We are definitely all in the same sitch, with the lack of conversation! (Think my W mastered the Detachment part already...LoL). But I am not sure I want to have a conversation with her right now with this being fresh in my head & her still spewing venom at me like I forced her to go out & find someone else!
One thing that I have had a really hard time with (Rough) is exactly what you are stating in your last post!
I am looking at the blessing of having my kids with me though, because (GOD) and the kids are what keeps me going on a daily basis. Except when I have to leave town occasionally for work (coming up again), then it's lonely time (LoL).
Rough: Im not winning the 'distancer chicken' match, but im not losing right now either. I think we're even and possibly at a stalemate. But I saw the smallest of signs last night that she has some interest...it was only a couple of waves during practice but right now I'll take it.
We dont even talk about finances, although soon we're going to have to because our tax extension runs out on October 15th and my accountant is breathing down my neck to get her the information she needs. Lucky for me she's a good friend of mine and we used to work together so she understands the situation and understands why im not willing to talk to my wife about it right now. Im seriously not going to attempt any conversation that isn't related to our boys right now. When and if it gets too close to October to hold out any longer i'll send her an email or text about needing to get some tax related documents, but if she wants space she's getting it from me.
If she starts trying to chat with me i'll feel more comfortable asking, but for now im not going to. And I don't feel like I have to win or that its some game, its really been good for me the last week or two to not have any conversations with her, I feel like im detaching a little. I still think I have a long way to go, but its slowly working.
Keep your head up Rough, this is a hard road we've chosen to walk and im proud to say that im walking it and that others choose their marriage as well. The easy way is to divorce, its much harder to make changes for the better especially when those changes start with you.
I am looking at the blessing of having my kids with me though, because (GOD) and the kids are what keeps me going on a daily basis. Except when I have to leave town occasionally for work (coming up again), then it's lonely time (LoL).
Yeah, mate. My D8 is definitely good for my PMA. she stops me from feeling sorry for myself (more than I actually do ). She's my main motivation to carry on when I get affected by W in a negative way. It's good because It forces me to stay cool and level-headed.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
I have a pressing tax issue I “need” to talk with W about. Personally, I don’t give a fu!ck that I need to reach out to her, I don’t really care. I am not pursing and I need to get some documents from her.
Boards are a bit quiet. Not much to report, I should probably be a bit more positive with my posts but I can’t say I am having the “time of my life”. You see, family’s always been the most important thing in my life. To have what’s most important yanked out from under you isn’t much fun but I have to face it. Sh!it, I’ve overcome lots of obstacles thrown my way throughout my life. I’ve come to the realization that us humans are some resilient SOB’s. I always forge ahead and I know I will be just fine.
W’s mainly business like with me. I guess you could say that I am very similar as well. I have the kids this weekend which will be great. When I have the kids it really helps me get my mind off my sitch.
Who knows if I will ever fully detach. From W’s point of view, I am fairly confident she views me as being detached. Maybe if I was “truly detached” she would notice the differences in me, not that it matters because we aren’t supposed to be wondering what our wives are thinking. We are supposed to be working on ourselves.
_________________________________ Freshman class of 2012 Me(M):38 W:43 Together: 15 Married: 11 D:5 S:8 W wanted separation 5/5/12 Stopped living together 5/5/12
“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude”. Thomas Jefferson
I'm with you mate. I've been going through a low period as well, with sparks of anger thrown in here and there.
I feel as you do about life in general, not only for me but as a couple, W and I managed through quite a few tough times thrown at us and we did well. I thought there was nothing we couldn't face together. It makes this sitch that much harder to take.
That's ok though. Let's take this time to improve ourselves. I know I've got great plans and loads of time to make them come to life. If eventually W wants to be a part of it, hopefully I'll still be willing to give her the chance. I'm just trying not ot think about it for now.
We need a boost from our cheerleader. Where is Suppo? I noticed his thread has been locked and he hasn't started a new one.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
So Rough, how was your weekend. This board has been unusually quiet this weekend. Hope all is fine with you mate.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Thanks for checking in on myself and the rest of the Freshman class Arsene. Yeah, I also noticed the boards have been a bit quiet. I had a good weekend with the kids, took them to the drive in movie theatre. There’s only one left in my State and it just happens to be about 20 minutes from my house. I also took the kids to the amusement park. I dropped the kids off at W’s last night. I usually walk the kids to the door and briefly see W. Last night I just let the kids go to the door by themselves and didn’t see W. That was not the routine, I just figured there was no reason for me to go up to the door.
I guess I haven’t posted because I was busy with the kids and nothings really changed. Since I haven’t focused on W over the last couple days its allowed me to have a “whatever” mindset. I wish I could keep feeling this way because it keeps my mind off things. This is why it’s so important for me to GAL.
I always dread getting messages from W. They are NEVER positive. Here’s the latest.
“I am short and I need additional money from you.” She went on to say “You have zero to no expenses at the moment”.
I gotta tell my DB friends, it’s REALLY tough for me to hold back from unleashing on W!!!! Even though I won’t give up, it’s this kind of bs that makes me want to throw in the towel at times. I give W 1,000 a month. I pay her 500.00 every two weeks on schedule and that’s what we agreed upon. I just gave her 500.00 on Friday and I dont have extra money, I am on a strict budget and my W is very selfish and very demanding.
I will probably not respond to W’s request. If she asks again, I will simply state that I understand things are tough financially however I am on a budget and this is what we agreed upon.
). She's my main motivation to carry on when I get affected by W in a negative way. It's good because It forces me to stay cool and level-headed.