I don't post over here very often but wanted to get a discussion on this topic going. For those that don't know my story I'm D'd but still see XW frequently due to kids. I'm not spinning, trying to get her back, asking the why questions, or anything like that. I'm in a good spot with MY life right now with each day getting better. I preface this thread with that because I want this to be more an educational type thread and not a thread about me, my XW, or my sitch.
The thing I'm seeing is my XW seems to almost have multiple personalities and each of these personalities seems to have a unique 'age' to it. Sometimes it's the depressed/ confused person, then there's the extremely outgoing and happy person, there's disengaged mom who would rather be texting like some teenager, then there's super-mom, there's of course angry at the world and everything is someone else fault persona, followed by it's all about me party girl, etc... You get the picture. She'll show many of those in the same day or even afternoon.
Is this 'mask' wearing a normal thing for an MLC'r to go through? What are your experiences with this? Again, I'm not trying to figure out how to fix her or what I should do because I've learned to stay the hell out of her way. It just intrigues me and I'm curious...
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Spartan, Yes, it is very typical of someone in MLC to wear different masks throughout the crisis. You may see a child one time, a teenager another time and then and adult. Many people will see the "happy" mask and you might see the "sad, depressed mask". They were masks to fit whatever persona they are trying to work on at that given time.
BTW, we, the MLC Forum, often speak of the masks that they wear. Now, if only the mirror could show the real individual behind the mask.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I notice my W has 3 general "masks". She has the mask she presents to others -- a friendly, gregarious, fun-loving person. She has the day mask she presents to me -- aloof, business-like and sometimes cold (doesn't say thank you, walks away while talking, small criticisms, ..). My W then has what I'm now thinking of as the "night-time mask" that when we're in bed she will reach over and caress me, hug me, and be physically intimate.
For example the "cold day-mask"
yesterday after dinner we went shopping at Target with my two youngest daughters to buy them a toy. Upon entering the store, my W walks away on her own to look at something as if she is shopping alone. Later, when shopping and I drop something in the cart, she makes a snide remark that it probably broke. At home, she goes off into the bathroom with her phone. I put the girls to bed, and later ask, "did you kiss the girls goodnight?" She didn't, but she then started doing her hair. Later she just goes into our office onto the computer to do FB and apply for school.
The "night-time mask"
I went to bed around 10:30pm. My W came to bed almost 2:00am. At about 3am I woke up to go to the bathroom. When I got back in bed, my W rolled closer to me, entangled her body with mine, caressed my hair, and kissed me.
In the morning, she jumped out of bed and switched back into her day-time mask -- got dressed, more or less ignores our kids, and gives me a perfunctory kiss on the way out the door.
