I know, Lisa.7, me either. So confused. He says the right things. He even cried Friday, saying how he wanted us back, how me made mistakes. I turn him down for sex and he withdraws again.
By the way the sex would have been at his parents house, who are away. Can we say tacky. We aren't teenagers any more. Take me out first. We haven't even had a "date" or anything yet.
Jeez the more I think about the more I wonder about all of this.
I think you're on the right track, you don't go from separation to hopping in the sack to cure everything. I would suggest to him that you need to go out a few times to get to know each other again. If he doesn't find that acceptable then his motives are questionable.
Don't forget rejecting men for sex is about the worst thing you can do to a male. They are retreating to teach you a lesson I suspect. Look after your own needs first.
But if I would have I would be feeling pretty awful right now. Not knowing if he was just using me. He is still living with OW.
As a side note, since he has left I have lost a good bit of weight. I changed my looks. I started running. I am probably in the best shape of my life. How do I know he just doesn't want to try out the new me, and that's that. He doesn't really have any intention of leaving OW ? Maybe he's just attracted to the new me and wants to take me for a spin.
Confused.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
No what you did was right. You established a boundary and are totally right. He has no right and has not EARNED the right to sleep with you, especially since he's still with OW.
Tell him that there will be no intimacy while he is with the OW. That you have to protect yourself and that while you care about him very much, you won't be disrespected by doing so.
Meanwhile, you have to stoke that fire that's been burning in him. Continue to look "hot" when you see him and make him miss you. There's no more powerful pull than to something that you can't have.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Coming from a guy I don't think you blew, unless you want a open relationship. Stand your ground, in the end you will still have your self respect. Until he leaves the other woman it sounds like cake eating. I read something awhile back that I will live the rest of my life by...Whatever you do ask yourself will I be proud of myself for doing it?
Best of luck
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Thank you so much. I will continue to stand my ground. I did tell him that if and when him and OW are done maybe things would be different. That I needed to see that things were moving in the right direction first. And that I still needed to protect myself first.
He's just been silent ever since. His only response was a text back that said " I understand" and nothing else since then.
I know things won't change overnight.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
Join the club...this game is full of if's and but's. Don't forget we can't control what anyone else does. Still its amazing that you found yourself in a good place after two years and making plans to really move on and H has come along and thrown a spanner in the works.
Did you have any thoughts over that time about what you would do if it did happen?
I always thought/knew he would have regrets, but after 2 years I gave up thinking he would actually come to me and tell me and admit he had regrets and wanted to come back.
I was surprised when I got that message that he had regrets and wanted his family back. After 2 years I gave up thinking it would come. After 2 years I was finally getting ready to put myself out there to date.
Now I know I've changed in those 2 years. I've worked on myself. I've GAL. I've been seeing a therapist. I'm more confident.
He might not even like the new me.
Some people might think I am crazy to even consider letting him back. But if I can see he really wants this and is willing to work on US then I am willing to see where this could go. I still have hope !
In those 2 years he never pushed the divorce to be final. Not sure why since that is what he wanted at the time.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
