i still don't know if you are reading that list every 20 mins. i still don't know if you've committed to doing that.
it's not enough to state it casually - you have to be determined and emphatic about it.
when you found out that w had been to L - did you go straight to your list and do those things first?
because if you had, then you would have calmed down and your post would have been entirely different.
do you get the point? it's okay to post about what is happening - but your state of mind when you do it - that's what we are trying to help you to change (and that's what everyone is trying to help every one else change, including me)
it's a non-stop endeavor for a long time - and each time you do it - you'll get a little better at it. realize that now.
i'm still waiting for your commitment!
now, instead of focusing on what your w did - go back and read my first post about this all the way to his one again
the first day is bl**dy hard - but you'll push through it.
i would like to see you come post here every hour on the hour and be able to state that you read that list 3 times each hour, and DID it each time you needed to
i'm giving my commitment to check in every hour today!!
we'll start the hour at the time you write back ok?
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
Honey. I've slapped myself silly, run out of ice and told myself I'm NOT reaching my goal. I'm just so horrified that this is happening. And if its me doing my "as if" bit that's triggered it :-(((((((((((( an hour in with the L. To say what? Stop it or go for it. Or or or. Bugger. This is doing my head in.
I've got friends, good friends arriving in an hour or so. Praying that yiur list and their being here will help me through.
I actually don't give a hoot about the W's visit. It's what she's perpetuating. And all the damn hard work that I need to do because of it.
. I actually don't give a hoot about the W's visit. It's what she's perpetuating. And all the damn hard work that I need to do because of it
there you go - that's what you are fighting the damned hard work!!!
recognize within yourself that you are fighting YOURSELF!
come to terms with that and get on with what you have to do!! it's called growing up - and we are ALL trying to do it.
you cannot go through the motions without the secret ingredient - your committment to it
I'm still not hearing the commitment.
you HAVE to start accepting that she's on her train ride and the details do NOT matter.
of course she's going to the L - why wouldn't she?
don't be silly - if she's started this process, she is going to continue with that for now.
what are YOU going to do about it?
fight it to the death or drop the rope and go towards acceptance and more peace within yourself.
go read my thread and the conversation with KD last night. i was all fired up ready to stop what h is about to do, yesterday.
read what KD wrote to me... and apply it to your sitch, eh?
we are all struggling with the same things you are, mac - every last one of us, and it's the same - spin off or stop spinning,
i'm not saying you have to be perfect at this - i'm saying you have to try and do less of what you have been doing - which is allowing yourself to truly spin off and stay spinning , deaf to anyone else's advice.
i'm still not hearing the commitment, i'm still not seeing you say how often you are doing the exercise.
I want to see your clear definitive STATEMENTS in your post - because only when you write them down and keep doing it every hour - only then will you truly commit to helping yourself.
so before starting with your wife - start with yourself!
ps. did you do the physical part? of jumping up and down running up and down the stairs
get going on this - i'm not counting this as starting the hour, because you are still not committing
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
I accept what she's doing. And you're right. Can't do a blessed thing directly
Quote:
right now i am pretty cooked up about this - but NOT acting on it. I am completely sure that i will be able to tell him exactly where i stand on this when the time is right. and it will be in the next few days, so he has time to rectify the situation.
Good grief zig. I wish I WISH I was this strong. I know that out of adversity some good can come.
It's actually the W dithering. Nothing final. That's what's got me on a tightrope. So I can only do what I need to do. F her. F the sitch. And F the f'ing roller coaster! It's me and me alone.
I can't read the future. And I certainly haven't got a clue what was discussed. And I'm totally flummoxed why she hotfooted it back to the pub and friend (telling her what news?). And I'm going to try my best not to let it get at me (another face slap and the dishes need doing).
I am going to stop spinning. And the only way is to stop poking my nose in to what "u know who" is up too!
Acceptance of the sitch is something that's sinking in but it's the dealing with it that's taking the time. I've no idea how fight to the death and acceptance made it into the same sentence.
Oh we'll. things will turn out just fine whatever happens along the way. And that's exactly what I'm going to deal with - MY journey.
Gotta go meet friends at the door. I'll pop back later. And I promise I'll be in a much better space. Only after reading your thread, your reply and taking a "chill pill".
There's absolutely no way I'm EVER going to work out whats going on - so why bother and waste energy thats much more useful elsewhere.
And goals?
Well this is from my last successful thread (or so I thought) but the goals are the same and they're mine not pruned from someone else .....
Quote:
I've found I'm living what I've become. The old "junk" has been packed up and shipped out. I don't feel like I'm acting anymore. I'm back to my old self of a few years ago.
So the thing to do now is be annoyingly persistent in showing everyone that : : Nothing is to much trouble. Crack a smile whenever possible. Join in conversations. Share. Empathize - this one's a goody.
There area whole list of other things (anyone want to join in?).
Show everyone the changes each and every day and by the power of osmosis the changes that people can see each and every day is going to sink into my W's wonderful grey cells.
