I decided to move over here because I find that my sitch and my threads aren't about busting my divorce any more.
Quick recap of my story so far: I had an EA about 2.5 years ago. Very shortlived but enough to make me think something was wrong. Tried to work on things. He never thought anything was wrong. He was emotionally unavailable during a miscarriage. In Sept 2011 I started feeling like something needed to change I pushed for MC, he was not responsive. I started going to IC. I finally told him I thought it was over in Nov 2011. He never fought for me didn't seem to care. He later told me he cried every day in Jan. In Feb he met someone and has been with her ever since. In Feb/March I tried to convince him to work on things again and continued to try to DB thru May. In May, he told me he was moving in with her. I decided just to hope on having a friendship. Since then I've been on quite a few first dates, dated one guy during the month of August. We're filing this month and it should be final in 90 days.
I feel like in this moment in my life is the best time ever. Does that make any sense? I have finally understood my own self worth. I'm an amazing person. And I really like me. I think I'll look back one day and wonder why was I trying to cling to that. I've never looked back on my life and thought everything was really sh*t after X happened so I know this will be the same.
I have great career prospects. I've lost 51 pounds since the split. I've taken up running, became a great cook, learned to release control, accept life for what it is, and live in the present.
So I'm joining you all here to survive the Big D. Sometimes things happen that p*ss me off and it's not because I want him back...it's because well it's part of the process isn't it?
Well this is not a typical first year reaction. Let's see - you don't want him, you do want him. You end it. He wants it. He gets someone new. You want him. Then you then date the entire football team and believe this is your best time ever. Unless something happens that p*sses you off.
I think you need to stop dating and figure your life out. Clearly you are reeling. You need to spend more time in C. I'm not sure why you are even ON Divorce Busting.
wow. if that wasnt the most judgemental mean thing to say. IMO you might want to look in the mirror. this is supposed to be a safe supportive place. that is not cool what you said sun. at all.
brit is a wonderful woman who has been through hell and done the work to be in a better place. she has not "dated the football team". seriously. wtf is wrong with you that you even say that to someone?
i personally have gotten alot of help from her and i was going to start posting here as i will be divorced in less than a week. rethinking that after reading that post.
brit.. i am proud of you and i fully support you. i will not judge you and i will be here for you if you ever need. it's the least i can do, after everything you have done for me.
Wow, I second Labug - that is a very twisted representation of where Brit is at, sun fun.
Have you read her sitch at all?
I do agree that brit maybe reeling a bit, aren't we all? and I would prefer to see her move on for a bit entirely on her own without dating , but you and I are not in her shoes living her life, and I ain't judging it as good or bad. But if you have read how she got to this point, I think you may view things a tad bit differently.as for why she is on this site? well, if anyone got the true message of DB and embraced it, one could say it was Brit - to make a full life for herself regardless of what her utterly mad h is upto!! She's made her changes and grown beautifully - and you can tell that in every sentence she writes
Found you here Brit - and the first sentence in this thread - really hit me!!
I'm so proud of you sweet friend for being so strong and utterly letting go
{{{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}}}}}
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
I apologize if I misunderstood. I reacted to what was written in the post today. I do see that it came off as judgmental but don't see how what I read describes divorce busting. What happened to taking time, working on things, working on your issues before jumping off into the dating world?
Read the post again and tell me what I am NOT getting here.
So I read this and I started to get angry, defensive, upset, whatever. Perhaps that wasn't the best "introduction", maybe a brief synopsis made me appear cold and indifferent.
I will say THIS in my defence, I mentioned the several first dates to prove that I wasn't jumping at the first guy who suggested dinner and not drinks. And I am not having the best time of my life as a result of dating. It's because I've accepted and love myself. I'm not seeking approval, attention, or validation from anyone in my life.
Dakota please post here. I'm going to continue to post here, but I would hope that SunFunOne doesn't post on my thread in the future. Although I can understand why someone might jump to conclusions, I would never post something like that to someone in response to ONE post.
And also....thank you Barb. I would never ever in my life want to be described as "typical"
So I read this and I started to get angry, defensive, upset, whatever. Perhaps that wasn't the best "introduction", maybe a brief synopsis made me appear cold and indifferent.
I will say THIS in my defence, I mentioned the several first dates to prove that I wasn't jumping at the first guy who suggested dinner and not drinks. And I am not having the best time of my life as a result of dating. It's because I've accepted and love myself. I'm not seeking approval, attention, or validation from anyone in my life.
Dakota please post here. I'm going to continue to post here, but I would hope that SunFunOne doesn't post on my thread in the future. Although I can understand why someone might jump to conclusions, I would never post something like that to someone in response to ONE post.
And also....thank you Barb. I would never ever in my life want to be described as "typical"
I like that. That you said, that you [bold]"would never ever in my life want to be described as 'typical'"[/bold].
sunfun - one could say you have the benefit of the doubt by only reading this one post of brit - and having the reaction you did.
but i see your info and you've been around since '09. so i assume you've read A LOT of posts here. if anyone should know and understand , it should be someone like you - that there is a helluva lot more to anyone's story than just one post.
so just based on that, to put your first response to brit in the form you did, is irresponsible to say the least.
if you had questions, you could have asked them of her, politely and with respect before you used phrases such as "dating the football team". got more info on her sitch before you drew a picture that was rather vivid!!
or , of course, you could have just said welcome, non-judgementally, and then taken the time respectfully to go read her threads before you came to any conclusions.
seems to me that maybe you didn't get the message about DB'ing all that well, if this is the way you respond to people you don't even know.
I will warn you, there's a damn posse of us over on the newcomers board who LOVE Brit with all our hearts, and we'll be damned if we'll let anyone talk to her that way!! Those are quite the conclusions you jumped to there, and judging from the tone you used - something in what Brit wrote has triggered off something within you. that's the only reason I can think of for a post like that.
I do hope to see you apologize to Brit and then we can all help and support her through this painful time in her life. Even though she is doing her best to be very positive and forward looking , she still needs our support and caring attitude. and i hope that you can be there for her in that way along with the rest of us
I'm sorry to be so sharp, but you've obviously triggered something off in me too
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
