Like many I initially came here focused on my M. Thanks to the vets and their willingness to share, now I am also trying to save myself.
Haven't given up on the M but have come to realize that the best way for long lasting success is to make myself the best man/husband/father I can be.
BTW, it helps to realize that I am the only person that I can really control anyway..... Still working on this point but getting better at it.
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
Today started off a little rough and I haven't been able to shake it all day at work.
Not completely sure why either, maybe something from one of the events over the weekend (summarized in previous thread). Some of the comments in those situation were a little stronger than before but overall seems like very similar to past few weekends.
Intellectually I know that I can only control myself and that I will be fine w/whatever decision my W makes. Struggling to get spirit / heart not in the same place today...
Oh well, this too will pass right? Keep Db'ing and working on me and things will be better!
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
Know what you mean, its a rollercoaster. Some Days ok, others just hell. On the down Days, i know how i am supposed to act, what to say, how to behave etc but actually doing it/ saying it/ being it seems almost impossible, and things generally go wrong...
You get this too?
M:39, W:35 T:12, M:3 (4y 2013.02.18) D:9 S:5 2 Dogs W says she wants D : 2013.01.18
I will say that I have less of those days/times now than 6 months ago and I can generally now identify something(s) that it can be attributed to.
That makes it all the more frustrating on days like today where I haven't got to that point yet.
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
Read another post where there was some debate/offense at whether situation was labeled a MLC or WAS. And agree with user who posted that if understanding the definition takes time away from working on you then it will most likely be time ill spent.
And at the end of the day most of the recommended actions are the same for the LBS in either case.
That being said I would like to learn a little more about MLC for the purpose of trying to understand more about what my W may being thru.
Anyone have recommended websites/books (beyond DR) that have been helpful in these situations?
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
I'm in the minority here but I think a life crisis is a life crisis no matter when it occurs. There are always predisposing factors and triggering events, usually depression is in the picture. The presentation and complaints are much the same whether 25 or 55, male or female.
I think Cadet has some links maybe over on the MLC forum or he may show up here to hook you up.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Yes, there are some good MLC resources over there. I love the MLC for dummies post by smurf for the sad, but pure, comedy relief, it's so dang scripted it's amazing...
Also one thread I learned a TON from were Jack3beans. His first 5-6 threads he created are pure gold for someone dealing with MLC.
Keep your chin up, tomorrow is a new day.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Sorry been absent, but have been keeping up on your sitch. I agree with the crisis is a crisis part and I think that yes, WAS and MLCer's have traits that are interchangeable, but at the end of the day, in either situation, we can't fix someone else.
labug, Spartan, IO, thanks for the comments and for taking the time to follow and comment on my situation.
I'll check out the smurf post. During times like this can use all the laughs we can find right? Also will check out the Jack3Beans posts for background.
Right now I am tending to agree with the crisis is a crisis part - just looking to learn a bit more about MLC to try and understand at some level what W may be going through. Not to try and fix it for her - learned the hard way through this situation that lesson (like many others at this forum - and many of them appear to have had even more to deal with).
Just really hard to see someone that I care about so deeply be so so sad and hurting - and genuinely stuck right now. She recognizes some of the changes I have made and realizes how good she has things, but seems to be legitimately unable to figure out how to be happy - thus I guess the depression element mentioned above by labug.
Oh well, can't do anything more than keep working on me, keep staying engaged with the boys and be there to support her if/when she is ready. Walked 3 miles this morning which felt good - maybe that's what was missing yesterday.....
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
I agree with Bug, Spartan and IO, and a crisis is a crisis is a crisis. Mid is applied as most of these seem to occur after a period of self examination typically occurring at mid life.
As a side note I had a personal melt down around 25 years. XW had some worries then. I triggered off of the Beirut bombing. Lost friends and I thought I should’ve been there.
J3B was very helpful to me. I expect you’ll get value from your review. Be careful of getting wrapped around any particular axle.
Aren’t endorphins great? As an admitted endorphin addict I have gone to extremes on occasion. Case in point 43 times around the flight deck of a Newark class LST equals 1 mile.
Semper Fidelis
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
