I never thought I would be on such site writing this...but here I am desperate for advice. My husband and I have a great life together. Married for almost 6 years and we have two kids. Without a doubt we love each other but I always say my mom loves me too my best friend loves me too so it feels the same way not special. We are not great in communicating cause we are on a totally different schedule. He works late at night and I take care of the kids. Our sex life is almost none existing. This happened even before we were married but I thought its a stage and it will go away. It got better from time to time but over all not there at all. I never thought he is cheating on me or anything like that its just not who he is. If nothing else he has a lot of respect for me....or at least that is how I feel. Recently we got back from vacation and I was loading all the pictures from my cell phone and the camera and I found a folder on MY computer that I have never seen before and when I opened I realized it all the pictures from my husbands phone somehow synced with my computer. I was so excited cause I knew he has so many great pictures of the kids on his cell but he was too lazy to send them all to me. I was going through the pictures and I came across three pictures...the moment I saw the pictures I passed-out. The pictures are of two half naked girls in the middle of his office (one of the girls is somewhat covered with his suit jacket). The girls facial expression is smiles and sexy eyes. I wanted to die....I still do. By the shots I can tell there is more them just the two girls in the room. I do not know who exactly is there but has to be few more people. I checked the date of the picture and it turned out to be his best friend (also work partner) birthday. For the VERY FIRST time in 9 years that we have been together I checked his phone but the three pictures were no longer there so i can't for a fact accuse him of being there. Maybe his friend sent him the pictures or something but then i am thinking if his friend sent it to him and he saw them and never save them on his phone i would have never get them. So i think he actually took the picture together with whoever was there. So as much as i would like to think he wasn't there i think he probably was plus one of the girl has his suit jacket over her. It's been a week since I saw the pictures and I still haven't asked or said anything. I am just confused and don't know what to do and where to begin from. His overall personality and mood hasn't changed at all he is the same person as he always is. He still does the same usual things and reacts to me the same way as always so I am very confused what to do.
I am sorry you are in this situation. I suggest you call our office to talk to one of the DB coaches that also deals with Sex Starved Marriages. Unfortunately, whatever is going on (physical or not) at his office, it is inappropriate and takes away from your marriage. Your coach will help you figure out the best way to approach him about what you have found out and then how you go forward to deal with the situation and how to rekindle your own marriage. I wish you the best.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
My only advice is to not assume the worst. It could be evidence of an affair. I could be something else entirely. Could be stupid guys' b-day party with some strippers, he snapped a couple photos, and deleted them after you saw them because he was embarrassed/knew you'd not be pleased. You don't know. Filling in blanks is dangerous.
1. don't jump to conclusions, and don't throw away a good marriage because of what might be just a one-time dumb mistake
2. you need to fix the sex-starved marriage though. see chapter about this in Divorce Remedy, and you will probably want to read MWD's book about Sex Starved Marriage. both will be available from Amazon and maybe from your public library too.
SW, Totally agree with the posters above. Most likely is totally innocent (not being glib) "guys being guys" crap.
My concern for you, however, is that you need to work on improving intimacy and communication in your marriage. The very first thing you need to solve together with your husband is your schedule! You shouldn't be living what is essentially separate lives. You are becoming roommates. One day, either you or your husband will wake up and feel the "spark" is gone. Consider this as an early warning for you to make big changes to your life now, before you end up like others on this board.
Many, many folks make the same lifestyle mistakes that you are making, all with the good intention of doing the right thing for their family. Ever hear the expression " the road to hell is paved with good intentions"? You and your husband need lots of time and open, honest, conversation together. If your relationship was in a great place, you could ask him directly why he doesn't want to be "intimate" more often. Then you could work to solve that issue together.
