Divorced #5. And I think Im getting it..

[Mrs D]

Starting a new thread from Divorced #4.
This was the last post from that thread:

X came to the cookout. Called me when I was 5 minutes out asking where we were. I was actually surprised because he didnt go last year, and we were together! Anyway, we got there - he walked up to the car. We walked up and he stopped to talk to his XGF from high school (they alwasy talke when they see each other). C and I went through the line - I made X a plate. Brought it back to him while he was talking - he said, oh I wasnt going to eat. I have to go to Moms for Dads bday dinner. I thought it was crappy that he didnt ask C to go, but I realized it was Thursday and GF would be going. I made a mental note that this is something he would have NEVER done regarding his son since he knows C loves going to G&Gs house.

So C and I ate, X put his plate on the sidewalk. We all sat together on the curb. AFter C was finished eating, he went to play on the playground with his friends. X and I spoke of work, my daughter, some other things. Then he said he spoke to a mutual friend that had called to apologize that he was invited to the lake last weekend as well. Apparently the friend let him know that he was upset X never calls or stops by anymore now that hes with GF. Somehow the conversation goes to he and I, and how 95% of our friends want us back together again. Then I said something that he is the only one that doesnt want us back together. He then said how he had tried for the past three years to bring us back together. I told him that he should read up on Mid life crisis once to understand.

I actually didnt like where the conversation was going, so I got up and grabbed my purse. He said - where are you going? I said I am going to talk to someone else, and walked away. He sat there for a couple seconds, then he left. The cookout. The open house. Everything, without saying goodbye to his son. He knew plenty of people there. He could have stayed and finished the night, but he left.

Thoughts?

[labug]

You've read DR, you read the 37 rules every day...what's your critique?

[Mrs D]

Well, I failed at not talking about the future sorta. Cause I said that he was the one that didnt want us. I thought I did show alot of confidence..until the point where I didnt like how the conversation was turning. BUT when I left, I avoided what could have turned into an argument, and I closed the conversation? The MLC comment probably didnt need to be said. He doesnt need to know what is going on in my little world.

I think it was a 50/50 interaction? Now please tell me yours? Thanks Bug!

[MrBond]

I think you were a little rude when you just walked away. And then criticize him for not saying good-bye to your son.

He's got alot on his mind.

" Cause I said that he was the one that didnt want us."

Shouldn't have thrown this in his face. He DID want you but you didn't.

[labug]

It's a good idea to stay away from R talks altogether. And the MLC comment just says to him "It's all your fault, there's something wrong with you." That never goes well. If he brings up the issue of 95% of your friends want you back together, say something like, "Hmmm, isn't that interesting."

Or it all could have been avoided by saying, "It's been good to see you, take care," and going to watch your son play.

Keep working on you.

[Mrs D]

I think you were a little rude when you just walked away. And then criticize him for not saying good-bye to your son.

He's got alot on his mind.

" Cause I said that he was the one that didnt want us."

Shouldn't have thrown this in his face. He DID want you but you didn't.

Hey MrB - yeah - I do agree that it was rude. I did thank him a couple times prior to walking away for coming. I dont know - sitting there, I just had alot of anxiety building up with where the conversation was going. Looking back, maybe I should have asked if he wanted to walk over with me, but one the anxiety, then two, trying to not be so into him I guess? I paniced.

Yeah - wrong thin to say. Im never going to do things right. I such at communication.

[Mrs D]

It's a good idea to stay away from R talks altogether. And the MLC comment just says to him "It's all your fault, there's something wrong with you." That never goes well. If he brings up the issue of 95% of your friends want you back together, say something like, "Hmmm, isn't that interesting."

Or it all could have been avoided by saying, "It's been good to see you, take care," and going to watch your son play.

Keep working on you.

Thanks Bug. When I went there tonight, I thought, IF he was going to be there, most likely he would hang out with mutual friends. But he didnt. So I think I sorta got panicky and freaked out at the end I guess. Ugh...

[Mrs D]

And the MLC comment just says to him "It's all your fault, there's something wrong with you."

I think I wanted to refer him to what I read regarding MLC because I WAS the one that said I was unhappy with him and the marriage. When all the time, I was unhappy with me. I wanted him to read it so that he would understand alittle more what I was going through. Not that I didnt want him, or the marriage. I just was unhappy..

[Mrs D]

I think you were a little rude when you just walked away. And then criticize him for not saying good-bye to your son.

He's got alot on his mind.

" Cause I said that he was the one that didnt want us."

Shouldn't have thrown this in his face. He DID want you but you didn't.

Hey MrB - yeah - I do agree that it was rude. I did thank him a couple times prior to walking away for coming. I dont know - sitting there, I just had alot of anxietyt was p building up with where the conversation was going. Looking back, maybe I should have asked if he wanted to walk over with me, but one the anxiety, then two, trying to not be so into him I guess? I paniced.

Yeah - wrong thin to say. Im never going to do things right. I such at communication.

Should I text him Im sorry for walking away - that was pretty rude of me, or let it go...

[labug]

OK, I get what you're saying about MLC but your best bet is to show him your changes when you can, don't try to tell him.