My Story WAW due to Gaming Addiction

[twisted9999]

Were you able to win back her trust and commitment? If so how long did it take and what did you do to prove it?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

you got time and I got over 10K posts. : )to figure that out.

[Cadet]

you got time and I got over 10K posts. : )to figure that out.

Check out the success stories in the MLC forum,
the highlight are posted at the top of the forum and Jacks Story has links to it.
That should cut down your reading to 2000 posts.:)

[twisted9999]

Had my first coaching session with Laurie today and I feel real good about it. She said that it is very rare that an wife who separated from their husband is so caring and willing to help me out. She said most of the time the leaver could give a damn about the other person. We worked out some real out some goals and how I should act and say around her. I am telling you I was a little hopeless but right now I am feeling a lot better.

[Crimson]

Just to kinda emphasize what J3B said above - this is an ideal time for you to redefine your previous concept of "patience" and "time". There really isn't a formula for time in these situations I am learning. If you just tackle one day at a time, they will begin to add up and you may see some progress - you may not. Either way, make changes for yourself. Acknowledge your flaws and own them and try to fix them for YOU - seems like you're well on your way to doing that.

Crimson

[greenblue90]

From my first impression your W doesn't hate you, but what you have become. She probably saw the warning signs a long time ago and is kicking herself for having ignored them. On top of them you have a history of relapsing. That's not good.

Now I can somewhat relate to you, I always think that I would have become an addict had I not been killed in PVP 3 times within the first 20 minutes of playin Everquest. I was frustrated I rage quit the game and all online games.

Nonetheless me and W are in our late 20's and we are quite the gamers. One of the things we have done right is subconciously realizing that one of our love languages is quality time. So we try to go out as much as we can.

Now I realize this is hard for you since you are separated, but you have precious time with your children. Make that count. If seeing you with her children having a good time will help you.

Now not to sound like a nagger but its time to go get some "real" friends. This is what GAL is all about. Like gaming pick up a sport, the "original" game. Miss role playing games find a D&D group. Its relatively cheap (unlike say a monthly subscription, or magic the gathering). Most importantly you'll get your fix while being forced to interact with real live people. If the group doesn't meet you can't play, it may be a good compromise. Best part is no electronic stuff, all pen and paper.

I can't stress how important taking up a sport can be. It'll get you in shape, build confidence, and maybe even impress your wife. If its a team sport you'll make even more friends.

This could be one of those rare opportunities where you reshape your life. Think of it this way you have to woo her all over again. So you have to be the best man you can be.

[twisted9999]

So another weekend another....i guess set back. Went to see out lawyer about the lawsuit we have with our house we bought...basically the previous owners did not disclose the flood they had in the house due to a leaky pipe and it cause mold in the wall and made my kid go to the hospital 2 times for a total of 10 days. They wanted to talk to us about the impact of the separation.

One of our lawyers is a divorce lawyer too and he gave us a 15 minute lecture about why we should not be devorced. About how the kids are being set up for failure. That divorces cause so much pain and hurt for everyone and some people never recover. About how 75% 2nd marriages end in divorce. About the impact of a second marriage has on the children. He asked who was being the selfish one and my wife said I guess me. She argued about the impact this will have on the kids that it only happens when the parents are fighting about the divorce. He asked her if she would like the see the statistics and how they do not distinguish between a peaceful divorce and a divorce filled with fighting. Also said he has 30 some odd years of experience in this matter and that it happens to almost all divorces with children. My wife started crying and did so for the duration of our meeting. It was apparent that she was angry because when we left she didnt shack his hand nor say goodbye. when we walked out she didnt say anything to me. So I told her goodbye and she turned and said goodbye.

Went to my addiction therapist afterwords and mentioned about a program i found called Retrouvaille and asked her what she thought about it. She said it was a wonderful program and recommended that we go. I had printed the paperwork up and asked if I should present it too her. It kind of needed to be done as soon as possible because the next date after the 9/21/2012 date that was close to us was in Aug 2013. I had also called and they said they were filling up fast and if we wanted to go we needed to do so immediately.

Called the wife up told her about the program and what it was asked if I could drop the paperwork off. She said that would be fine. I put it in the mailbox and left. Called her this morning about when and where she was dropping off the kids and to also see if she read through the paperwork and what she thought. No answer. Waited 15 min just in case she was late for leaving for work and didnt get a chance to answer the phone. Nothing. Sent her a text saying "Please call me when you get a chance". As of right now nothing. She never does not answer or call back right away when I call.

I have to see her later today when she drops the kids off so we will see what happens then. I am not trying to pressure her to go. I told her it is up to her when I talked to her yesterday but I also need to know by the end of the day before it is too late.

[MrBond]

Stop pressuring her. Let it be HER choice. You call one more time and she's going to shoot you down flat.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I am not trying to pressure her to go. I told her it is up to her when I talked to her yesterday but I also need to know by the end of the day before it is too late.

Wow...so many...contradictory statements right there...it hurts my eyes.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

You start reading or looking at anyone else's threads yet?

I get the feeling you don't.

I think you're just posting here, with the idea that maybe your situation is ground breakingly new to some of us.

And it's not.

Read some of these other guys around here and see exactly how your approach, which is mirrored in almost every guy who comes here at first, see how that works out. Give it a go. Get some empathy for some of the posters out there.

You and your wife? You guys are unique. Your situation? It isn't.

The clingy, pressure and I just need an answer...right now, bucause...I now you said you needed time, but my needs, and desire for comfort are more important than hers...

Almost never ever works.