

Why do you feel that they are "bad" ???

Why does she ???


You string a couple "bad" days together, and that turns into a week, then a month...

Hey, there's the old Woody !!!



What is different around you now, than before ???

What struggles are you facing, or upcoming ???

What is different that is knocking you off of your balance ???

Complacency ?

Routine ?

Winter blahs ?


Think about the things that made the "new" Woody, the man that was attractive enough for another chance at this.

Think about the person that you want to be everyday, and put him into action.

Find things to look forward to, instead of dwelling on what once was...

The past does not define your future....

[woody112]

It is probably just a case of the winter blahs. The past couple of weeks our two youngest have been fighting colds, strep throat, stomache bug, and now it looks like pink eye. Nothing to get worked up about, but it does force us to adjust our work schedules. That along with 4 snow days in 2 weeks, in which the kids don't have school.

I'm not really tired, but the feeling is similar to not sleeping very well.

Yesterday morning she said the dreaded "Woody's back!" when she was ticked at me. Then she goes on to tell me how she was warned that "people don't change". It makes me wonder why someone would say that to her... Then I start worrying someone who might want us to split up is putting this in her head. I know I can't control what other people say or do, but these things do float in my head sometimes when I'm feeling like this.

I'll be okay. Just venting a bit today.