I did not plan my life to be this way at this age. I had something way better planned. All I ever wanted is to be loved and to love....to take care of my family and be a good wife and mother....to just do my part and be appreciated. Somewhere along the way I lost respect of my only son and am at a loss how to get it back. I spoiled my son like everyone does. His dad ridiculed him and called him stupid when he didnt do something right. I kissed his wounds and held his hand when he cried. I was awake with him in the morning hours when he was so sick. I was there when he got his first IV and was scared.
His dad decided he didnt want to be married. His dad gave up on his family. His dad decided to be selfish. His dad cheated and left usin dismay and financially torn.
So explain to me WHY I am the one that is disrespected?
As you know my son came home a few months ago. Three I think, to be exact. Well he was very angry at the world. Girlfriend troubles to add to everything else. His first heartbreak (and by the way, I was the one that held him when he cried. He put holes in my wall and broke some things. Was very violent. I decided he had to respect me or go back to his dad's. In the back of my mind, I was thinking, seriously are you gonna do this again, after your son didnt talk to you for three years after the last time you sent him packing! I was scared to death....hoping my son would choose to respect me instead of leaving. Well he called his dad and stepmom came to pick him up. She would not drive down my street, so son had to walk about half a mile to meet her. It was in the early morning hours so I decided I would follow behind shining my lights (because son refused to get in the car and let me drive him), making sure the neighborhood dogs didnt eat him up. Son turned this around on me and told stepmom (on the phone), I was trying to run him over. I was so hurt by his lies. Stepmom pulled up and he got in. She pulled up beside me and rolled her window down and said to me...."how could you treat your son this way". It took everything in me not to launch at her. Believe me i wanted to. I drove off and guess you drive by my house minutes later....AFTER making my son walk to meet her.
My son has no car anymore and the only way he comes and goes is by dad, stepmom or me or my aunt. I am NOT allowed to enter their subdivision to pick son up. PER THEIR RULES. They will NOT drop him off. So son usually gets dropped off somewhere close and I get him, or did anyway. I dont understand this. It is so childish and mean. I dont want to say or look at these people, but the trouble his dad is causing for our son is uncalled for. PLUS our son needs counseling for anger and his dad isnt helping matters by making things worse.
While here son and I shared a cell for awhile. XH texted the cell while i had it. He was texting son. Son wasnt here. He kept texting. I simply typed....this isnt son. Ex typed back f off! Then continued to type. The only thing good about our marriage was our son, the rest of a waste. I said, I dont agree with you. and I dont think you beleive that either. That was it. He started saying mean things and I didnt continue talking to him. As far as son, I am at a loss. I thought everything would be fine but it isnt. I just wish his dad could see how he is poisoning our son. My son thinks he has to dog me to get along with dad and stepmom. Then when son is with me he is TOTALLY different except for the anger and tantrums. This has to be so hard on him.
Im so sorry for your pain I dont have the answers, but I know we can hold our head up high you have done a good job letting go and hopefully son will see the light later continue on your road..be supportive of son and still make your boundries clear with him you love and support him, but his abuse is unacceptable If your consistant and consistant and consistant with this message to your son He will get the message..it takes time sometimes a lot of time-
as for OW and XH..I would totally ignore..not respaond in any way with words energies or thoughts let them Go in every way Karma will be take of them your only true business with them is to totally let go toatally let go get help if needed to let go and when we really let go sometimes, Ive seen miracles happen Wish u the best peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Your son needs somewhere to let his anger out. You seem to be it. There are things you would like to do and things you must do. Those boundaries are quite clear and you must do stick to them. Be consistent and let the rest work its way out.
I know how you feel. In a similar situation with my daughter. My son wanted to be at his mom's with OM so he could take a phone call from his mom tonight. Doesn't feel good. But it would feel worse if he wanted nothing to do with his mother and if he didn't accept her for what she is. I taught him that
My daughter is same way. She wants a relationship with her mother and needs a place to expel that anger. I'm it apparently.
Am I a bad person or a bad parent? Not by a long shot. Does it suck to be in that position with very little control over it? When I didn't ask for it? When I don't agree with it? Absolutely, but it's not the end of the story by a long shot
My one and only goal is to make sure the kids are ok physically and emotionally. I know I'll go to great lengths to ensure they are. Even at my cost. Because I'm their father and they deserve my best at any cost.
Keep focused on doing what needs to be done. Your son will figure it out at some point as he grows up emotionally. He sounds like he is trying and is frustrated by it. Of course. Makes a lot of sense in the situation. To me it does.
Hang in there and know you are not alone. It will work out as God intends it to and you just need to do your part.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
