Thread #2: Developing Self Esteeem

[greenblue90]

Hmm
Well if you'd like a book look up the writings of Athol kay, he writes books about male empowerment for married men. You may not agree with it 100% but what he writes is meant to get men to stand up and be the type of strong confident man a lot women like.

IMHO his writings compliment DB because they are all about winning your spouse back by working on you first.

[NASCARDaddy]

Grrrrrrrrr.... I keep forgetting that I need to change the e-mail preferences if I want to get notices when people reply to my thread. Anyway, thanks for all the advice so far. Some of it is more helpful than others, for example I doubt that my brother would let me rebuild a motorcycle or set up a drum set in the middle of his living room. And considering my background I might get a visit from some guys in black suits if I started buying parts for assault rifles. lol

However, I have already done some of the things that people have suggested. In the last couple of weeks I have been to a couple of movies that W told me that we did not have money for (thank goodness MIL is still supportive and funnels me spending money from time to time) and have spent a lot of time playing The Sims 2 a video game that W does not like me playing. I have also started walking, if not everyday then at least more times a week then not.

The hard part is still the negative self talk and a sense of unease and dread that I feel when I don't understand what is going on with W. For example, today she texted me and asked me what the address is for the place I am staying at. When I asked her why she needed it she told me that it was "none of your business." I have spent the whole day stewing over why she would need my mailing address but she would not want to tell me why.

I know intellectually that what ever happens with her is out of my control, but I am still having a hard time processing it emotionally. More importantly I was raised to believe that "no other success can compensate for failure in the home" so the fact that my wife and I are in this situation has left me feeling like a failure because of the circumstances.

[Still learning]

All good ideas. But don't isolate yourself too much along the way.

Greenblue - thanks for the reading suggestion. I read a book every couple of days to get my head on right but was out of good ones.

[NASCARDaddy]

I am not isolating myself too much. I still talk with friends everyday, and I spend a lot of time with my brother and his wife. I will look for some of those books, unfortunately my local library doesn't have them. It has been a long rough week and shows no sign of getting better anytime soon.

[Still learning]

Sounds like you're doing some good things. BTW, my library didn't either. Ended up downloading them from Amazon to my pc. Instant gratification.