You are a strong, compassionate woman. You do what you think is best for you, as long as it is not to your detriment, as long as it doesnt affect your heart.
I dont know what your h's agenda is. I do know that those in MLC will do whatever it takes to satisfy their needs.
You have the power here, Dawn. I understand compassion. I also understand how someone can take advantage of that.
Make your roadmap, sweetie.
My own road map? Gonna work on that one! I really appreciate these words!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
immersed in family crappola - as usual- trying to keep my distance and regroup a bit. '
it's soooo cool this morning- yay.
my neice has been here working on her school projects due - alot- last day or so - a nice break in non-stop my mother junk. her mother taking on the mom-care duties. it feels mighty nice...
sos w/ me and mlc and h (he returns wed if all complete with his aunt and funeral and transport of body, etc.) (will see on that)
i am numb more than anything. hate, anger, death, etc...
too much junk going on here. it's like a bad movie!
anyway- hope all is well with you and your life - you're sounding good - i'm jealous of your resolve & certainty - good on ya mate (crikey- me being australian)
i hope to feel it someday myself. ya gotta love linda's unabashed certainty of her love. i wish i could be so sure of myself- she's a lesson...
anyway- i've got not too much this morning. it's cool and i straightened up house so much - maybe i can actually continue and de-junk my house & life a bit more ... hope springs eternal.
i'm hoping to take a big stand in life to my family. this last episode has been soooo dramatic & traumatic- i'm thinking it's time to somehow try to convey i am no one's fool here.
what i've done out of family feeling - has been by choice up til now- not by their demand. i'm not liking how this whole thing has made me feel- . i am never a head-on collision kind of person- but feeling that i've got to do something here to turn things around a bit and save myself. ick ick ick
who will if i don't??? anyway- should be hair raising and i'm hoping i muster the guts & accomplish something more equitable in this family.
like, what am i afraid of??? why do i find it so hard to speak plainly to my sisters. why is it difficult to say to older sister- "are you kidding me? you come to nj to go to mother's shore house and to work (only) - don't insult our intelligence saying it's to see mother" like, everyone knows it but her- even my mother has said many times if she didn't have that shore place she'd never have seen my sister again for last 40 yrs. who is kidding who? i did suggest yesterday she come sooner - like now and do a "stint" caring for mom- silence..... from her. OR that she forego the shore altogether and stay with mom and give us all a break - AGAIN- SILENCE..... (OH YEAH, she threw in that her younger daughter may be coming up from wash.d.c. - so, like why not make her come to mom's instead of shore and pitch in) again, silence...
i sure hate being such a wimp . no one here is going to do anything uncomfortable unless they have a gun to their head- and i apparently am supposed to be the gun holder!!! wtf?? soooo not me.
oh well- it's all quite a joke- we'll see how it all goes.
anyway- glad for you lately- hope good things with mom & dad continue and that your detachment holds w/h ...
hi and hope all's going well in your household. Are ya still nursing h? is he still "disabled" or back on the road to recovery?
just thinking about you- i've been pretty bored with anything coming out of my own mouth. tired of all this stuff goin on in life , how it makes me feel, etc.
tired of feeling it all & tired of saying it all - probably like everyone else in the universe as well....(hearing my usual old crappola_)
h comes up here wed if his aunt's funeral & body transport, etc. is all ironed out. as usual- i'm thinking why f'ing bother. what in the world could he possibly even want to - since on a daily basis he is indifferent to me and what is going on in my life?
I'd say he was w ow last nite- all the usual rejection issues going on with me when you KNOW AND resent, etc. i did sleep tho- yay - thank God for sleepng pills...
a milder version of the beginning of all this junk - over and over and over huh??? - it's getting mighty old. it was making me think of you saying you're DONE and your H is not able to be the person you need in your life anymore -
(for the present anyway).
then you have compassion & he IS in fact a part of your life- whether you like it or not- it's wierd in general. the "strings" -
ANYWAY- hope you're having fun with the kids and rest of your life-
nothin much here or to say today . feelin mighty empty about it all -
hey - maybe being too tired to even think about being angry is something else- something good, ya think???? too tired to think of a better name for it- (if it deserves one)
Dawn "My own road map? Gonna work on that one! I really appreciate these words!"
Hey Dawn. I feel that your H's MLC is moving into a new level or stage. He seems as confused as ever, but he's trying to break away from his EA at least. Maybe his recent illness is helping there. How does he feel?
But you seem so unhappy my friend. Sort of fried. Our MLCers have their handbook; I wish there WAS a roadmap for us Standers. Wonka wote something on T2's thread today that might help you:
Wonka "When MLCers start to come out of their tunnel, it is a very sensitive and tender stage. They are emotionally fragile and very tentative. This is the MOST critical stage for standers to be more sensitive, nurturing, and supportive to the MCLer while STFU on your own pain and resentments.
It takes a while for us to process and work through our own issues and becoming whole again. Opened ended questions will help in getting the MLCer to see their stuff in new light and come to new insights & understandings. Don't try to fix them. In an odd way, you are the MENTOR to the MLCer at this stage.
Do mentors dump their problems, issues and hurts on their mentees? No, they don't. Right. Now this is how you will need to approach things with your W going forward as she is dancing at the tunnel's opening...but not yet fully out of it. She's comfortable at that spot for the time being. It is okay for her."
Maybe this is how your H is, trying to come out, in a tentative and emotional state.
Don't give up now Dawn. You've come so far.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
My h told a coach that he was sneaking around with EA and it felt free, his face looked relaxed and he was smiling as he spoke. Once I knew all he wanted me to do was let him go, say sure here's a suitcase.
Coach said why didn't you just leave. You could have gone. H began to turn his head away as he said the is a level of care for my wife too.
IF H stays I will never trust that he is not talking to her, if he leaves I WILL trust that he is on a journey nowhere and that he may "try" to come back or disappear for good.
Either way it sounds like mistrust and emptiness for me. It also sound like a life without what I want out of a R, what about my needs? H kept saying he can go back to who he was, coach and I both said, that's not possible. But, he can become a good loving H And father while moving forward.
I behave zero faith in any of that. Why am I sooooo intent on never being able to see a R that would be satisfying for me? Am I stubborn, hurt, or do I know something I don't know yet.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
Don't have any words of wisdom for you Dawn but I'm sending you hugs and prayers of strength.
Take care
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
sorry to hear you in such a quandry. as usual- i don't think it's all one thing or the other. i feel alot like you- not sure it's doable - not sure it's chuck it all out the window time.
i got nothin wise to say- i ws going to admit that sometimes when i talk to h- i am sorry to admit to self that i "feel better" a bit in life. maybe old habit- maybe whatever the heck - idk.
i'm sure it's like that for you a bit too- it's a long long time to just weed it all out of your soul and move one way or the other.
like us all - i guess you're stuck in holding pattern - waiting to see exactly what you feeel "in the end" - what he feels or does "in the end" - etc. i can't figure out what the heck else is going on other than them still crawling thru their tunnels - and us still just laying there in the bushes waiting to see what crawls out of the hole-
hope your day is okay. as usual, good luck and hang on. we sure do have alot of time and effort & gut invested in this stupid mlc junk. oh well huh?
nothin exciting and better to be doing just yet- but in the end..... da da dummmmmmmm..... who knows rite??? (not dead yet)
