I've realized that my XH has issues that don't concern me and if it weren't for my SS I probably wouldn't attempt to contact him for awhile.
The other day I asked him not to text me after 10pm, because I'm usually asleep since I wake up at 6 now. He got upset at that and said that he'd never contact me again. How's that for over reacting?
And a few days later he texted me that I was "throwing away our friendship"! I'd had enough and responded that he'd thrown away our marriage and I wasn't chasing after him any more. I know, not very DBing of me, but I've had enough.
He contacts me when he needs reassurance or a best friend, but his other friends get all the fun times. That's a little one sided for me. I'm supposed to see my SS on Saturday, so we'll see how that goes.
I was working at a festival last night and saw XH and SS briefly. SS came running up to me, saying hi and giving me a hug. XH wanted to pin down a day when I'd see SS.
They were only there for a minute or two, but XH came back before the fireworks to confirm the date. He seemed very stiff and uncomfortable, but maybe that had nothing to do with me.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
I am sorry it is really hard isn't it?? I found for my own sanity it was easier if I just didn't talk to h anymore. You can text or email about SS but talking might just be too much right now.
Paige, thanks for responding to me. Yes, it is very difficult to talk to him, which is why most of our convo's have been by text.
I got to spend the day with my SS and had a great time. We played with legos, watched spongebob and went to the pool. At times it was sad though, because it kept reminding me of how this used to be my life and now it's not.
And XH told me that he's talking to several women right now and it just made me realize that he's looking for attention. He can't see what he's given up because he's too busy being the center of attention.
Admittedly, in the last three months he started boxing and has gotten in much better shape, but I'm sad that he's being so shallow and just wanting attention.
I hope that he's keeping these women away from SS, at least until he gets serious with one because it's not a good influence on him. Xh needs to show him what it means to be a responsible man and not act like a hormonal teenager.
I thought I was doing ok, especially after the D was finalized, but it just hit me again today about what I've lost in the last two years.
I hope that I can find someone to share my life with in the future, but I'm not sure if I can trust anyone again.
I was always afraid that I'd hurt H and that he needed me more than I needed him, so having this happen just took me by surprise.
I'm sure I'll be better soon, but I had hoped that most of the sadness was behind me. At least I can be proud knowing that I did everything possible to make our relationship work.
And that even at the very end, I would have kept trying if only he'd wanted to. Xh gave up on one of the few people in his life who never gave up on him.
I hope that one day he'll realize that, even if it doesn't make a difference in our relationship.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
And that even at the very end, I would have kept trying if only he'd wanted to. Xh gave up on one of the few people in his life who never gave up on him.
I know exactly how you feel. I wish I could give you advice or wisdom but I am knee deep in it all right now. Im sorry that youre going through this. I'll pray for you
Me 32 W 30 Married 11 D10, S6 BD#1 January of 09 OM#1 2005 OM#2 Dec 08 OM#3 March/April of 09 Back together August 09 OM#4 May 13 W moves out June 2013 BD#2 June 21 2013 Filed July 2013 D final in Oct
Thanks brobafet for writing me. I've got homework tonight, but I'll take a look at your posts as soon as I can.
It's sad that we're all in this sitch, but I'm so thankful to have found this group. People here are wonderful and actually understand what we're going through.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
Yes it absolutely [censored]. The main thing I'm starting to realize even though it is still so very fresh is taking the time to heal and not rush it, very difficult process. The people here are great people and have good advice.
broba
Me 32 W 30 Married 11 D10, S6 BD#1 January of 09 OM#1 2005 OM#2 Dec 08 OM#3 March/April of 09 Back together August 09 OM#4 May 13 W moves out June 2013 BD#2 June 21 2013 Filed July 2013 D final in Oct
It is a surreal experience. Confusing and painful. The fear consumes u at times. But it gets better with time and work. So be patient and gentle with yourselves. This will pass and things will look bright again ok.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
I promise these feelings will pass. I hated my X after we got divorced. But time heals all. I know have a decent relationship with my ex and we can call each other up without problems.
My ex and I put our energy into making sure the kids suffered as little as possible. That's how we maintained a relationship through the separation. We let go of what we couldn't change and focused on what we could. Our kids are incredibly happy and I have a very healthy and positive relationship with ex and we still actually celebrate family occasions together as a family...although she still drives me a bit nuts now and then lol.
Hi, I had to read your new thread after seeing your signature line that your D.
I'm sure your experiencing what they say, that D comes w it's own set of issues, but at least your free to explore yourself.
My biggest fear is still being subject to H's sitch, D or not. My kids are grown, and he works an hour away so I would hope that's distant enough, he has no reason to drive to this suburb.
Does D mean anything different to your XH, I mean is it just a way to feel free but not really making a change in his life?
I'm sure you know what it means to and for your life, I hope your doing well.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
