LBH on the Left Coast IV: I Want To Believe

[LBH_LC]

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Please see the first pages of my other threads for a summary.

Long story short: Wife leaves, files TRO, drops the TRO after 204 days wants to talk (but still divorce), doesn't initiate much contact in the month since, is having some serious health issues, says she forgives me but still intent on D.

Most recent development:
Got a text from the W on Sunday. She said she lost her health insurance because her hours have been cut to part-time and then the usual WAS stuff: "nothing left in me to fight you, I have no animosity, I need you to move on with your life, I really need closure, It doesn't feel right for this to linger, there is nothing for us, can you help move this along smoothly.." She said she prays for me and mine daily (she wasn't the praying type before BD) and that she asked God to help her forgive me and she did...

My reply said that I was glad to hear to from her but that I was sorry things are so rough. I said this seems like important stuff and asked if we could talk face-to-face. (We haven't talked face-to-face since BD except for a few minutes at the courthouse.) No reply yet.

I really want to help her any way I can and I need her to know I've never had any animosity towards her. I'm trying to see if I can get her on my health insurance. It really hurts that as bad as things are for her, she still doesn't seem to want me or my help.

I found out today I can get her added to my health insurance for a heft fee. Should I message her again or let it be?

[MrCAS]

Ever watch the movie, "Fireproof"? A moving film. Maybe a little bit hokey but still a good movie.

[AnotherStander]

[quote=LeftCoastLBH
I found out today I can get her added to my health insurance for a heft fee. Should I message her again or let it be? [/quote]

Based on her text to you it seems pretty clear she doesn't want your help, although I do think it's admirable of you to try to help her out. But I wouldn't say anything unless she asks you about it.

[labug]

Hey Lefty, as painful as it is, stand back. She's telling you very clearly what she wants. Listen to her.

She has to figure this out on her own.

[LBH_LC]

She has asked me for help twice before and I was unable to help her. Maybe she is afraid of being rebuffed a third time?

[labug]

Why are you able to help now?

[LBH_LC]

The first request could have left me vulnerable to legal repercussions if she chose to turn nasty again, the second request was for something I was not willing or able to do. This situation is different, her health (life?) is in danger, and I want to help any way I can.

[labug]

Can you do it without expecting anything in return, search deep inside for that answer.

But I would still wait and see what happens.

[LBH_LC]

Honestly, probably not. Still having difficulty detaching. I'm a "fixer" and leaving things like this is very difficult for me.

I refuse to have the conversation she wants to have by text instead of face-to-face. I deserve more than that after all this time.

[labug]

It's difficult for all of us. If she asks for help you could reconsider.

How can you make her have a face-to-face conversation? I think I understand your disappointment because for a long time my H would not be in the same room with me, everything was text or email. But I couldn't force him to do anything and attempting to do so would have been antagonizing. What's the point?