Trying to not obsess is very hard as I am sure this seems like the most important thing happening in your life right now. I know it is that way for me. I work in Sales where just having a bad attitude is a great way to not make any money.
Self-discipline is going to be the key. Force yourself to focus on work at work and leave your sitch at home. Once again this is hard advice, but you have to do it.
Besides detaching why not make one of your personal goals "not obssessing over Sitch at work". Then figure out how to put that into practice. Break it down and begin working on it immediately.
This is something I need to work on also.
Me:27 W:30 S1:3y/o S2:8m/o T:5 M:3 Bomb:5/16/12 W moved out:5/16/12
Trying to not obsess is very hard as I am sure this seems like the most important thing happening in your life right now. I know it is that way for me. I work in Sales where just having a bad attitude is a great way to not make any money.
Self-discipline is going to be the key. Force yourself to focus on work at work and leave your sitch at home. Once again this is hard advice, but you have to do it.
Besides detaching why not make one of your personal goals "not obssessing over Sitch at work". Then figure out how to put that into practice. Break it down and begin working on it immediately.etting the s
This is something I need to work on also.
The other part about getting the sitch out of your head, is when you are doing what you are supposed to and thinking about what you are supposed to, you will feel rather excellent.
The key is gaining positive momentum in working on your goals, and NOT thinking about the sitch land. Over time, you will learn not to do it. It is true detachment.
I know each situation is different but does anyone know of any WAW situations with similarities? She's not angry, not picking fights, not moving toward D.....im honestly kind of lost right now as to whats going and even have had friends who have spoken with her who say she doesn't seem angry.
The only one that I can think of that is close is 2stepboogie's situation. His journey started about the same time as mine. He hasn't been around in a while.
His W demonstrated a lot of anger at the very beginning, but then it settled down into more of what you are experiencing. However, she did move forward with D rather quickly.
I could speculate as to what is going on, but it would just be guessing really.
Whatever it is, the ball is in her court. Just keep cruising along doing what you need to do for you. That's all you can do man.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
But mostly I just want to quit obsessing about this entire ordeal, and I know that if I dont then i'll either do something stupid that will certainly seal the fate of my M or i'll end up losing my job b/c I can't seem to get any work done. It doesn't help at all that i've kind of made it to a point in my career where I no longer share an office with anyone, and no one really follows up on what im doing as long as the work gets done, and i've managed to keep getting the work done so far by coming in on nights and weekends, just about anytime im not with S11 and don't have plans I end up coming in here knowing that I have to catch up, but I also know if I keep that up then sooner or later im going to miss a deadline and its not going to be good for me at all.
Anyone?
If it helps, I can totally relate to this. Work was about the last thing on my mind for most of 2011. I could not focus and, really, didn't care about it at all. I did the bare minimum and that was it.
Other people seem to get by mentally by focusing on their work. Others simply struggle. I don't have an answer other than to do what you need to do to make sure that your W has something to come back to. Don't destroy what you have built with your career. Focus and do what you have to do.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I know each situation is different but does anyone know of any WAW situations with similarities? She's not angry, not picking fights, not moving toward D.....im honestly kind of lost right now as to whats going and even have had friends who have spoken with her who say she doesn't seem angry.
Carnac - I am right there with you. Check out some of my older threads and you will see scenarios that are almost identical to yours. You may also find some ideas about coping and keeping your motivation going.
Regarding the title of your new thread "Month 3 no movement"; not to be snarky but, I'm on month 11 here and no movement either! So, just know it takes time. Lots of time!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Denver: thanks for your reply....at least I know im not alone in obsessing over my sitch and im working hard to get my head right at least while im at the office. Its interesting you mention 2stepboogies wife moved pretty quickly toward D cause i've heard rumor thats where mine is headed pretty quickly, but at least til now she's done nothing and mentioned nothing. Im hopeful she doesn't try to surprise me by just dropping papers on me, id rather she talk to me, but either way if she's not angry now she will be if she files cause im guessing she thinks i'll roll over and its not going to happen.
2thepoint: I didnt take it as snarky, and actually didnt know what title to put on my thread and certainly didnt mean that as any disrespect to anyone who's been here longer, I actually had no idea what to use as a title and just threw that up off of the top of my head and honestly worried that some of the veterans might view it as disrespectful, I certainly hope no one takes it that way.
labug: I seriously don't understand some things. I've read part of your sitch and so many others here and if a spouse is incredibly angry I get running on emotion, but mine is almost dead inside I think. She's not mad, not glad and I can understand taking some time to let emotions die down, but at some point we're adults lets sit down and talk about the situation and see if it can be repaired and if it can't well then something else must be done, but doing nothing really seems very immature to me.
I know we get sick of hearing this but it is the gift of time. For me it allowed me to work on issues that I would not have done without the impetus of the BD.
Overall, I'm much happier now than I was before the BD. Do I miss H? YES, but somethings can't be changed by me. I can only control me and it's so much easier not to have to worry about another adult.
Keep working on you and things will become easier.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
