I suppose it's difficult for people you've just met to know the entire journey you've been on and it's difficult to sum that up in a quick introduction.
I did "he makes me feel good" relationship shortly after I walked. I had been in this limbo land with H for almost 2 years and it was soul destroying. So when I finally decided to walk I was in full on let's have a good time mode. The guy that I started seeing wanted to wait until my sitch was more settled. He's been through a S, MC, R, then S and in process of D. So he could see I wasn't ready. When I put him on the back burner, I realised I wasn't ready. Then everything kicked off with H meeting someone, seeming to change, and I realised I wasn't ready for....EVERYTHING. All my lets get out there and live life had only been shielding me from what was really happening.
So I focused on myself, it was baby steps at first, learning about NC, detachment, not reacting, getting out of my comfort zone, and during that 6 months I really learned about myself, accepted that my M was over, accepted what I'd done, took H off that pedestal and saw him (again) for the problems he'd caused, forgave myself, forgave him, understood that I don't have to agree with his choices to still be friendly with him, focused on myself, my son, my day to day life which isn't filled with partying.
I went on a few dates and did this in a whole new way. I'm less likely to skip over red flags or give someone the benefit of the doubt. There's a whole world out there so I'm not rushing finding anyone. I was really proud of how the new Brit handled meeting men and dating. And how I spent time with someone, getting to know them and was able to say no, you're not really for me. Whereas a previous version of myself would have handled that differently.
This is probably the last I will post here about dating period. These forums have really helped me grow as a person and I want to continue doing that. I feel that my growth as a person has helped me in several areas of my life: work, family, friends, etc. So this is in turn also changing how I interact with men not just my ex. So I'm going to continue to use this forum as a way to grow and learn, but I'm not going to talk about my dating life (or lack thereof) anymore.
Thanks everyone for your kind words! It's great to see people make the trek over from new comers for a wee little visit on my thread. Zig, I think you touched on quite a lot that could be hiding under our initial reactions. I remember feeling fear in reaction to someone else's post early on.
So my weekend: My mom is visiting. It's the first time she's left the US. I have been spending time with her We're going to have tea and cake in a lovely pub garden this afternoon. Yesterday I also popped out for dinner with a friend on the marina. That was really pretty.
ahhh brit.. no dating stories.. thats too bad. lol we both caught he11 at the same time for it over there. guess i will catch it here by myself..lol
anyway.. i am glad to hear you will be around still. i love your insights and how you deal with things. i might not post alot, but i read. everyone of your posts and they do help. thank you.
no dating stories?? awwww... guess i will have to fill in the gaps! lol
i think it's normal to have one of those feel good relationships after a long serious one. because it's so awkward to try and put yourself out there that maybe it's good to get one of the less serious ones out of your systems to remove all the hangups when the real deal comes along. i don't know.
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
I can see you cutting and pasting things from alt forums naughty girl!!
A girl I know called it the squeegee the thing you clean the windshield with? She said you need a squeegee to wipe it away then you start fresh. I don't know if I agree. The guy makes me cringe now
Come on make a thread here all the cool kids are doing it: Rick, Dakota, Floating...jump on in!
Ignore the first 4 pages. We're all friends now!
I need to catch up on how the house is going for you. from what I've read a lot of people here have a lot of good advice on the practical, legal part of the big D that you're going thru.
Still in limbo. Waiting for stbx to get me his settlement proposal. I'm working on the reno project (slowly) in the meantime. And piling up his stuff to take away
He is the same person when I met him that he was the day he left. That's a big difference in my sitch.
I think my ex is the same person as well. I was just naive and blind when we met and married. And he was more charming and willing to hide those parts of his personality. Even now sometimes I'll say something to him and he'll say c'mon...you know me....I was asleep/trying to hide in the garage/didn't pay it on time/whatever.
Just now he sent me a text message to rearrange his visit this evening. He hasn't seen S (his SS) since he dropped him at the airport 3 weeks ago, he was going to see my mom, and pick up some stuff S brought him from the States. his reason "I'm being forced into going to dinner with her parents" It's not that it's her, or that he's rearranging. It's the language he uses. Everything is someone else's fault and he can't make decisions or stand up for himself. I'm sure if I pressed for details it would be the case of "I'd forgotten we're going out for her dad's birthday (or other occasion). Is it okay since your mom will be all week" But he's always put upon, forced to do things, etc. It upset me during out M, he would complain because he'd agreed to do something for someone and I would say well why don't you ask them if....and then it would come out that he wanted to or had made his mind up to...just wanted to complain. (two different people he and I)
