I wouldn't recommend any books right now. When my wife was acting like yours, the last thing she wanted was for me to fix her by asking her to read some material I felt would be helpful.
I would stick to DB and try to detach and have no expectations. If she isn't telling you how she feels I can guarantee you can't read her mind so there isn't much you can do.
Get a life for you, make yourself happy. If she is miserable its not your problem, she has to figure out her problems on her own. For me the hardest part was no intimacy and after I finally dropped the expectations I could think more clearly and do what made me happy without my wife.
I actually think she is testing you, making sure you are waiting for her. You need to act like you can live without her or nothing will change.
I just found your thread today, you asked about the 5k, don't help out. You end up getting used and while you might think it will help get her back she has no respect for you right now so tell her you can't do that.
Shaky
M 42 W 41 S 10 D 7 M 15 Years T 20 Years Divorce busted
Thanks for that shaky... One thing is that it's my W who asked me about the book I was reading and told ME that she wanted to do the exercises in the book.
I was just looking at it as an greatly regarded retrouiville at home type thing.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Wife is packing for her trip tomorrow, she is in a very defensive mood. I asked her if she wanted any help packing up the car since its cold outside to let me know and I got a snippy "no".... Lol...
Me thinks she is hoping that this trip will give her the justifications in her mindto break our wedding vows but she is saying she "hopes it will give her clarity" and the support I am showing her in going is really messing with her..
Then she asked what my plans were for the weekend and I rattled off a bunch of things and she got even more distant. The hardest part for me is to not initiate contact with her over the weekend...
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Wife is packing for her trip tomorrow, she is in a very defensive mood. I asked her if she wanted any help packing up the car since its cold outside to let me know and I got a snippy "no".... Lol...
Me thinks she is hoping that this trip will give her the justifications in her mindto break our wedding vows but she is saying she "hopes it will give her clarity" and the support I am showing her in going is really messing with her..
Then she asked what my plans were for the weekend and I rattled off a bunch of things and she got even more distant. The hardest part for me is to not initiate contact with her over the weekend...
You really need to give her space, she knows how you feel about the situation. Do not text, call or try to get a hold of her while she is gone this week. If she calls, text, etc, I would still not answer back right away.
Get her wondering what you are doing, its always good to be mysterious and not available.
M 42 W 41 S 10 D 7 M 15 Years T 20 Years Divorce busted
Solid advice and something I will be focusing on this weekend..
Last night we had a small argument... It was over nothing big but it was something I argued with her about instead of shutting down like I would have done. About 30 minutes after she came over, gave me a big hug and said thanks for not brushing the issue off my shoulders.
She then said, I can tell you right now actions speak louder than words...
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
She means that I cannot be afraid to rock the boat since our ship is already sinking.. she means that she wants to hear my feelings and emotions. That clamming up for so many years has put us in this sitch.
It goes against DBing somewhat but it is a specific thing she has asked for which she has stated could very well be the key and I have thought since the beginning almost that it is the main issue.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
24 hours with no contact will be @ 6:00. This will mark the single longest period of time that we have not been in contact with each other in 6 years.... So far I have refrained from initiating contact and I have things to do today but holy heck is this hard to do... I can definitely see I am NOT detached yet lol...
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Why do you think what she's asking for is against DBing? Do you really want to know why she had rather have you get into a verbal argument and express yourself rather than acting like a piece of dead wood? SHE WANTS PASSION!!!!
Maybe you see suffering in silence as being cool....or maybe even your version of what DB is about. It's neither. And I'm not saying to be a whiner, either. I just don't know how you interpret DB.
She is begging you to start standing up and do whatever you have to do to show you still have something down there in your pants. She doesn't want a girlfriend to share a house. She wants a real man who she can't intimidate. She wants a man who is not needy and clinging. Nothing else is going to work. Stop choosing some other alternative. So far, that's exactly what you've done.
I have beat you up in almost every post I've sent you. But you continue to say all the nice things.....like you will certainly take it under consideration, which I'm thinking means you'll continue to do the same behavior. You're doing the same with your W. Can you see that? It brings out the worst in her. I think she wants you to show some spunk!
I'm not trying to disrespect you. I'm trying to tell you how it is. But your W is treating you like cr@p and you try to make it humorous? That's what you do in your posts when you add "LOL". I've seen a few men in life who've done the same thing in their MR. They might as well carry a sign around their necks to declare themselves as doormats. It's just a coping mechanism, but it's a very sad one. However, it's you who choses to live your life that way and only you who can change it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, I always appreciate your posts and growing a pair is what I AM wprking on... I am an appeaser I always have been. But I am slowly leaving that behind...
The lols are mainly because I never thought I would be in this position...
I am constantly trying to make progress... I was under the impression that I should let her have her space this weekend and let her communicate with me when she is ready... I don't do that as much at home anymore.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
