wife hardends heart-4

[planet]

reached >100 posts, time for new thread...
past threads...
wife hardends heart-3
wife hardends heart-2
wife hardends heart

[planet]

There is no "secret". Nothing that I'm hiding from you.

It starts with faith. Faith that you believe your M can be saved. It starts with that.

It's hard. I want to have faith. I truly want to believe.
Once W decides then that's that. She never compromises.
I just feel the need to do something about our M and not just focusing on myself. I just don't know what to do.

The "secret" is to become the best person you can become, which means you will be happier in the long run, no matter what your w does. Truly believing that you are going to be fine, regardless, gives a confidence that many find attractive.

It's a paradox in a way.

But I found that when I really let go of my m, turned it over to God, & just worked on ME, that is when my h began his own shift home. Not overnight, but there were unmistakable signs that he had noticed changes in me, which intrigued him.

It is a paradox. Sounds like breaking up this relationship in order to build a new one?

I just think you must KNOW that you will be alright, regardless of your wife's choices.

When I truly believed that, when i KNEW i was going to be happy again, regardless, and began making plans for my new life, an inner peace came to me.

I began looking forward to my new life (& freedom), and then....somehow it radiated from within. I mean it began to show on the outside..

How will I ever know? How long does it takes?
I'm trying to forgive myself. Not one day goes by without feeling regretful.
I'm just standing by, watching my M slipping away.

Now GAL for real.

Yes, Ma'am.
Looked up 'meetup.com'. Will be signing up soon.
There groups for singles only. Looks interesting.
There are also groups for business & entrepreneur meetings. Looks interesting too.
Been swimming after BD.
Still searching for IC. You're right. I really do need to talk to someone.

cross country skiing

Not here.
Do visit Malaysia though. Truly 'Asia'. Nothing like it.

Meet new people, PLEASE....

Overcoming inertia is the hardest part. Once you are out there, you won't regret it.

I will.


On another note, my partner found his 'way' again. At least, some good news.

[MrBond]

"Once W decides then that's that. She never compromises."

Stop mindreading your W. Originally she said that she was going to be your W right? But now she doesn't. So she does compromise and she does change her decisions. Stop telling yourself she doesn't.

"I just feel the need to do something about our M and not just focusing on myself. I just don't know what to do."

You need to STOP feeling like you need to do something about your M and START focusing on yourself.

[subguy]

The "secret" is to become the best person you can become, which means you will be happier in the long run, no matter what your w does. Truly believing that you are going to be fine, regardless, gives a confidence that many find attractive.

But I found that when I really let go of my m, turned it over to God, & just worked on ME, that is when my h began his own shift home. Not overnight, but there were unmistakable signs that he had noticed changes in me, which intrigued him

I wanted to highlight this again for you, I really hope you understand what is being said here.

Sounds like breaking up this relationship in order to build a new one?

YEP!! Now it's time to build up a new you, in order to build up a new relationship. It is time to look at you and your behavior and change the parts of you that did not work. You truly have been given a gift, the opportunity for you to make changes in you so that you are the best person you can be. It's tough work and I believe you can be successful.

[planet]

What is being said here is letting go. It's going to be really hard.
My brain is processing this but my heart isn't going along. I want to let go. I really do. But i can't cheat myself. I don't sleep well. Haven't had a good night sleep since BD. I wake up every 4am and can't really sleep thereafter.

[subguy]

What is being said here is letting go. It's going to be really hard.
My brain is processing this but my heart isn't going along. I want to let go. I really do. But i can't cheat myself. I don't sleep well. Haven't had a good night sleep since BD. I wake up every 4am and can't really sleep thereafter.

I totally get it, your hurting and that is normal. It's okay to feel the way you do. Please don't beat yourself up about your feelings. Lead with your head and your heart will follow.

What do you think you can do to refocus a bit when those feelings are rushing in? What activities can you do that will keep you focused?

What would happen if you wrote some goals down for yourself and focused on them? I mean relationship and personal goals, something for you.

I found taking a HOT bath with my mp3 player (with music loud enough to drown out my thoughts)just before bed time, helped me to relax and sleep better. I also found that reading a book for pleasure helped my brain to switch off and relax. So... any ideas on ways for you to find some calm?

[planet]

Personal goals? please expand.

I love movies. It helps me to relax and completely shutdown after a hard day before BD.
I tried watching comedies before bed but to no avail. Still got up early. Never have sleeping problems before. I usually sleep right through everything but now little noises will disturb my sleep.
It has to do with my impending D.

[planet]

The court hearing of my joint petition is tomorrow.
I'll be spending the night at my former home, now W's. We will be going together in the morning.
Came right after work and found W already took the kids out to meet up with OM. Kids! Again they will let you know without asking.
MIL was at home asking questions about who's present. I think she suspects something or probably knew something's going on. OM never come over since MIL stays here for the weekdays with W and the girls because the nanny acted up again and have since took a sabbatical. Probably W wouldn't allow it but she's fine with her sister knowing.
How to detach from all this? How to act as if i'm fine with this.

[subguy]

Personal goals? please expand.

Sure. Personal goals are for you and what you would like to accomplish. Here are a few ideas * learn to play guitar * learn to cook. * run a marathon or 1/2 or 5k. * Save an amount of money. * Read 1 book a month. * Start doing a hobby that you stopped doing.

Basically GAL, however set a time to accomplish the goal. E.G. I want to run a 1/2 marathon by April 2014. Then set mini goals between now and then to track your progress.

Lets say you only obtain 70% of your goal, that means you were able to run just over 9 miles. That's still a great accomplishment.

So... why don't you list some goals and 180's here if you have not already and let mr. bond or someone help you to fine tune the goals so that they are obtainable.

Never have sleeping problems before. I usually sleep right through everything but now little noises will disturb my sleep.
It has to do with my impending D.

Then try a different relaxation technique. One of the basic fundamentals to DB is to watch your situation and if something is not working adjust your attitude and approach. Keep trying different things until you hit on what works for your situation. The world will not come to you and make you happy, keep trying. Change, adjust, adapt, roll with the punches. It does get easier.

[planet]

Alright. Different technique.
Tonight i'm going to think happy thoughts to relax. I'm going to take deep breaths and relax when i wake up early. Just relax.