I wanted to come back to this board and post a few things I have learned on my journey over the past 8 or 9 months. I wish I was at a point to reply to a lot of these new threads I see on here, but I feel like I am still learning myself. But I did want to point out a few things that I have leaned. My latest thread is in the piecing forum if anyone wants to catch up. 1. Listen to the veterans on this board! I know it's hard when you feel like your world has been flipped upside down. Your natural instinct is to grab on to your spouse for dear life. Because that's where you have turned to in your worse moments for so very long. But the first thing they will tell you is to GAL! This is more important than anything else. Go do it. If you sit around and just think about your sitch you will drive yourself nuts and you will also drive your spouse nuts. Unfortunately they are the last person you can go to right now. 2. The sooner you take veterans advice the sooner you will feel better about you. DBing is about you!!! Not your spouse. Its about becoming the best you you can be. As a wise man told me. "This is all about becoming the best you and best father you can be with a CHANCE to save your marriage. If you don't save your marriage, you will save yourself" I have lived by that ever since! 3. Speaking of. Your life is not over. Most of us here were very dependent on our spouse. You have to be happy with you first plain and simple. You really can't make someone else happy until that happens. 4. Patience, patience, patience!!!! 99 percent of us didn't get into this overnight and it will not end overnight. This is what I have learn led the most. You can't fix this or you overnight!! You have to sink in for the long haul I really hope that everyone here finds what they are looking for. I have a chance to save my marriage. I'm not there yet. But everyday I ask myself, "will this get me closer to my goal or not"
It isn't easy - I figured that much out. I've come close to giving up on my H more than once, especially over the last week or so, but each time so far I've read something on this forum that's given me new hope and kept me from giving up the fight.
Still working on the GAL part - I've never been much of a socializer or a joiner, preferring quieter activities on the homefront but I'm trying to force myself to get out and do something so that I'm not sitting in the house we used to share thinking about the better times.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
NQ, I know it can be tough to get out there and do new things. Especially if you are the quiet type. At least get out and go for long walks. Go read in a public place like a coffee shop or something. Definitely do not just sit around the house. You have complete control over your thoughts. But that's very hard to do when you are in the similar place all the time. Also, definitely think about volunteering. That's something that can be done quietly
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Cbtdad, GALing is one of my 180s so I'm actually trying to kill two birds with one stone as it were. One of the first things I did was organize a team of ladies from work and we did the Canadian Cancer Society's Relay for Life. Now I'm looking into joining a local Habitat for Humanity build team - just waiting for the list of available dates.
My S13 and I have started going swimming at least once a week and walking after dinner at least once a week. It still leaves a lot of time at the house but I'm slowly getting there. I don't miss H when I'm home since he spent more time out than in over the past six months. It's more likely to be when I see him away from the house.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
That is great! Keep that up and it will get easier and easier. I love Relay for Life. I helped organize the event in my previous city a couple of years ago. It's great event.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Good post. Definitely agree with GAL. In the past week since separation, I've been to the cinema with my brother, played poker at a local pub, started on those jobs I've been meaning to do down the allotment and yesterday, travelled to London to see my team play in a pre-season friendly, something I would have never considered before (large groups of people scare me lol) and I feel great for it.
I always had a list of things I wanted to do. I'm using this as my chance to do them.
Great post cbtdad. Also agree fully with you Not Quitting, everytime I feel like simply giving up and saying that's it, I came across something positive on the forum to make me say keep trying.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
I love the encouragement and positive energy on this board.
I may never get my relationship back, but I know that I'll be okay no matter what.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
