XYZ here again...

[Jack_Three_Beans]

XYZ, not sure what to say here man...

Patience? Actually talking and listening to each other...I'm not entirely sure what has been done or has not been done.

She feels like the SSM book is an insult...

And then you went and are adding to your anger of not having sex by seeing how long it will be before she wants to have sex, not saying anything...Not letting her know.

That's...to me borderline passive aggresive.

While yes you have had these talks alot...nothing has changed, has your approach? She is very affectionate...are you? Are you affectionate without expecting sex to come from it?

A few months back, my wife made a disparaging comment about how I always want sex. I looked at her and said,

"I think you feel like I want sex everyday two to three times a day and that just isnt' true. I would like sex once or twice a week.

You have a lower sex drive and I have a higher one, neither one of us the bad guy here. Just different. To compromise I have learned not to expect it, or get upset or ask for it as much, but that is hard to see from anyone else's point of view as a compromise. It's not that I have lost interest. It defeats the compromise by pointing out that I'm not asking, because that in fact turns out that I am. It's almost a losing position."

I hope some of that might help XYZ.

[XYZ]

When I was in the bomb phase, how many times did I say here "you're exactly right, Jack"? Well, I'll say it again.

So, Tuesday is date night. Next Tuesday, I will (calmly, politely, yet firmly) tell W how I feel. I won't accuse, threaten, yell or anything close to that. I will tell her how I feel.

I had thought waiting was best for several reasons. First and foremost, during MC, one of the cycles we identified was me feeling deprived (usually around sex) --> bugging her with "more more more" --> her getting angry and disengaging --> me feeling more deprived --> lather, rinse, repeat.

My solution was stop with the "more more more". So far, it hasn't lead to a re-engagement from her (in that department). I need to tell her how I feel without pressuring her. That will be a bit of a tight-rope and I'm nervous about that. I should probably just say that to her.

I also wanted to wait because school will be back in. Before the kids were out of school, they were in bed by 9:00 - that gave W and I some time together. That ended when school did. Now, kids are up until 9:30 or 10:00 and more often than not, W falls asleep while putting one of them to bed (she tucks 1 in, I tuck in the other). With school comes a schedule.

All that makes sense to me. It also makes sense to me that I feel anger and resentment building and I need to stop that now -- only way is to discuss it. So that's what I'll do. Tuesday.

And yes, Jack, I show her affection often. I help a bunch around the house and with the kids. I listen to her intently. I actually really love those times.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

My solution was stop with the "more more more". So far, it hasn't lead to a re-engagement from her (in that department). I need to tell her how I feel without pressuring her. That will be a bit of a tight-rope and I'm nervous about that. I should probably just say that to her.

I think you should. I think you should make it VERY clear this is NOT an attack of any sort, and this is not to make her feel bad. Just you talking to your (best?) friend.

One other thing...I would and still do show more than simple affection, like squeeze her butt or other things, kiss her neck, but I also do not allow myself to think that it will lead to anything else later that night.