The ever after, after:

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Lessons I learned and try to implement on at least a weekly basis.

I ask on a semi frequent basis:
"Am I doing ok by you?"

We started a ritual 3 kisses every night that started when we started sleeping together again. 8 years later...

I keep my stuff on my side of the bathroom sink. Period.

I listen to her, I don't try to solve her problems. She likes to vent. If she keeps talking about a problem, I'll ask her if she wants me to keep listening or to offer advice.

When we get into an argument, I put on the brakes instead of screaming and waving my arms as I gleefully dive over the edge.

I ask her if she needs help.

I thank her when she does stuff in the house.

We do stuff that makes us a team, games and shopping.

I sing to her in stores.

I write her notes.

I don't interupt her.

I remind myself that she is my best friend, and to not take her for granted.

I tlk to her when i am upset with her instead of letting crap fester, I expect the same from her.

[Drew]

It's really just common sense and mutual respect when you come right down to it, isn't it buddy?

And yes, Mach, one of my longer posts ....

[Jack_Three_Beans]

If it was common... : )

Just a reminded list for me as well and to point out that DBing isn't just until the MLC is done and then put it away.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

A question for all you all out there.

After all this crap you are going through and have gone through...

What do you think of the word: Soulmate?

[tigerlily78]

It makes me want to stab someone in the genitals with a rusty ice pick. (Romantic? No I suppose it's not)

I guess I never really believe in "soul mates" anyways. I believed in two highly compatible people who met and fell in love and shared their lives and whose traits complimented each other and who were committed to making it work. The sad part is most of us are woefully ill informed about what it ACTUALLY takes to make a relationship work.

That "soul mate" was part of my BD speech just makes it seem sour and trite. You do not know someone is your soul mate after one evening out with them, you just don't... you can't possibly even know if you have longterm compatibility, just infatuation and limerence. If you want to tell me someone is your soul mate, please wait until you have been happily married for 40 years.

[JFun51]

I got the soulmate crap about another couple. They have deep "soulmate" love that they don't have to work on. It's natural.

The word reminds me that everyone has a shallow, teenage/Hollywood view of love. Makes me wanna puke. Makes me wanna hit some home wrecking POS with a crowbar and drown him in his own pool. Oops. Sorry.

I read somewhere that one or great problems in R is that all women think men are gonna be like Matthew McCounehay (sp) or Ryan Reynolds in some sappy chic flick or romantic comedy. On the flip side, every man wants his woman to be a porn star. Unrealistic expectations? Setting ourselves up for failure?

[JFun51]

BTW, love your original post here Jack. Very nice and helpful. It's constant communication and maintenenance.

[AJM]

What kid grows up and thinks, "gee, I'm going to marry somebody and get pulled into arguments, then disrespect that person and treat them like they owe me something!"? For that reason, I think self-awareness should go along with respect and common sense (implies common understanding).

Soulmate? What they ^^^ said, although a "dull" rusty ice-pick might be more to my liking. It's a fallacy started wayyyyy back with Plato and the like. And the problem with falling in love, is you can fall right back out of it. Commitment has a lot more to do with a life partner and the love of your life.

Just my $.04 worth (adjusting for inflation)

AJ

[Truegritter]

Makes me want to slam somebody's pecker in a sliding glass door...

Soulmate is like using the words never and always

[uRworthy]

I agree with the sentiments, but, geez, boys, ice picks and pecker slammin.......ouch! LOL!