I am not sure why he dreads his own B day but he says he feels its nothing special anymore. Will do a card and hug.
This week has been a bit strange, in our workplace there are many other foriegners who have been married and divorce with Japanese spouses. This seems to have a negative effect on my H because he is using their failed marriages as an excuse for D.
Infact he compared what was going on in our marriage to another friends who just got himself kicked out of the country because his W sued him for emotional abuse. Frankly, I didnt even know you COULD sue for that reason. H made a snide remark about how I am, like this guys W, trying to make him miserable.
I did good this time and stood up for myself. I said. "It really hurts to hear you say that. I wouldnt try to screw you over for an insane amount of money for THAT reason. Something is wrong with that guys W. She probably just wanted to get him kicked out of the country, it has nothing to do with the money."
I wont think to much into it, but it really hurt to hear him talking like that. =(
It's spew. You will be better off in every way if you can hear him say something like that and breezily say that you are sorry he sees it that way, you don't feel that way at all. And let it go.
A lot of this stuff hurts, and the antidote is to take more responsibility for your own emotional state. Detach. Let him work through his issues without letting them jerk you around too. Be pleasant, know yourself, stay busy, don't feed trolls.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Today i was trying to list some good qualities about myself and i am having rouble thinking of any
I dont know why my husband fell in love with me, i wasnt anything special at the time we met. Lately my self esteem is so low i cant really think of anything. Caught my H looking at porn this morning too. Yuck. He would rather have a fantasy than a real person and he seemed smug in telling me that too.
Im at a loss today, othr than detaching, giving him his space and letting the small things roll off my back...what else can i do?
Wow guys, had a very emotional last two days. Yesterday i cooked a dinner of yakiniku for my H and I only to have the night end in flames. H started to go off on a tangent of critisisms against me so i stopped cooking, told him to not treat me like that at the finner table, packed the food away and didnt talk to him the rest of the night.
Come afternoon the next day H was guilt ridden and wanted to talk to me. He apologized for everything and said he felt bad i was going through all this and how he has treated me. I asked him what he wanted to do with us and if he felt that he still wanted the D to start thinking of sending me home.
H broke down and started sobbing, just kept saying sorry and that he didnt know what to do. He said he didnt mind being around me but he saw no future with me or for himself. We spent a good few hours talking casually about what we wanted to do in the future and what our hopes and dreams are. He really doesnt know what he wants in his life. I couldnt say anything to him, only listen. Im very sad and confused right now. What should i do? I think this is a step in the right direction because we are atleast talking again but im not sure howto take this turnabout.
Hi Luke, things are neither here not there recently. H has shown some positive signs, being more affectionate, seeking me out if i hide in my room all day BUT there is also some other things that really needs to be worked on.
H seems to think its his duty to critique me on everything I do when I am cooking or doing household chores. Its not in a nice way either, its very condescending and mean. I told him today that if he doesnt like how i perform my duties that he is free to do them on his own.
I need to find a way to draw bounderies between us when he starts to get like that, its too hard on me to work a full time job, do all the housekeeping and try to keep him happy.
Ive suggested to him this morning before work that we try to work out a room mate agreement of some sort because its unfair of me to be performing wifely duties for him while he is treating me like a doormat. I will talk to him about it more when i get home.
